Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6) Read online

  “I can wait for more. I don’t want you to rush me with the whole story.”

  “I don’t try to kill myself. I don’t want to die.”

  He blew out a breath. “If we were in the UK, I would have your ass down A & E so fucking fast you wouldn’t even know what hit you.”

  “We’re not in England, Edward.”

  “I know. We’re in Cape Falls, and right now I don’t think going to a specialist is right for you.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “I won’t go anywhere.” She didn’t want to talk to anyone, or tell them what she thought when she did it. She just wanted to live her life.

  “Go ahead. Go make dinner and I will clean up this mess.”

  Her mess. She didn’t say anything else as she made her way toward the kitchen. When she entered, she looked around to see all the big knives were still in place. He hadn’t tried to hide them. She wasn’t stupid enough to use a knife.

  She’d meant what she said to him in his little dungeon. The last thing she wanted to do was to die. She liked living, especially now. Sophie was taken care of, and Isabel got to take care of Edward. Cooking for him, doing his laundry, and taking care of his beautiful home.

  Living in a trailer was completely different from living in a beautiful home.

  She loved it here more than she loved anything else.

  Running her fingers across the granite counter, she made her way toward the fridge. Opening it up, she saw the two juicy steaks waiting for them.

  Isabel intended to do everything she could to take care of Edward. He didn’t belong to her, and he never would. She was used to men not wanting her. Still, she could make sure that he was her friend.

  She really did like him, and they talked a lot. There were times she was sure he forgot about what she did. It had been a couple of months since she last cut. She never saw it as hurting herself.

  It wasn’t pain she sought.

  No.

  It was feeling.

  Chapter Two

  Edward didn’t bring it up again, and he kept to his promise. The following day he took her to Control. It was the only BDSM club in town, and it was through his friend, William, that Edward had come to Cape Falls.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?” William asked.

  They both stared across the main dance-floor toward the main bar where Peter Miller was talking with her.

  “I don’t know what is a good idea. This way I know she’s not going to hurt herself.” He couldn’t stand to walk into another room and witness her taking the blade to her body once again.

  “I don’t know much about self-harm, but from what I can gather, it can have a variety of reasons behind it. Abuse, cry for attention, a coping mechanism.”

  “I don’t know what it is, I only know I want her to stop it.” He felt helpless, and it was an emotion he wasn’t used to.

  “You do realize she’s not your problem. She’s not your submissive, or your woman.”

  “That’s fucked up right there. I’m not going to turn my back on her.” He stared at Isabel. Her blonde locks were pulled back into a ponytail. She wore a pair of jeans and a long sleeved white shirt. To anyone looking at her, she was like the girl next door. Sweet, charming, and beautiful. He knew that beneath those clothes she had a bandage on one thigh, and the inside of her arms had multiple scars. Some had faded, and others were still new.

  Was he doing the right thing? Cleaning the damages, and then pretending it didn’t happen?

  Edward didn’t want to be like everyone else in her past. Everyone else just walked away, leaving her. He was the guy who walked away, and he didn’t want to be that way anymore. When he looked at Isabel, he wanted to be her everything. He could help her. He knew it deep in his damn soul.

  “I get it. You’ve got to understand, Edward, I’m used to you walking away and not giving a shit. You’re that guy.”

  “I know what kind of guy I am, and when it comes to Isabel, I can’t walk away. I won’t.” He had tried as well. Witnessing her cutting that first time, he had tried to stay away. It had lasted an entire day. He’d gone crazy wondering what the hell she was doing, and it wasn’t just worrying either. He enjoyed her company. She was fun to be around. There were times over the past year when he could forget what she did. She wasn’t all about the cutting. Isabel loved to watch movies, read books, talk about everything and anything. She loved to hear about growing up in England, some of the words he said like rubbish, wanker, bollocks, and stuff like that.

  They could talk for hours and yet it only seemed like minutes. They had played games together, cards, and other stuff.

  Spending time with Isabel made him feel alive, even if he was older than she was. A good ten years, okay a lot older than she was. He didn’t even want to think about the age gap. To him, age didn’t matter. She was a beautiful young woman, and there were times when he looked into her eyes, and he was convinced she was screaming, crying, calling out for help. He wanted to be the one to help her.

  “Are you even listening to me?” William asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

  “Not at all, sorry.”

  “If you’re distracted having her, it’s not going to be a good idea.”

  “I thought there would be women here. Why aren’t there women here?”

  “We all have lives, and it doesn’t always revolve around a BDSM club. Laura’s working, and she has deadlines. Anna has kids to look after. We’re all busy. My Daisy is looking after our babies. Rose is out back cleaning up one of the playrooms.”

  “I know, but of all the people she could be talking to … Peter.” He pointed at the Dom, who was in fact a really nice guy. Up until he found love in Rose though, he’d been a depressive sort. Was that good to be around a girl that liked to cut?

  You’re so far out of your depth.

  “It’s Peter, and he’s fine. Stop worrying so much. You’re actually driving me crazy with this girl. The way you’re making her sound, you believe she’s going to start slashing everyone.”

  “Keep your voice down.”

  “Does she need to be in the hospital?” William asked. “If she’s so scary and in a bad place, she really has to go to professionals.”

  “It’s not like that. She’s … I don’t know. I can talk to her. I can reach her, okay? It’s not like I turn my back and she’s cutting. It’s not a regular occurrence. It’s not like every week on Friday at three o’clock, she’s cutting.” Edward ran a hand down his face. “I’m screwing this up. She won’t go and see anyone, and I’ve asked her to. She won’t. I’m not going to throw her ass in some kind of hospital so they can poke and prod at her. I’m not going to give up on her. I’m the one screwing this up.” He couldn’t help repeat the same words as that was exactly how he felt.

  “You’re doing good, Edward. She looks fine to me.” William nodded his head toward the bar. “They’re just talking, and just having some fun. Calm the fuck down before you cause problems here. You’re the only one I see causing a problem.”

  Edward couldn’t deny it. The damage he had seen was something he couldn’t get out of his mind. He was so worried, and yet she had clearly been cutting for a long time. She was used to covering it up, hiding the evidence. Her own sister didn’t know what was going on.

  “Come on, let’s go and have a talk with them,” William said, getting to his feet.

  Edward didn’t have time to warn him, or to stop him. Within seconds they were at the bar.

  “Hey, Isabel, how are you doing?” William asked.

  “I’m doing great, thanks. I’ve always wanted to see inside this place. It’s really nice.”

  “You have?”

  She nodded. “When I worked at the diner a lot of people would talk about it. They were curious about this place. They tried to pretend they weren’t, but they were. I guess a lot of people are just curious.”

  “Are you curious?” William asked.

  Her gaze went to Edward, and he watched as she bit that pl
ump lip that he was dying to sink his teeth into.

  “Yeah, I am, a little bit.” Her cheeks were red. What kind of curiosity was she talking about? There had been many times over the past few months that he had wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her. He held back because he didn’t know what she wanted. Of all the women he had ever known, she was one of the hardest to read. There were times he completely forgot about what he saw in the diner, what he witnessed.

  When he first saw it, he had fought with his own demons. When Isabel first moved in, he was more focused on trying to get her help, and getting to know her, and helping with her sister. Then her sister left, and it was just the two of them, intimate. Now, he fought himself because of her cutting, even though there were times she looked at him, and he was sure she wanted the same things as he did.

  “Well, you’ve got the cutest blush,” William said. “Why don’t you show her around the place, Edward? Let her get caught up on everything seeing as she’s going to be working here.”

  “That is a good idea.” Edward held his arm out for her to link with. “Do you want to come with me?”

  “I’d love a tour.”

  The moment she touched him, he felt centered, focused, grounded. What he also felt was a tight stirring in his cock. Every time he was around Isabel he tried to hide it. She didn’t need his attraction right now. She was going through far too much—she had to be otherwise she wouldn’t cut herself—and him coming onto her wouldn’t help at all.

  Placing his hand over hers, he smiled. “Let’s go on a tour then.”

  This was the first time he had taken her around the club. Control was a nightclub at the front, and at the back, a BDSM club. There were many members. Most of them were from out of town, but in recent months a couple of locals had joined. Ryan was one of them, and he was training to be a Dom.

  “Do you know what this place is?” he asked.

  “Like I told you, I heard the rumors. I don’t know what is real and what’s not. I’m always open.”

  Again, he was torn between the woman she was right now, and what he’d seen last night. “This is a BDSM club as well as a nightclub.”

  “It’s both?”

  “Yes. Does that bother you?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “Nope. I don’t mind.”

  “Do you know what BDSM is?”

  “I do actually. I, erm, I did some research on it, and yeah, I’m fascinated.”

  Edward paused to look into her eyes. She was biting that lip, showing him that she was nervous. “BDSM is a lifestyle choice, and for some a hobby.”

  “What is it for you?”

  “I enjoy the lifestyle. I don’t want full kink, and a twenty-four/seven slave or anything. I like to play. I like to be in control, and when I’m in control, my woman is always taken care of. Nothing is left to chance.”

  “Oh.”

  Edward didn’t want to dwell on it, so he moved onto a different topic. “Anyway, there are many levels of kink, many levels of submissive. You can have a pain slut, to a slave, to a need for submission. There are many Doms here who can provide those different levels.”

  “Is this what you did in England?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  “The wet soggy miserable weather? Nah, not at all. I rather like it here. Even in this weird little town. I wouldn’t have met you if I’d stayed over there.” Her smile was worth every second of worry.

  He watched as she tucked some hair behind her ear and the heat filled her cheeks. He’d made her blush.

  ****

  “You’re happy that you’ve met me then?” Isabel asked. Her heart was pounding. Her pussy was soaking wet, and she couldn’t stop the spark of hope that was filling her up from his words.

  “Yeah, I am.”

  She wanted to ask “even with all of her quirks”, but she decided not to push it. “I’m glad I’ve met you as well.”

  Neither of them spoke, and finally Edward pointed behind her. “How far does your research go?”

  “There’s all different kinds of kink. Doctor, schoolgirl, uniforms, and stuff.”

  “Very brief then.”

  She nodded. “I didn’t go into detail.” She was terrified in case she had forgotten to remove the search history from his computer. Edward hadn’t shown any kind of attraction to her while she couldn’t stop. Even now she was wet for him, and he was giving her a tour as if they were in some kind of museum. She couldn’t get her head out of the gutter for a few minutes while he was serious.

  “You don’t need to go into detail. I imagine the work you’ll be doing will be far away from this area of the club.”

  “That stuff in your basement.”

  “My dungeon.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s what I call it. It’s a dungeon. A pleasure and pain dungeon.”

  “Oh.”

  “What about it?”

  “You’re a Dominant that likes control.”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you ever used any of those … pieces on a woman? A man?”

  “I’m not gay, Isabel. I like women. I love women, and their beautiful forms. I’ve never used that equipment on anyone. In fact, you were the first person I tied to the cross as well, and I only did that because I didn’t know how best to protect you. Everything in that room is brand new.”

  “You will want to use that stuff though? On a submissive one day?” How would she cope if he brought another woman home? Not that it was any of her business, but the very thought hurt her so much.

  “Let’s not talk about that, shall we?”

  He took several steps, and Isabel couldn’t help locking her fingers together, rubbing her hands, panicking. She liked Edward. Really liked him.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked.

  When she didn’t answer him right away, he moved up to her, cupping her face. “What’s the matter?” He asked the same question again, and all she could do was feel her eyes fill with tears. She didn’t want to cry, and she couldn’t stop it.

  “I don’t want you to have another woman.”

  His thumb caressed her chin. “Isabel, you don’t have to worry about this.”

  “What about if I tried to be your submissive?” she said.

  He frowned. “You don’t have to worry.”

  “But I do worry, and I can’t stand the thought of another woman being there, being what you need.” She didn’t understand what was happening with her. “I could do this for you. I want to do this for you.”

  Edward still held her face, and she stared into his eyes, waiting. His eyes were green. She had never noticed that before. Shockingly green, and like so many times before, they captivated her. His messy blond hair was tight back against his head, and she knew he was a handsome, sexy man. Any woman would want him. With his very British accent, it made him even more tempting. She had seen a lot of women when she was waitressing at the diner swoon over him.

  If it wasn’t his accent, or his sexiness, then it was the curiosity that everyone had about Control, and his place in Cape Falls. Everyone had to have a place. For as long as she could remember, Cape Falls didn’t like anyone else in their town. Only locals were allowed, and they would make sure to drive out anyone else. It was strange when Gabriel Anderson came to town, and got the job as Sheriff. For the first time in Cape Falls’ long history, an outsider was allowed into town.

  Of course when he was dating and then marrying Amy Grant, a woman who had previously been physically abused by her former husband, many locals tried to make his life hard.

  Cape Falls was a shitty town. She hated it here. If she could have, she would have left long ago, like her parents before her. As it was, they had left her with Sophie, and now there was no way out for her.

  You don’t want to leave.

  You’ve got Edward.

  She wanted to be everything he wanted, and something more. Could it even be possible for her to find that something special
with him?

  “Sweetie, I don’t need to have a submissive. I’m training them here, and I oversee a lot of work. You don’t need to do shit like this for me.”

  Covering his hands on her face, she stared right into those green eyes. “Is it because of the cutting?”

  She watched as his jaw grew tense.

  “Do you think I’m a freak?”

  “No!” He glared at her. “What you’re asking isn’t something you give on a whim, Isabel. Being in a submissive lifestyle, it demands trust, and openness. I need to know that you will tell me, and use safe words when I push too far, and I will. This isn’t just about being a play toy. It’s so much more.”

  He pulled his hands away, and tears flooded her eyes. “There is no other woman in my life.”

  “Until a submissive you play with takes that place.”

  Edward sighed, and she watched as he rubbed his eyes. This was not what she wanted. She didn’t want to become a problem, and yet she couldn’t stop it. What if he got rid of her? What if he no longer wanted her?

  Suddenly, he cupped her face and pressed her against the door.

  “What—” She didn’t get time to say anything more as his lips slammed against hers. She cupped his shoulders, not to push him away, but to hold him closer. She didn’t want to let him go.

  His tongue ran across her lip, and she opened up to him. Never had she been kissed before, and Edward, he was making her first kiss one to remember. This was what she had been spending most of her nights dreaming about.

  Sinking her fingers into his short hair, she held him close, and kissed him back with a passion that she hoped didn’t show her lack of experience. She wanted him, craved his touch, and needed him more than anything else.

  Her heart soared as his kiss deepened. The hand on her cheek moved down, grasping her waist, and then cupping her ass.

  All too soon, he stopped, pressing his head against hers, and sighing.

  She didn’t want it to end.

  “This is why I won’t be having a submissive, Isabel. There is no one else I want but you.”

  “You want me?” She hadn’t anticipated that.

  “Yes, I want you, and I know I shouldn’t.”