Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6) Read online

  “It’s okay to hate them. They weren’t there for you.” He pulled her back against him, and pressed a kiss to her neck.

  “I thought I deserved their lack of love, Edward. That I had done something wrong, and that I had fucked up all this time, but I hadn’t. I hadn’t messed up, and I was good. I did everything for them.”

  “It’s their loss, baby. Completely their loss, and it’s my gain. You’re strong, baby. You’re not weak.” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “They were the ones that were weak,” she said.

  “Yes, Isabel. You were the strong one. There are not many people who could have done what you did. You were the one that handled shit even when you weren’t supposed to.” He kissed her head and held her close, refusing to let go. “This is how I know you’re going to be an amazing mother. You love fiercely. You love your sister, and you did everything you could to protect her. That doesn’t make you weak, that makes you strong. You’re a strong woman, Isabel. You’ve just got to realize it in here.”

  Silence fell in the small trailer. From the memories that Sophie had told him, and what he knew of Isabel’s past, he could see them both as kids messing around.

  There were not any photographs of them as kids, but he was able to imagine a cute little girl, playing all by herself until her sister came along.

  Isabel spun in his arms and wrapped hers around his neck. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

  He grabbed her ass and pressed her against his cock.

  “You’re very welcome. I hope it helps you to see what I see every time I look at you.”

  “Yeah, it does. I really do love you, Edward.”

  “Good,” he said, pressing a kiss to her lips. “I’m not letting you go.”

  “I don’t want to be let go.” She sighed. “Sophie called me.”

  “She did.”

  “She said you’re being a poo-poo head.”

  “She wants to turn my house into Santa’s grotto with presents and stuff. Who is going to clean that up when she goes back to college?”

  “I will. I’ll clean it up. Please, can we go all out this year? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I will do everything.”

  He sighed. “It’s still a couple of months away.”

  “I know, but I want her to have this one Christmas. Please.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I think you already know that I’m a sucker for you. All you ever need to do is ask, and I will give.”

  “Good, can we please leave now? I don’t want to be here another minute.”

  “With pleasure.” Edward took her hand, and led her back out toward his car. He had hoped to give Isabel another feeling when it came to how she viewed her life growing up. Everything he had heard, he had known she was a strong woman. A woman who clearly didn’t see her own worth.

  He didn’t think this would be the end of their struggle. He was in constant talks with the doctor, getting advice and tips on how best to deal with each different stage. He was just really happy that they were making progress.

  Reaching out, he took her hand, locking their fingers together. They were going to get through this together.

  ****

  “He really left?” Isabel asked.

  Peter was handing her the glasses, and she was placing them on the shelf behind the bar.

  “Yep. I went and checked the edge of Cape Falls. There was no sign of him. No sign of him at all. I even went by his ex, and she hadn’t seen him. Ryan decided to make the break.”

  “I’m happy for him.”

  “What about you? Are you thinking of heading out?”

  She shook her head. “No. Cape Falls is my home. If Edward wants to leave, I’ll go with him.” It had been a couple of weeks since he had taken her back to the trailer park where she had grown up.

  Isabel didn’t know exactly what had happened. All she knew was she felt different, stronger. Once all of the glasses were on the shelf, she picked up the box, and headed toward the back.

  “You really do love him?”

  “Of course. He’s amazing.” She tucked some hair behind her ear as she grabbed another case of beer, and carried it through to the main bar. Placing it on the floor, she was aware of Peter watching her. “Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. It just seemed to take a long time for the two of you to get together.”

  “Edward is a gentleman.” She couldn’t help but smile as she recalled the past couple of months they were together at his home. Well, not together, together, just friends. He was her best friend.

  Peter snorted. “Believe me when I say that Edward is anything but a gentleman.”

  “I think you’re wrong. I love him, and he makes me better.”

  “You make him better as well,” William said, coming behind the bar. “Are you just watching the women now?”

  Isabel looked at William, who was glaring at Peter.

  “Yep, sorry. I’ll go ahead.”

  He left them alone. “He wasn’t bothering you, was he?” William asked.

  “No, he was fine. We were just talking. I’m sorry if that was inappropriate?”

  “It wasn’t. Peter can be a pain in the ass at times. I don’t want him to worry you. The only person Peter loves is his wife, and he loves her so much. You’re good for Edward, and he cares a lot for you.”

  “I’m not going to leave Edward. He’s been amazing to me. I’m not weak.” Isabel took a deep breath, feeling more empowered. “I love your friend, William. I’m not going to hurt him.”

  William stared at her for a few seconds. “You know I advised him to leave you.”

  The smile stayed frozen on her face. “Excuse me?”

  “I’ve known Edward a long time. He never stays around if it’s hard work. I underestimated his love for you. You are good for him, and I see now what Edward said about you.”

  “What did he say?” she asked.

  “He said that you made him better. Pretty much told me that I didn’t know him if I hadn’t seen the change inside him. I think you’ve come a long way, Isabel. I didn’t know you before, but no matter what, you’re good for him. You’re good to him, and you have my utmost respect and loyalty.”

  “Thank you.”

  “If there is anything you need, anything at all, I promise you, all you need to do is ask, and I will make sure you get it.”

  She rounded the bar, and moved toward him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave him a hug. “Thank you. Really, thank you.”

  “Hey, what are you doing hugging my girl? You know that is forbidden, right?”

  “Yeah, I know,” William said, patting her back. “I just can’t resist teasing you.” He pulled away. “See what I mean? He’s very possessive of you, sweetheart.”

  “I’m a little possessive of him as well.” She moved back toward Edward, and snuggled against his side. “I love him.”

  “I’m going to leave you two alone.”

  William left, and she moved back to behind the bar. This was the main nightclub that she was working in. Back in the BDSM bar alcohol was not served. Drinks were accepted, but it was more the tea, coffee, and soda variety.

  “Do I want to know what you and he were talking about?” Edward asked.

  She shrugged. “I think he was just giving me the congratulatory acceptance of him, and maybe the club.” She held her arms out.

  “Did you feel that you needed it?”

  Isabel thought about it for a second, and finally nodded her head. “Yeah, I do. They all love you, Edward. They all care about you, and they want the best for you. They don’t want a crazy girl ruining you.”

  He reached out, taking hold of her hand. “The only crazy one here is me. I’m crazily in love with you.”

  “Aw, you’re so sweet.” Leaning over the counter, she pressed her lips against his.

  “It’s a fucking curse,” Ryan said, slamming open the door. He dropped his bag on the floor, and made his way toward the bar. “I need something strong and t
hat will burn as it goes down.”

  She glanced at Edward, waiting for his consent. Only when he gave it did she pour a strong drink.

  “What happened?” Edward asked.

  “I passed the border, and I drove for like three hours, and then I just couldn’t take it anymore. This is where I live. This is my life, and I can’t just walk away. Starting afresh, it’s not going to cut it for me. I’ve got to make it work here in Cape Falls.”

  “You’re not the only one who thinks that,” Gabriel said, coming inside. “I’m sticking around, and I’ve also talked to the Steer brothers. Cape Falls is going to move in a positive direction, a new direction, and I’m going to need all of your guys’ help to guide it.”

  Edward looked at her. “We’ll be here to help. We’re not going anywhere.”

  Once she finished handling the beer, and putting it in the right places, all of the guys and several of the women had come out to join them.

  Isabel left them alone, and made her way outside to take some fresh air. It was starting to get cold again. She couldn’t believe how much time had passed, and how much had happened in her life.

  Lowering down onto the step, she pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at the grounds around them. She loved when it got cold, and she would have an excuse to cover up, and snuggle into large clothes.

  With the silence that surrounded her, she allowed her mind to drift, to think about everything else that was going on inside her world, past and present. After her visit back to her trailer park, she had made a vow to fight the burning feelings inside her. Whenever the darkness threatened to take her, she would fight it. Even when the pressure grew inside her, she would find some means to stop it.

  Edward, he helped so much, and there were times that she really just wanted to be swallowed whole, and never think about all the crap that had happened in her life. It was in the past, and she needed to remember that.

  “Hey, baby,” Edward said, sitting down beside her.

  “I thought you were talking with the others.”

  “I was, and then I was more interested in what you were doing.” He took her hand, and she stared down at their locked fingers. United together. This was what made her stronger as well. Edward, he never took. He gave her so much.

  He gave her the freedom to breathe without the fear of life swallowing her up.

  “I know there are times when you want to ask for me to give your stuff back,” Edward said. “It doesn’t fade so easily, does it?”

  “No. It doesn’t. I wish there was a switch, and that it just turned off. I’ve got no reason to, and it’s not you.”

  “I know. I’ve been talking to a doctor, and he has been helping me any way that he can to help me understand, to help me be better for you.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Edward. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  “I didn’t do anything, babe. You did all of this, not me. I just fell in love with you, and I wanted to help you any way I could.”

  “You’re a special guy, Edward. Real special.”

  He tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “And you, my beautiful angel, are the strongest woman I know.” He gripped the back of her head and pressed his lips against hers. “You make me so damn proud.”

  Tears filled her eyes and began to fall down her cheeks. They were tears of happiness. They were tears of hope.

  She could do this.

  She could be strong for the two of them.

  She wasn’t going to fail.

  She was going to succeed.

  Chapter Eleven

  “This is so awesome,” Sophie said, placing the next bauble on the tree. “How did you do it?”

  Edward smiled, recalling all the delicious ways Isabel had convinced him to buy a tree. Of course, she didn’t have to do anything at all. He’d have given her anything she wanted, and he didn’t need anything to make this work.

  “I have my ways,” Isabel said, looking his way. He gave her a wink, and loved the way she blushed.

  The beautiful red complemented her pale skin. It was one of the reasons she loved spanking her pretty ass, and seeing his brand all over her. He handed out some more baubles that he had also bought for the tree.

  In fact, he had bought so much crap, everyone who drove past would know they were celebrating it. There was not just a wreath on the door. Nope, he had the flashing Santas, the flying reindeer, the snowmen, twinkling lights, the works. Growing up, he didn’t have all of the stuff he had purchased, but this was about making new traditions, and he had one for Christmas morning that he had picked up yesterday.

  Sophie was aware of his plan to propose, and was even helping him to make sure it was as romantic as possible.

  It would just be the three of them present, which he was more than happy about. Isabel didn’t like large crowds, and she certainly didn’t need them.

  “You two look so cute together,” Sophie said. “How did you meet again?”

  “I was hungry, and your sister was a waitress. The moment I saw her, I just knew it was love.”

  Sophie chuckled, and when her back was to them, he watched Isabel mouth the words “thank you”.

  He wasn’t about to tell Sophie what had happened all of those months ago when he’d walked in to witness what he had. The doctor he spoke to had advised against telling anyone, and those at Control, he’d asked for them not to say anything, to keep their opinions to themselves, and that he could handle it.

  “Does anyone want any hot chocolate?” Isabel asked.

  “Yeah, I do,” Sophie said. Edward agreed, and Isabel left the room. “I can’t wait to see her face. Can I see the ring?”

  He rolled his eyes. “You’re going to give it away, and it’s supposed to be a surprise.”

  “I know, I know, I just can’t wait.” Sophie did a little excited dance, making him laugh. “You have no idea how excited I am for her. We’re all going to be one big family. Are you going to have kids? Oh my God, is she pregnant?”

  “No, she’s not pregnant, and yes, I’m hoping in time we can have kids. First, I want her to have some enjoyment.”

  “I totally agree. If anyone deserves it, Is does.” She pressed her hands together and kept repeating the word please.

  “Fine, fine.” He dug down into his pocket, and pulled out the single diamond ring. It was a basic ring but beautiful. The moment he saw it, he just knew that his girl would love it.

  “Oh, that’s perfect, Edward. she is going to love that. You love her, don’t you?”

  “I’m about to ask her to marry me. Of course I love her.” He pocketed the ring, and nodded for her to get back to her tree. “Don’t give anything away.”

  “I won’t. I’m so excited. It has been too long since I came home. Can you believe that I actually missed Cape Falls?” she asked. “How messed up is that?”

  “It’s not messed up.” He told her about Ryan, and how he had felt lost. “It’s a curse.”

  “Nah, it’s not a curse. Even with all of its faults, Cape Falls is home.”

  “You’re going to come back here?”

  “Of course. Where else would I want to go? I want to be here when I’m Aunty Sophie.” She gave a little wiggle. Sophie was the one that was always so full of energy and spirit.

  “Here we go,” Isabel said. She had three hot steaming cocoas on a tray.

  He got up, taking the tray from her hands, and placing it on the coffee table. Picking up one cup, he handed it back to Isabel as Sophie took hers.

  The tree already had lights on, and he grabbed the remote turning it on. “Merry Christmas, ladies.”

  The tree started to twinkle.

  Isabel sighed and rested against him. “It’s perfect.”

  Sophie winked at him, and he rolled his eyes. She was going to seriously spoil his surprise. He wanted the day that he proposed to Isabel to mean something, to be a memory that she would never forget.

  They cleared away the debris from the decorati
ons, and while Sophie vacuumed, Isabel got started on food. He didn’t think it was possible to have a family again. His old family was all gone, dead to him, or at least as good as dead to him. This was his home, his way of life, and he intended to make every second count.

  Dinner was a fun affair. He loved watching the two sisters together, laughing, giggling, talking about their life growing up. Isabel looked well. She looked happy, and she looked healthy, which meant everything to him.

  Later that night, after Sophie had gone to bed, and Isabel had made her way up, he closed up the house for the night.

  Entering their room, he saw that Isabel wasn’t in bed yet. The en suite bathroom had a light shining out of it. He made his way toward the bathroom, and found Isabel naked, staring at her reflection.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Yeah, I was just looking.” Her fingers were stroking down the length of one scar, or at least the lines of multiple scars. “There are times it feels like this is someone else’s body. What I did, it doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem true.”

  Edward folded his arms, listening.

  “I wish I didn’t do this. I wish I didn’t feel the need to rely on this. It’s not who I am now. Yet, I can still feel it, and it scares me.” She lifted her head to look at him. “I’m so happy. With you, with Sophie, with our life, even with Cape Falls, which I never thought for a second I would admit to.” She chuckled. “Life is one crazy train, really. Isn’t it?”

  “It moves so fast. You’ve just got to learn to enjoy the ride.”

  She nodded. “I haven’t enjoyed the ride. When I was younger, I hated life, I hated everything, and I was wrong to. You’ve shown me so much of myself, of what I’ve been capable of, and I love you so much, Edward.”

  He moved into the bathroom and banded his arms around her waist. Staring at her body in the mirror, he looked at those scars, and they didn’t repulse him. They made him sad, but also, she was overcoming it.

  “I’m so scared,” she said.