Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6) Read online

  “Why?” she asked. There was no reason they couldn’t be together. Nothing stopped them.

  “First, our ages. You’re a lot younger than me.”

  “I don’t care about that. I’m twenty-five years old. Age means nothing.”

  He tapped her thigh where she had cut herself last night. “This means something, Isabel.”

  “I can stop.”

  She watched as he gritted his teeth.

  “Being a submissive, you have to follow instructions. You have to be part of it.”

  “I can do that.” She had been following instructions all of her life. Isabel knew better than anyone else how to follow them.

  Again, Edward looked sad.

  “What is it?” she asked. “Please, give me this chance.” She never thought she would be begging for a man to take her as she was Edward. It was pitiful. For her, it was Edward. She couldn’t lose him. She didn’t want to lose him.

  “I’m not denying you, but I’m also not going to completely agree either,” he said. “We’ll take this slow. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, and I’m sorry.”

  “I loved it. It was my first kiss.” There was no point denying it.

  “Your first kiss?”

  She nodded.

  Edward stared at her. “If that was your first kiss, does that mean…”

  “I’ve never had sex before. I’ve never been in a relationship.” She shrugged. “I’ve never wanted to be.”

  “You want to be in one with me?”

  She nodded again. “Yes. I like you, Edward.” She did like him, so much. It was hard for her to put her true feelings into words. In her world, she couldn’t voice anything. She always had to keep everything locked inside so no one knew how afraid, how angry she was. The life they had all been dealt with was the one she had to live with. She had been dealing for a long time.

  “Do you even know what this means?” he asked. “Being mine?”

  Isabel licked her lips. Part of her wanted to lie, but she knew that wouldn’t be good either. “No. I don’t know what it all means.”

  “Then before you even think of making that commitment, you need to know what you’re offering.”

  It didn’t matter what she had to do. She would do whatever he wanted, and be whatever he needed her to be.

  Chapter Three

  Taking Isabel on a tour wasn’t that bad. Edward was finding everything surreal when it came to her. She wanted to be his submissive even without knowing everything.

  “I’m screwed,” he said, talking to Ryan.

  “You mean because you’ve got your little cutter working here?” Ryan asked.

  “Keep your voice down.”

  Isabel was with the women who had finally decided to turn up to the club, and Edward was trying not to freak out.

  “She’s distracted over there. I’d never say anything that she could actually hear. Give me some class.”

  “And you wonder why your wife left you?”

  “Actually, I left her because she was denying the fact she was gay.”

  Edward frowned. “Huh?”

  “Yep. My wife was gay, and we were married to each other because our parents wanted us to be, not because we wanted to be. You have certainly come to a weird ass town.”

  “I like weird. It’s normal I can’t stand.” He stared at Isabel, trying to figure her out. One moment she seemed so fragile that imagining a life with her was out of the question. That was only because he knew about the cutting.

  Would it matter without the cutting?

  He was so confused, and for him, that meant something.

  “What is normal? A guy and girl marrying, and being in love, having a couple of kids? Is that what you consider normal?”

  “I don’t know what I consider normal. I only know what I’ve been told, and guess what? I don’t like it.”

  “Do you want to help her?” Ryan asked.

  “Of course I do.”

  “The way she looks at you, I think you’re going to have to be careful.” Ryan was cleaning up several of the glasses. Edward had noticed that he liked everything to be perfect, clean, even in his playroom.

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s in love with you, and if that’s not love, then she has got some deep feelings for you, friend.”

  “I take care of her. She’s probably just grateful—”

  Ryan cut him off. “I have known Isabel Benson for a long time. Even when she was a little girl before her sister was born. When she was little, she never asked for any help. Her mother would forget about her in the street. After a few times, Isabel didn’t even wait around to be taken home. She walked home. When her little sister came along, she did everything she could to take care of her. All the way through high school, she took jobs to help pay.”

  “What about her parents?”

  “They didn’t give a shit about the two kids they’d brought into this world. The only thing they cared about was each other, and partying. Isabel took care of Sophie. Isabel kept a roof over all of their heads. Isabel sacrificed everything, and she didn’t once ask for help or even complain.”

  “How do you know all this?” Edward asked.

  “I’m a Cape Falls local. Everyone knows about this, and we’ve all been taught to look the other way or look at them with shame if someone dared asked for help. This place is a shit hole, Edward. We’ve made our mistakes, and I can bet we’re going to have a few more along the way. Isabel is in love with you. She would never have accepted your help if she didn’t have feelings for you. Isabel never asks for help, and she doesn’t accept any either.”

  Edward turned toward the woman, and watched Isabel. She held herself quite tightly, and he saw even from all this distance that she was uncomfortable. He didn’t need to go save her. She was nervous about being around new people, that he knew. Also, Sophie before she had left for college gave him a few updates, and telltale signs of what to look out for. Her sister adored Isabel, and only wanted the best for her.

  All he wanted to do was do the right thing by her.

  “She wants to be my submissive,” he said.

  “Wow, that is a huge commitment.”

  “She was worried that I would find another woman. I think she’s worried about me kicking her out or something.”

  Ryan hummed as he looked over at the women. “It would make sense. All of her life she has put others first, but right now I think she wants you, and she doesn’t know how to tell you that she wants you. She’s probably scared of you either finding her lacking, or finding someone else. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Edward. How do you feel about her?”

  “I want her.” He had wanted her from that first day he’d walked into the diner, and looked into her beautiful but pain-filled eyes. Edward hadn’t wanted to know what that pain meant. Walking into her mid-cut had changed his life, and hers. With the evidence right in front of his face he hadn’t been able to walk away.

  He had stayed, and since then, little by little, he had made changes to her life. Getting rid of the trailer where she lived was the biggest one.

  “What are you two ladies talking about?” Gideon asked, taking a seat at the bar.

  “No uniform today?”

  “Nah, the deputy in training is giving me the afternoon off. Besides, right now we’re not really that busy.”

  “You’re not?” Ryan asked. “I thought the town of Cape Falls kept you busy.”

  “There have been a lot of changes in the past year. People are handling their differences and leaving me out of it.” Gabriel rubbed his eyes. “It’s good. It’s slow but good. I got a call the other day to complain about a girl wearing a short skirt. It was indecent and sinful I was told.”

  “How did you handle that?” Edward asked.

  “I listened, and then asked her how her grandkid was. What are you guys talking about?”

  “Isabel wants to be Edward’s submissive,” Ryan said.

  “Jesus, can’t you keep
it to yourself?”

  “I didn’t know I was supposed to.” Ryan shrugged. “Forget what I just said. It’s all lies, I promise you.”

  “You and Isabel, it makes sense,” Gabriel said.

  “Why does it make sense?”

  “It just does. You’re the first person to have really gotten through to her, so that must mean something.”

  Edward didn’t even know if he was getting to her, or if she was just carrying on like she always did.

  “Are you working tonight?” Gabriel asked.

  “No. I’m not on as the Dom on tonight.”

  “That’s Peter. Edward is on tomorrow night. Why?” Ryan asked.

  Gabriel shrugged. “I was just curious.”

  When Edward couldn’t stand it anymore, he made his excuses, and went to get Isabel. They were going to be spending a lot of time together at the club, and he didn’t want to bombard her with too much information straight away. Witnessing the submissives in the club could be bad for her. She hurt herself, and he really didn’t know how she’d react to that kind of lifestyle straight away. He didn’t want to rush her.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked.

  “Yes, I’m ready.” She smiled, and he saw she was grateful.

  She said her goodbyes, and he offered a smile to all of the women there. When they were free and clear, he opened her door, and waited for her to slide inside. “I’m thinking we could go out to dinner,” he said, sliding inside the car.

  “Cool. I’m happy with that.”

  “How was it with the women?” he asked.

  “They’re all good fun. They wanted to know if you were treating me well. I told them the truth.” She smiled at him.

  Again, he couldn’t believe that everything was completely normal. Isabel didn’t react or change, even though they both knew what she’d done last night.

  Don’t do it.

  Don’t bring it up.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “It’s nothing, babe. So, you didn’t ask them about submissives?” He wanted to think about something else right now.

  “No, I didn’t. It seemed a little personal, and I don’t know any of them all that well.”

  He hadn’t invited them around much over the last year. Seeing them all regularly at Control, he’d not seen the point in inviting them home.

  “Do you have any friends? I don’t think I can recall you inviting anyone over?”

  “No. I don’t have friends. I wouldn’t invite anyone over without your permission.”

  “My home is your home, babe. You can invite anyone over.”

  “That’s okay but I don’t have any friends, so everything is more than fine.”

  He didn’t like that. “Have you had any friends?”

  She shook her head. “Nah. I’m good. I’ve not gotten close to anyone. There has never been any need. There’s Sophie, and I’ve always been close to her.”

  Things were starting to come together, and Edward was beginning to see why Isabel was the way she was. From taking care of her sister and a town like Cape Falls, there was no one for her to turn to. From a young age, she’d had so much to deal with. Parents that didn’t care, a town that looked the other way. Trying to do everything on her young shoulders.

  ****

  Isabel looked over the menu of the fancy Italian restaurant. She had never been anywhere so grand. Edward had taken them out of Cape Falls, and toward a city restaurant.

  “You can order whatever you want,” he said.

  “There’s no prices on here.” She pointed at the menu and leaned in close.

  “I know. You don’t have to worry about anything. Just order for yourself, and enjoy.”

  Nodding, she looked up and down the list of different courses. There were so many different options, and her stomach started to growl.

  “What did you think of Control?”

  “It’s really good. I noticed you didn’t take me to any of the playrooms they have there.”

  “How do you know they are called playrooms?” he asked.

  She smiled. “Daisy told me.” Closing the menu, she handed it to him. “You order for me. Surprise me.”

  “Okay then.” He signaled the waiter, and she found herself watching him, and bit her lip. The way he spoke to the waiter was so confident, so sure of himself. She loved the way he commanded a room, and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought about him. “Was that okay?” he asked.

  “Yes, perfect.”

  He smiled. “You weren’t even listening.”

  “You’re right. I wasn’t.”

  She rested her chin on her hands, and smiled at him. His lips called to her, and she wanted them back on her lips more than anything.

  “You’re thinking about my kiss, aren’t you?” he asked, placing his arms on the table, leaning forward.

  Everything faded away as he got closer.

  “Yes, I am.”

  “You want my lips on yours?” he asked.

  “Do you have to ask?”

  Oh my God, I’m flirting. I’m really flirting.

  He tilted his head to the side. “When I first saw you in the diner in that cute little waitressing uniform, I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you.”

  “What did you want to do to me?”

  She pressed her thighs together as a flood of warmth swamped her. She was a twenty-five-year-old virgin, and it was pitiful. Would he be her first? Of course he would. It was going to be Edward or no one. There was no way she was going to be with anyone else. No one else called to her the way he did.

  He leaned so close that she felt his breath against her face. “I wanted to bend you over the table, lift up that skirt, pull your panties down, and slide my dick so deep inside your cunt that you couldn’t walk properly for days.”

  Heat filled her cheeks, and she thrust forward on her chair, creating some friction with her jeans against her clit. “I would have liked that.”

  Edward chuckled. “I think you would have shouted and screamed at me, babe. Now, I don’t think you would be all that shocked.”

  “I’m not. It’s what I want.” She stared at him, wondering if he would forgo dinner. “Do you want to go home?” She was too impatient to wait for him to take the next step.

  Edward reached out, taking hold of her hand. “No. We’re not going home. We’re going to stay here, and we’re going to get to know one another, and then, we’re going to take our time. There’s no rushing this.”

  “You don’t need to go slow for me.”

  “I want to go slow, and I want to go slow for me.” He held both of her hands with her palms up, covering them with his own hands. If he pushed up the sleeves of her shirt, the scars of her past would be easy to see. “I need you to heal.”

  “I don’t…”

  “In time some of these scars will fade, but what I need from you is that when you feel like you want to cut, you come to me,” he said.

  She frowned. They hadn’t really talked about this. Apart from him getting angry, and then after a few tense moments, everything seemed to fade into the background. This was the first time anyone had talked to her like this.

  Licking her lips, she felt her heart pounding. No one else had known what she had done. It wasn’t something that she advertised.

  “Do you have something that you use? A special kit?” he asked.

  She nodded her head as tears filled her eyes. For the first time in her life, she felt on the spot, the full focus of attention.

  “I’m going to want that kit.”

  Her hands were shaking and she tried to take them back, but Edward kept hold of her arms, keeping her in place. In a weird kind of way, she felt grounded, like someone was holding her completely.

  “Why?”

  “There is going to have to be a level of trust built up. You want to be my submissive, then there are certain demands that I have. The first one is that you don’t harm yourself, and that whenever you feel the need, you come to me.
”

  She had never relied on anyone.

  There was no one in her world that could help her.

  “I’m alone.”

  “No! You’re not alone. Isabel, look at me, baby.”

  She found herself staring into his green eyes, being utterly captivated by him.

  “You’re never alone. I promise.”

  “Will you start removing other objects now from the house? The knives in the kitchen?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “This is about trust. If you cannot trust me with this, then I cannot trust you as my submissive. It’s as simple as that.”

  She took several deep breaths. Be his or keep the cutting.

  “There’s no way for me to change your mind?”

  “I’m not asking for a lot, sweetie.”

  You are!

  “If I give you what you want, then what do I get?” she asked.

  “You get me. Completely. We will go to Control together. I will explore everything with you.” The hold on her hands had lightened, and when she glanced down, she saw him stroking her wrist.

  It was nice. More than nice. He stroked the tips of his fingers down hers and then grasped her. “I need you to realize that I’m the person you can rely on, Isabel. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here in Cape Falls to stay.”

  “What if I need you and you’re not there?”

  “I’ll be a phone call away, and as my submissive you will follow instruction. I’ve never taken you to my dungeon other than to strap you up the other day. Once we have finished our lunch, I will give you a proper experience within my playroom. No games, pleasure will certainly come, as will pain. Do you like pain?” he asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  She knew she didn’t mind pain as the feel of the knife sinking into her flesh was a welcome relief. There was always that point where it hurt too much, and she stopped. This had never been a problem before. The cutting gave her a relief that had never given her time to really analyze what she liked about it. It was the control, the feeling of being able to do something no one else could. Being punished by Edward would be different? Could she handle that kind of pain?

  “So, are you in or not?” Edward asked. “If you’re not, then nothing changes. We go back to living the way we have. Your job at the club is still there, but you have to go to the hospital, or see someone, Isabel.”