Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6) Read online

  EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®

  www.evernightpublishing.com

  Copyright© 2017 Sam Crescent

  ISBN: 978-1-77339-251-6

  Cover Artist: Sour Cherry Designs

  Editor: Karyn White

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  DEDICATION

  This has been the hardest book I've ever delved into and it was scary. It has taken me three years because the truth is, I wasn't ready, and even now I'm afraid when it comes to this book. This is a very real, very dark subject. Everyone is different, and their reasons are their own when it comes to self-harm. I do not want this to be seen as brushing aside those problems. They are real, and it is dangerous.

  I want to thank you all for your support, and allowing me to take my time so I didn't screw it up. Even as I write this, I feel sick to my stomach about this going out there. This is my baby, one of the biggest challenges of my writing so far.

  My fingers are crossed that you like it. I know I did everything that I could. Thank you to Evernight, and to Karyn. They are an amazing bunch of people, and also to my readers, without you guys, I wouldn't even take a chance with this.

  Love you guys so much.

  Sam

  LOVE MY PAIN

  Cape Falls, 6

  Sam Crescent

  Copyright © 2017

  Chapter One

  She’d done it again even though he’d ordered her not to harm herself. Edward Banner gripped the back of his neck as he paced outside of the room of his own personal dungeon. He was so fucking mad that he could taste it. He’d gone to Control, the dominant club that was owned by his friend, William. He’d been needed, and now he was so pissed. If he’d not been needed elsewhere Isabel wouldn’t have been hurting herself.

  Fuck!

  Rushing from the door to his dungeon, he entered the kitchen and began pacing once again. He thought he could handle this, but he couldn’t. At first, he had intended to dump her ass in the bedroom he’d placed her in. Only, he had seen everything that could help her to hurt herself. He didn’t want her fucking hurting herself. Instead of throwing her into the bedroom, he’d chained her up, keeping her hands locked above her head so she couldn’t touch herself.

  He had met Isabel Benson a year ago when she was waitressing at a diner. During that time, he had discovered that she self-harmed, cutting herself. At first, he’d not taken over every single part of her life. She had only been living with him for the past couple of months, since Sophie left for college. He didn’t want Isabel living on her own. Just thinking about the first moment he had seen Isabel he had thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. One day he had found her cutting herself. She had looked like a drug addict getting her next hit, only she had been drawing blood from her body. He had believed that he could help her. Now he wasn’t so sure. How could he help someone who clearly had some serious fucking issues? What kind of person cut themselves? He’d tried to get her to talk to a doctor, but she told him no. He wanted her to go to counseling, but she said no. There was no way he could force her, even if he wanted to.

  Rubbing at his eyes, he stopped, and simply stood. Half an hour he had been gone, and when he came home, she had added another line on her thigh.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  She wasn’t sorry. If she was sorry she wouldn’t have done it.

  After he had brought her home, and spent every available second with her, he had thought that he’d helped. Only he hadn’t really helped. The first time he was away, she went for the knife. That wasn’t helping anyone, not at all.

  Storming out of his house, he sat down on the steps knowing that at right this moment he was fucking up. Isabel was chained in his fucking dungeon. Her thigh was dripping blood, and he would have to go and take care of her, but right now, he was so angry. A Dom never went near his woman when he was angry.

  Not that Isabel was his woman. No. he was just helping her. Nothing was going on between them, and never would.

  “You’re not looking so good.”

  Edward looked up to see Ryan, one of the club Doms, coming toward him. Ryan was a Cape Falls regular, and since the town of Cape Falls had tried to make a change to themselves, Ryan had come out as a Dominant man. He now worked at Control, and had even divorced the woman he had been forced to marry and hated.

  Cape Falls was not a very good town. It was an old town with old-fashioned values. Up until a year ago, they believed marriages should be arranged, and a woman’s place was inside the home. It had taken a gang raping girls and getting away with it for the town to finally realize the truth. Gabriel, the town Sheriff, had forced them to see the truth, showing the evidence. Since then, the town had been trying to make amends, to finally come into the twenty-first contrary.

  Edward was from England, and for him it had been like going back in time while at the town that he now loved. Well, not loved. His friends were here, along with Ryan.

  “What are you doing here?” Edward asked.

  “You left this at Control. I’m not helping any little subs tonight, so I thought I would come and give this to you, hang out. Catch up.” Ryan held out a cell phone, and he took it.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” Ryan took a seat beside him. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing is going on with me.” Edward burst out laughing. “That is a fucking lie.” He glanced over at Ryan. In the past year he had gotten to know this man, and trusted him. “Can you keep a secret?”

  “Of course I can.”

  “You know Isabel Benson.”

  “The cute waitress, yeah. I know her. She’s a sweet girl, why?”

  “I currently have her chained up in my dungeon. She harms herself, Ryan.”

  He watched as Ryan tensed. “Harms?”

  “You know, cuts herself.” Edward stood. “Fuck, I thought I could help her, and I hadn’t been helping her clearly. She’s fucking chained up because I didn’t know what to do.” He walked back into his home, and moved toward his dungeon.

  Ryan followed him, closing the doors.

  “You shouldn’t just leave her. Have you dealt with a self-harmer before?” Ryan asked.

  “No. Clearly, I doubt anyone would tell them to chain up a self-harmer. Have you?”

  “No, but you’ve got to be careful here. Chaining her up is not going to get the cause of why she does it. Maybe she likes pain? Or is it something else?” Ryan asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’ve been taking care of her and you’ve not found out why she’s doing it?”

  Edward glared at him. “I am doing the best I can here.”

  “Chaining her up and looking like shit does not help.”

  “You can leave.”

  “Nah, I think I need to stick around. You might need some help with this.”

  “No, if she wants you to go, then you fucking leave.” Edward opened the door, making sure to keep Ryan out of the way. “Isabel, I have Ryan here. Is it okay for him to be here, or do you want him to go?”

  She looked up at him, and he saw her tears. Just seeing how emotional she was hurt him. He had totally fucked up.

  “I don’t want anyone else here.”

  “Fuck off,” he said, turning to Ryan.

  “Edwa
rd, you’re doing the best you can. Remember that,” Ryan said.

  Edward didn’t wait around for Ryan to go. Entering his room, he made sure to take the key in case Ryan felt like intruding again.

  When he heard his front door close, he focused his attention on Isabel.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said.

  He stared at her thigh. Blood was dripping down her leg, and he had fucked up. He should have taken care of her injury rather than chain her up.

  Without saying a word, he went toward her and helped her down from the chains, moving her toward the chaise lounge he had in the corner. He didn’t say a word as he stared down at the cut on her thigh.

  “Don’t say sorry,” he said. The last thing he needed to hear was another sorry. It was all she ever said, and he was growing tired of them. He’d really thought he was getting through to her. “Do you need to see someone? Talk to someone?”

  “No!” She yelled the word, and winced as he pressed down on her cut.

  Edward gritted his teeth, staring at the woman who was driving him crazy. He had taken away all of her pressure. Her sister Sophie was in college, which she didn’t have to pay for. All of her debts were completely gone, and he’d moved her into his home. She could have anything she wanted. All she had to do was ask, and he’d give it to her. Anything her pretty little heart desired, he would fight to give to her. The problem he faced was the fact she didn’t want anything he could give her. No, Isabel wanted the feel of the blade against her skin. He couldn’t give her that, and he was starting to wonder what he could really do to actually help her. Sophie wasn’t any help either. Her own sister didn’t have a clue that Isabel cut. It was a completely isolated problem. Isabel had been able to keep it a secret for so long. He didn’t know what to do.

  “Isabel,” he said, pausing in taking care of her to look into her eyes. “You need some help.”

  “You’re helping.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You are.”

  He stopped arguing. If she was his submissive, he would have spanked her ass. She didn’t belong to him, so he had to play by a different set of rules. Rules he didn’t understand. He knew nothing about self-harmers or what they were capable of. Did they hurt themselves for the pain? For the rush?

  “Sophie called today.”

  Edward paused, and glanced up at Isabel. Sophie was the younger sister. Isabel had been left to fend for her sister while her parents ran off, and did God knows what. Was that it? Was the responsibility for her sister what drove her to harm?

  “What did she say?”

  “Thank you for such an amazing apartment. She’s really happy, Edward, and I can’t thank you enough. You don’t have to do anything like that, and yet you’ve done so much.”

  He placed his hand on top of her knee. “Stop right there. I do it because I want to, sweetie. I want to help you.” Staring at the brand-new cut on her thigh, he saw he wasn’t doing a good enough job.

  What the hell was he supposed to do? He was drawing a blank on this. Her thighs and even her arms were scarred from past wounds. The sight of blood didn’t seem to faze her at all. She wore clothes that covered the marks. No one knew what she did. They all just looked at her like a normal woman. Was she normal?

  Blowing out a breath, he continued to clean her wound. He couldn’t not clean it. He needed to make sure it was done right.

  ****

  Isabel stared at Edward, and wondered what the hell she could do to make him happy. She was such a disappointment. Her heart felt heavy as she watched him continue to clean her wounds. She was a complete and total fuck up. Everyone had told her that her whole life. Everyone left her, and she would fuck up this thing with Edward just like she messed everything up. All she ever did was try to help, but she just couldn’t stop ruining everything.

  “You don’t have to help.”

  He paused, and stared at her once again. “I want to. I’m not here out of any obligation to you, or to anything. I’m here because I want to be here.”

  She licked her suddenly dry lips, and couldn’t look away. She was trapped within his gaze like she had been so many times before.

  “Okay.”

  “So, I’m thinking you should come and spend some time at Control. I think it will work for you.”

  “The BDSM club?”

  “It’s more than just a club. I think you mingling with other women will help you. You no longer have to work at that diner. I’m taking care of you. How is your studying going?”

  “Slowly.”

  “Well at least you’re studying. You’ll be working with me, and you’ll get to see what I do. There’s always something to be done. Paperwork, cleaning, stocking the bar in the main night club. The BDSM part of the club doesn’t allow alcohol. I know you’re going stir-crazy here without doing anything.”

  And he needed her close to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. The shame swamped her. She had disappointed him again, and now he didn’t trust her.

  What do you expect? You took a sharp knife and dug it into your skin!

  “Okay.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “Have you been around the town yet?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “Not for a few weeks. No one mentioned anything about me living with you. That’s new.”

  She had been living in a trailer with her sister in a really bad part of Cape Falls. It was easier and cheaper living in an old trailer. Also, her parents had owned the trailer before they rushed off, and she was able to get a good deal with the lady who owned the land. Not everyone in Cape Falls was horrible. Cape Falls was a town with old fashioned values. When Edward had asked her to move in with him, she had been concerned about what the town would think. Usually they would have called her a whore, or a woman with low morals, and pretty much every name you could think of because she was living with a man she wasn’t married to.

  “Yeah, it’s taking its time, but Cape Falls are finally coming into the twenty-first century. Some parts they are going to hate, and others they’re going to enjoy. I wonder if they’ve ever heard of porn.” He looked at her, placing a hand in front of his mouth, and gasped with his eyes wide.

  She burst out laughing. “I think they know what porn is.” This was what she loved about being around Edward. He was fun, and he didn’t make her feel like a freak. Even when he was cleaning her thigh, she didn’t feel weird about it. In fact, she loved the feel of his hands on her thighs. His hands were large, and they were so gentle. He didn’t hurt her, and her body always came alive underneath his touch. She loved the way his hands felt on her body.

  There were many nights over the past year that she thought about him, even before she moved in with him. Being in the trailer she had found herself wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking about her. Lying in her bed down the hall from his bedroom, she wondered what he did. She wasn’t stupid. Men needed women, and she had heard her mother and father all night long. She had never been with anyone, and until Edward came into her life, she never really cared about it before. There was no other man who made her body come alive at his mere touch.

  Sucking her lip between her teeth, she wondered if Edward ever thought of her. The moment she thought about it, she cut it off. That was not possible. Someone like Edward would not think of a woman like her. He could have anyone he wanted. He was a dominant man after all, and that kind of men had a lot of women sinking to their knees at their feet. They didn’t have to worry about leaving them alone because they hurt themselves.

  “You’re doing a lot of biting of that lip, babe,” he said, securing the bandage to her thigh.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “I’ve told you to tell me when something feels wrong, or you don’t like anything. Now is one of those times.”

  Again, he wanted her to talk about what she thought.

  Well, Edward, I was wondering what it would be like for the two of us to have sex, or fuck.

  While he was out of the house, and when s
he didn’t want to study, she went to his office where he had a very nice computer, that searched everything. She started with the Dom and sub stuff. Then she went a little deeper looking at the porn. She loved watching couples together, and the thrust of a cock inside a woman.

  Was she a freak for that as well?

  “There’s nothing wrong.” I’m just really aroused and want you. “I’m going to finish dealing with dinner.”

  She got to her feet, and made her way toward the staircase.

  “I get worried because I don’t want anything to happen to you,” Edward said, making her stop and turn. Her hand was on the banister, and she focused on him, not on his equipment that she had spent a good thirty minutes admiring. Some of the whips he had would cause many tears into flesh if hit hard enough.

  “You don’t need to.”

  “I don’t. You make the wrong cut and you’re dead within seconds, Isabel. It’s a dangerous thing that you’re doing. Not to mention that if you pass out, or if you don’t stop the bleeding, I could walk in here one day to find you dead. I don’t want that.”

  “I’m not going to let that happen.”

  “How do you intend to stop it?”

  “I don’t need to cut every day or every month.”

  “There are enough marks on your flesh for me to know that you do it a lot.”

  She stared at the floor. They had been around each other for a year, an entire year of him knowing what she did, and she had moved in with him not so long ago. It was strange how she tried to hide it from everyone else but him. Sophie had no idea what she did. Their parents didn’t know. To everyone outside of his home, she was a normal, stable girl, who was just trying to take care of her baby sister. It’s all they needed to know.

  “I’ve been doing it since I was twelve,” she said. She went to tell him more but stopped.