Not Damaged Read online

  “Yes, I cook.” She turned to face her mother. “I cook a hell of a lot because I love doing it but you stopped me from doing it for whatever reason you thought was relevant. I’m moving on but you’re dragging me down constantly. None of what happened had anything to do with you. This is all about me. Stop making it all about fucking you.” She slammed her palm on the table and stood. “I’m in love with Ryan and he’s my life. Go ahead, tell him everything but he loves me. Nothing will change that.”

  She pressed a hand to her heart, feeling the tears well up and spill over.

  “Actually, can I say something now,” Ryan said, standing up.

  His large body made her feel so small, so safe. Suddenly he dropped to his knee, pulling something out of his pocket.

  “Jesse Robinson, you are the love of my life. I know we’ve not known each other long but I know there is no other woman I’d rather spend my life with. You’re everything to me. I know you went through hell but I’m here to make you feel like you live in heaven. Will you do me the honors of becoming my wife?”

  Staring at the ring to his handsome face, Jesse was shocked. No words could explain her feelings for him. “Do you mean that?”

  “Baby, I never say anything I don’t mean.”

  Her family fell away completely. The modest ring glinted up at her, perfect and show casing her future.

  “Yes, yes, yes, I love you so much.” Throwing her arms around him, she got to her knees to hug him close. Tears of happiness spilled over her cheeks.

  Ryan pulled her to her feet. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Turning back to her stunned family she wiped her tears away and smiled. “You can either be happy for me or let me go,” she said. “I can’t live with you all thinking about what happened. I love you all but please, stop bringing it up. It’s over and done with. I’m not damaged. I’m okay.”

  Silence fell on the room and then Liam stood. “You hugged me today and for the first time in ten years I feel like I’ve got my daughter back.”

  He pulled her in close. Her mother came next followed by her brother. Jake stayed back, smiling at her. She smiled back at him, pleased he’d given her to Ryan. If he’d not, she would have still been struggling with her life.

  Sitting down at the table, the atmosphere was tense but everyone seemed happier somehow. Ryan stayed by her side while Barbara started talking wedding. She couldn’t believe how different her life was turning out to be. Maybe, she really could move on.

  * * * *

  One year later

  Ryan stared at his wife as she walked around the dungeon talking to the members. Jesse really did know her place in his life. For the first hour she did the rounds talking with everyone to make sure they were happy, playing the part of his wife. The rings on her wedding finger showed her place within his life. Their wedding took place over nine months ago. Barbara and her family helped to organize the ceremony.

  The three months it took for him to marry her, Jesse had grown close to her family once again. None of them were treating her as if she was damaged. They all saw the beautiful woman she’d turned into, inside and out.

  “She’s really glowing, isn’t she?” David asked, coming to stand beside him.

  Glancing down the length of her body, he saw the evidence of his true possession. Her rounded stomach showed off his unborn child. Getting her pregnant had taken a lot of energy and determination. “She really is.”

  “I envy you, Ryan. She’s totally in love with you. When it’s slow at work, I’ve seen her admiring her ring and stroking the collar she wears around her neck.” David slapped him on the back. “You sure are one lucky bastard.”

  He knew how lucky he was. The collar around her neck was a simple locket. To the outside world everyone saw a devoted husband who lavished his wife with jewels. Ryan and all in the BDSM community saw the claiming it truly was. His mark lay around her neck, forcing others to see who she belonged to.

  In his pocket lay the key to open the collar. When she asked about a collar, Ryan knew it had been time to make her his woman. He collared her at Extreme in front of their friends a few weeks after they were married.

  “I know I’m fucking lucky. She’s my woman, and there’s no way I’m letting her get away. Try and find your own submissive.” Leaving David, he walked to his little sub’s side. Wrapping an arm around her stomach he smiled at Bill who usually manned the security within the club. Extreme was closed for the weekend to undergo some refurbishment but the main dungeon was still open for his Doms and their submissives.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, kissing her neck.

  She moaned, tilting her head back. “Hello, Sir.”

  “I was just saying, Ryan, your woman is looking absolutely lovely this evening,” Frank said. Frank was a wealthy businessman who took pride in his ability to own more than one submissive.

  “Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, my wife needs punishing. This morning she went without food and almost made herself poorly. I take her care seriously and she needs to know what she did wrong.” Taking her hand he led her over to the soft spanking bench. Extreme’s dungeon had both a hard and soft spanking bench for their women or men to lean over to punish.

  Jesse took position getting her rounded stomach comfortable. Ryan ran a hand up and down her back loving the feel of her beautiful skin against his palm.

  “I won’t give you all your punishment tonight, baby. We’ll take it slowly because of your condition,” he whispered against her ear.

  “Yes, Sir,” she said, sounding breathless.

  Chuckling, he moved behind her, lifting up the skirt of her dress to reveal the lacy purple underwear he’d given to her some time ago. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said, running his palm over her ass.

  Several members of the club gathered around them to witness her punishment. He’d also packed his lube and anus dildo to continue with her punishment. Finding out about her pregnancy, he’d discussed their sex life extensively with the doctor. Ryan knew what he was allowed to do to her without endangering her or their baby's life.

  Opening her legs wide, he tugged her panties down to her knees, revealing her wet slit and puckered hole of her anus.

  He heard her moan as he fingered her creamy cunt. Ryan brought his hand down hard on her ass in four rough spanks. She cried out but her pussy showed her arousal.

  When he’d finished spanking her ass, her butt glowed a lovely pinkish red. Reaching into her bag he pulled out her favorite crop. The leather stung her flesh but didn’t cause her to bleed. Ryan hated hurting her beyond punishment. Striking her ass and the backs of her legs, he held back making sure the blows were bearable without taking her too far into a dangerous realm.

  By the time he finished teasing her flesh with his palm and the crop, Jesse whimpered, thrusting her pussy out toward him.

  “Your punishment is not completely over. You’ve taken your spanks but now it’s time to open your ass up.” He took out the lube and anal plug he’d brought along with him.

  Preparing the plug, he anointed it with plenty of lube. Ryan always made sure to apply plenty of lubricant. He feared what would happen the moment he didn’t.

  “I’m putting the lube over your ass, baby. It’s a little cold but it will soon warm up.” He pressed his fingers into her anus adding more and more lube. When he sank into her ass without any restriction or fear of hurting her, he slowly pushed the plug inside her, securing the straps around her waist to keep the plug inside.

  Replacing her panties, he released her straps, returned her skirt down and stepped back. “Now, present to me and tell me how you feel.”

  She got up slowly. Other subs would be punished for taking their time but Jesse was pregnant and he gave her more time to compose herself. She dropped to her knees, bowing her head, thrusting her chest out and opening her thighs.

  “Thank you, Sir, for showing me you care and punishing me for doing wrong.”

  Wiping his fingers on the towel, he nodded his approval.

  “Good, I do not want you harming yourself again. You will eat and learn to take care of yourself, or I will punish you more. Do I make myself clear?” he asked.

  “Yes, Sir, you do.”

  “Good. Get to your feet and kiss me.”

  Jesse rose gracefully to her feet then kissed his lips. Wrapping his arms around her, Ryan claimed her lips showing her what he really wanted from the kiss. The room went up, laughing, clapping and sighing.

  Since their wedding they’d been the talk of the club. Their love something to be envied and he saw many subs looking at Jesse with envy. In time, all of them would know what it’s like to be loved by their man. He was sure of it.

  * * * *

  The moment they got inside their country home, Ryan pulled her into his arms and Jesse melted against him. She lived on cloud nine for most of her life. The love she felt for him spiraled within her, shining out. Her family saw the difference inside her and because of that, they accepted Ryan easily into the fold.

  She also imagined his love for her helped. Barbara Robinson believed him to be a true romantic at heart.

  “You took your punishment well tonight,” he said, taking her upstairs to their bedroom.

  Jesse smiled. She’d purposefully forgotten to eat so he’d play with her tonight at the club. He rarely punished her anymore.

  Being pregnant didn’t mean she was immune to lust. In fact for the last few weeks all she’d been able to think about was making love, fucking. Her dreams were filled with nothing but sex.

  He picked her up, carrying her past the nursery they'd decorated together.

  The plug in her ass reminded her of what would come tonight. If he forced her to hold a plug in her pussy then his intentions were to ravish her there. The same with an anal plug, Ryan would be fucking her ass tonight.

  The first time he took her ass would stay with her forever. He’d been so caring, taking his time and talking her through everything he did. Her orgasm that day had been more powerful than anything she could recall at his hands.

  If he used a plug for her ass and pussy then he intended to devote time to each. She smiled thinking about how easy her man was to read.

  He placed her on the floor and started to undress her. When she stood naked, he circled her admiring up and down her body. Along the base of her back, his name was tattooed into her skin. His fingers brushed across the words and she heard his indrawn breath.

  “Every time I see this, I can’t believe you marked your flesh with my name.”

  She reached out, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it down his body. On his chest, over his heart lay her name. “How could I not when you did something so beautiful?” Jesse caressed her name over his skin.

  Ryan ordered her to kneel on the edge of the bed.

  Out of the corner of her eye she saw him getting naked. The long thick length of his cock shone in the low lighting of the room. Her pussy clenched recalling how full he left her feeling.

  She heard the drawer where he kept his supply of toys open then closed. Kneeling on the bed she only heard what he did rather than saw.

  Closing her eyes, she waited.

  Fingers released the binds of the plug inside her ass. He pulled them from her thighs then eased the plug out.

  “It has opened you up just right, baby,” he said. Fingers teased against her puckered anus, sliding inside and out. “Are you ready for me to fuck this perfect ass?”

  “Yes, fuck me please, Sir,” she begged.

  When they were at Extreme she always called him Sir for the remainder of the day and night. Most times she called him Sir. She learned not to call it to him in front of her family. The first time she did her mother looked startled. Jesse lied, telling her mother it was an ongoing joke between them.

  The tip of his cock pressed to her ass.

  She didn’t tense, knowing being relaxed would help her far more than not.

  “Good girl, don’t tense around me. Take me in.”

  He eased his length, inch by glorious inch into her ass.

  Moaning, Jesse took him deep inside her body. Taking breaths she forced herself to relax. His cock was huge and it took every ounce of effort not to tense up.

  “You’re doing well, baby. You’ve almost got it all.”

  “I love you, Sir.”

  He stroked along the line of her back then down again. “I love you too, Jesse.”

  Hands gripped her hips to thrust the rest of him within her ass.

  Jesse whimpered. The pain and pleasure combined becoming too much for her.

  “Fuck, you’re a lot tighter than I remembered.” He cursed.

  His cock jerked within her.

  “Touch your clit, Jesse. Make yourself come all over my cock.”

  Reaching between her thighs, she caressed her swollen slit. The smallest touch left her groaning from the mind shattering pleasure taking over.

  Ryan took his time pulling out of her body them pressing back inside. Each thrust driving her closer and closer to the edge.

  Their moans echoed off the wall and the sounds of flesh hitting flesh filled the room.

  “Come for me,” he said, growling the words out.

  She focused on her clit and within seconds she shattered, falling over the edge into bliss. Blood pulsed around her head making her feel light headed. Somewhere in the background she heard Ryan shout, grunt and then the jerking of his cock inside her ass. His cum spurted inside her.

  Slumping to the bed completely drained, Jesse opened her eye to see what to do.

  “Wow, fucking wow. I’ll never get tired of making love to you,” he said, kissing her back.

  “We fucked.”

  He spanked her ass hard. “Every time we’re together we make love. What I feel for you goes far beyond sex and fucking.”

  Smiling, she glowed under his admonishment. “Good, I love hearing you say how much you love me, Sir.”

  “Good.”

  After some time passed, Ryan carried her through to the bathroom. She no longer complained when he picked her. There would come a time throughout her pregnancy when she’d be too heavy to carry.

  She sat on the toilet watching him run them a bath.

  Once they were inside the water, she rested her head against his chest.

  “Are you happy, Sir?” she asked.

  He caressed her stomach and her breast in turn.

  “Jesse, words cannot even begin to describe what I feel for you. I love you with my whole heart and when you give birth, we’ll be a family completely. What about you, are you happy with me?”

  “I’ve never been happier before in my life. Never let me go.”

  His arms surrounded her, wrapping her in his warmth. “Never. You’re mine to keep for the rest of our lives.”

  Ryan kissed her head and Jesse sighed. For a long time she’d felt damaged, broken even. He showed her how strong she actually was and she finally felt free to love and to breathe again. Nothing in the world could make her life better.

  Epilogue

  Three years later

  Jesse stared around the garden seeing their friends and family mingling. Ryan stood at the barbeque flipping burgers, turning sausages and checking on the marinated chicken she prepared the night before.

  The whole family was together once again. They all got together for special occasions but Ryan refused their visit at Christmas as he wanted her and the kids all to himself.

  Glancing around the garden, delight at what she saw filled her.

  Their first born son was squealing in the pool with Ryan’s mother, his grandma, laughing and kicking at the water. Her daughter sat on her granddad’s knee, Liam’s, reading a book. All of her family accepted her for the way she is.

  Fingering the collar around her neck, she held on tight to their youngest baby who lay asleep on her chest. Being Ryan’s wife and submissive was the best feeling in the world. When she was with him, she was whole. Walking over to Ryan, she smiled at their family on her way. For a few minutes she stopped and talked with the family, listening to their short tales. Her gaze never left Ryan. Jesse wanted his arms wrapped around her. Holding onto her son, she made her excuses to talk with Ryan. She dropped a kiss on her daughter’s brow, waved at her son then moved to Ryan’s side.

  She’d been feeding their baby and was exhausted from all the activity. Motherhood suited her well, even though she was tired most of the time. Ryan offered to employ a nanny, she refused. Looking after her kids was her responsibility. The fatigue would soon disappear. Jesse knew she had to tell Ryan the truth about her exhaustive state.

  “How are you doing, baby?” he asked, staring into her eyes. Nothing ever got past him. Ryan saw everything. He was a wonderful father.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You look tired.” Ryan took their son from her arms. “Sit, rest.” He leaned in close so only she could hear. “That’s an order.” Her pussy tingled at the warning in his voice. Closing her eyes, she tried to stop the moan from leaving her lips. Ryan took possession of her mouth, kissing her into silence. “There, be quiet and rest.”

  Taking a seat next to him, she tilted her head back to get more of the sun. Her lips were tender from his harsh kiss. She wanted more from him.

  “I found this in the bathroom today,” he said, pulling her out of her thoughts.

  Opening her eyes she saw the pregnancy test box she’d left. Crap, she’d forgotten to throw it in the proper trash where he couldn’t see.

  “I also heard you throwing up this morning.”

  His voice lowered so only they could hear. With him this close, Jesse struggled to think past the pulse of arousal building inside her.

  “Well, what do you need to tell me?” he asked.

  Smiling, she stood to her feet, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I wanted to confirm it with the doctor first,” she said.

  “When is your appointment?”

  “In a week.”

  “You were going to make me wait a week?”

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