Lust Read online

  Landon turned on some music, and she sang along. They were both still singing as they pulled into the clubhouse. The sun was beaming down, and a lot of the crew turned to look at them.

  “I don’t see Raoul,” she said.

  “He’ll be here when he can.”

  Climbing out of the car, she walked toward Holly and Mary. Matthew was sitting at the table, making notes in a book while Holly held her son in her arms. Mary was leaning back on a sun lounger with her hands on her swollen stomach.

  “I’m a beached whale. If was I on a beach right now they’d throw me back in,” Mary said, moaning.

  Zoe laughed, taking a seat beside Holly.

  “Hey, you,” Holly said.

  “How’s everyone?” Zoe touched Drake’s fingers, loving the way his little hand squeezed hers. “You’re going to be so strong.”

  “How were finals?” Holly asked. Landon had walked over to join them.

  “Fucking hard work, that’s what.” He stretched his neck out. “What are you working on?”

  He pointed at Matthew.

  “Math. I flunked, and as punishment for not asking for help, I’ve got to spend the summer brushing up on my skills while all my friends are out partying.”

  “Your friends didn’t flunk math, you did. If they flunked math they’d be forced to stay in all summer,” Holly said, moving Drake to her other knee. “Were they hard?”

  “Yeah, I don’t even want to look at another book again.”

  Pike walked out of the clubhouse. He knelt beside his wife, kissing her lips before going to her stomach.

  “How are you both doing?”

  “I’m fine. Baby is fine.”

  The love shining between the two made her ache for Raoul.

  “Where’s Raoul?” she asked, surprised he wasn’t here by now.

  “He’s just running an errand for Mac. He owns the diner, and I asked him to do me that one favor. I reminded him that I didn’t beat the shit out of him when he deserved it,” Mary said.

  “You beat the shit out of his bike, Mary,” Holly said.

  “Look, it was the least I could do. What he did to you prom night wasn’t something that should be handled with a slap on the wrist.”

  “Now who’s suffering with hormones?” Pike asked, stroking his wife’s arm.

  Zoe looked from one person to the other, confused. “What did Raoul do on prom night?”

  Holly shut down, but Mary hadn’t seen the looks going her way whereas Zoe had.

  “Holly didn’t have a date when it was prom night. Raoul took her, and her virginity, prom night. He almost lost his club membership for what he did.”

  Zoe felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. “He took your virginity?”

  “Yes, it’s all water under the bridge as they say. I’m in love with Duke and wouldn’t ever have loved Raoul.”

  “Zoe, are you okay? You’ve gone really pale.” Landon spoke up.

  “I’ve just come over feeling a little sick.” She stood up, and Landon placed a hand under her arm.

  “Do you want to go up to Raoul’s room until he gets back?” Mary asked.

  “No, I don’t think I’m up to a visit. If I’ve got a sickness bug, I don’t want to pass it along to your little one.” She moved back toward the car. “I know I’m asking a lot, Landon. Will you take me home?”

  Raoul had lied to her. He’d lied and made her think she was something special and he’d lied to her. Why would he lie to her?

  Climbing into the passenger side, she watched Landon get back behind the wheel. She gave the gang a quick wave, waiting for Landon to pull out of the parking lot.

  “I think we should wait for Raoul. Something has obviously upset you.”

  “I don’t want to be here when he’s here, Landon. I want to be gone, and if you don’t drive, I’ll drive myself. Either way, I’m not staying here. I refuse to be here.” Zoe turned away from him.

  He started the car, peeling out of the clubhouse.

  “I’m not comfortable doing this.”

  Zoe leaned forward putting her head between her thighs. She was hurt, betrayed, angry, and it was all because of Raoul.

  You were the one who pursued him.

  Damn, why could she have thought for a moment that she’d really mean anything to him?

  “Zoe, what’s going on?”

  “What’s going on? Raoul lied to me.” She turned back to face the only friend she had. “He told me I was the first virgin he’d ever been with. He never once mentioned to me that he’d fucked Holly or taken her virginity. What is he, the virginity police?” She slapped her palm against the dashboard, angry with her own naivety.

  “This is something you really need to talk about with him, not me.”

  “Why would he? He lied to me, Landon.”

  “There’s a reason for everything. Give him a chance.”

  She shook her head. “Just take me home. I need time to think.” She turned the music on high so that she didn’t have to listen to another word that Landon had to say. She was hurting all over. In the last few months she’d shared so much with Raoul. Was it all a lie? No, it couldn’t all be a lie. She refused to believe that he’d used her.

  He could have.

  Zoe had been so easy. All Raoul had to do was snap his fingers for her to go running to him.

  ****

  Crazy sat in Leanna’s living room as she put Strawberry to sleep. Suz was out of his life, and he was doing his best to become part of Leanna’s world. She didn’t give him the time of day, unless Strawberry was involved.

  “She’s asleep. Are you sure you don’t want me to carry her back to your apartment?”

  “No. I think she likes sleeping here.”

  Leanna nodded, picking up the few toys that were lying around. Her space was nicely kept, well cleaned, and childproof.

  “When will Suz be by to pick her up?”

  “She won’t be. I thought you’d have heard. I’m divorcing Suz. She was cheating on me with a lot of other men. I couldn’t have that kind of woman around my kid anymore.”

  “Wow, I’m so sorry. I don’t listen to gossip.”

  She took a seat, giving him sympathetic eyes. He didn’t want her sympathetic eyes. He wanted her looking at him with lust or desire.

  “No, gossip rarely offers the truth. To be honest, Suz and I, we were only together for Strawberry.” He reached over, placing a hand on top of hers. She jumped back, jerking out of his touch. Crazy cursed. She was like a small bird, flying off at a mere touch.

  “You’ve got a beautiful daughter. I can understand wanting the best for her. If you need any help, I’ll be more than happy to be there for you.” She grabbed their cups from the coffee table. The corners had little white patches of foam that helped with the childproofing. This woman had childproofed her home for him. He really couldn’t believe it.

  She moved away, going into her small kitchen. He couldn’t let her get away. Standing up, he followed her into the kitchen. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket, and with the heat he wore a short sleeved shirt, showing off his muscles. Crazy knew how to capture a woman’s attention.

  “Can I help you?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

  Leanna looked over her shoulder, shaking her head. “No, I don’t need any help. Do you want another coffee before you go?”

  “You want me to leave?” He stepped into the kitchen, moving up behind her. When he placed his hands on either side of her at the sink, he breathed in the strawberry scent of her hair. He loved strawberries.

  “What are you doing?” She pulled her hands out of the water, pressing her palm to his chest.

  “This.” Sinking his hands into her hair, he claimed her lips, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, moaning as she opened a little and he slid his tongue inside her mouth.

  As quickly as the kiss started, she jerked away, shaking her head. “No, I’m not taking over from Suz.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talk
ing about.” Shame filled him.

  “Look at me, Crazy. I know the kind of women you like. I’m not them. You’ve seen me with Strawberry, and now you’re trying to get me take her place. I won’t do it. I love your daughter, but I won’t be used to become part of her life.” Leanna wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Please leave my apartment.”

  “Leanna?”

  “No, I’ll take care of Strawberry for you. I won’t become her mother or whatever you want to use me for.”

  Crazy stared at her. Tears filled her eyes, and for the first time in his life, he felt torn. He wanted to go and comfort her, but instead of going toward her, he headed to the door. “I’ll be back later for my daughter.”

  She nodded, closing the door behind him.

  He had well and truly fucked that up.

  Chapter Eleven

  Raoul slammed his fist against his old lady’s door. He was pissed off, tired, and so angry. When he’d gotten to the clubhouse to have Pike, Mary, and Holly give him the rundown of what happened, he’d wanted to hurt something.

  “It’s not our fault you didn’t tell her, asshole,” Mary said.

  “Why did you keep it a secret? It’s not like it wasn’t known. You made sure the whole club knew.” This came from Holly.

  “Zoe had been a virgin. I didn’t want to spoil our time together. I told her she was my first.”

  A look of understanding had come over the small group.

  It didn’t matter how much they understood. He was still going to have to fight for Zoe.

  Landon opened the apartment. Raoul shoved his way inside and paused when he caught sight of Zoe. She held a pool stick in her hand, and she was glaring at him.

  “What do you want?” she asked.

  “I wanted to talk to you, baby.”

  “Baby? You want to talk to me? I thought you’d just find another excuse to lie to me.”

  Landon brushed past him, picking up his pool stick.

  “You can leave,” Raoul said.

  “This is my fucking apartment. He stays,” Zoe said, snapping a ball into the hole. She stared at him, and Raoul almost recoiled from the pain staring back at him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry about, Raoul? Lying? Getting caught? Not telling me the truth sooner?”

  “All of it. I always intended to tell you the truth. I wasn’t going to keep lying.”

  She slammed the pool stick down on the table. He dodged the ball that she threw at him. “You didn’t have to fucking lie.”

  Another ball threw past his head, smashing into the wall. Landon stepped out of the way.

  “When you asked me, I didn’t want you to think it wasn’t special.”

  “I asked you if I was your first virgin. You could have told me the truth. I wasn’t your first virgin. I was your second. Do you love Holly?”

  “No, I don’t. I’ve never loved her.”

  “Then what was it? If you didn’t want to tell me the truth what was it with Holly?”

  Running fingers through his hair, Raoul felt himself losing her. She was staring at him with fire blazing in her eyes.

  “I never cared what Holly gave me. I was a fucking prick, a piece of shit to her. I fucked her, and went back to the clubhouse. I bragged about banging the Prez’s daughter.” He heard her gasp. “I wasn’t a good man. You think Landon’s a prick? He’s got nothing on me. I got the shit beat out of me by Russ and half the club. I worked so fucking hard to get where I was. I almost lost the club that I loved more than anything. Until a couple of months ago, Holly couldn’t even stand to be near me. She hated me, and I deserved it.”

  “What was I? Did you brag about me? The naive girl you saved.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that. I was in love with you, Zoe. Taking your virginity, it wasn’t about bragging rights to a chick I banged. It was real. I understood then what Holly had given me and what I couldn’t give her back. I didn’t want hers. Being your first, and last, man, that meant more to me than anything. I’ve grown up since I was with Holly.”

  Zoe shook her head. “I can’t do this.”

  “What do you want me to do?” he asked.

  “I don’t want you to do anything. I want you to turn around and get the fuck out of my apartment. I don’t want you here.” She made to turn away from him.

  Closing the distance between them, he slammed his lips on hers, claiming her kiss. At first, Zoe melted against him, and he rejoiced in her body against his. It didn’t last. She started to push and shove him away.

  “Get away from me.” She fought him, but he pushed her up against the wall, trapping her wrists above her head.

  “Raoul?” Landon said.

  “Back the fuck away, Landon. I’m not going to hurt my woman, but you better stay the fuck back.” He’d kill any bastard who tried to interfere with him.

  “Don’t you dare talk to him like that!” Zoe tried to fight her way out of his hold. She wasn’t strong enough compared to him.

  “Stop fighting me.”

  “No!” She screamed the word. “You lied to me.”

  “You’re my old lady, Zoe. You gave yourself to me in the eyes of the club. I’m not going to walk away from you or forget about you.”

  “I don’t want to deal with this shit right now. I don’t want to look at your lying face again.”

  “Landon will stay here with you. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away. I love you, Zoe. My heart, my everything, it all belongs to you.”

  Raoul pressed another kiss to her lips, before moving away. She was panting for breath. The tears she’d kept locked away released, spilling down her cheeks. She rushed into her bedroom, slamming the door closed, cutting him out of her life.

  He took a deep breath, his gut in knots at what had just happened.

  “I don’t care what it takes, you keep her safe. If you need anything, you get in touch with me, do you understand?” Raoul asked.

  “Stay. She’ll listen to you.”

  “I hurt her hard. Think about it, Landon. She was still a virgin at twenty. Zoe’s beautiful, and I lied to her. Take care of her.”

  Raoul left her apartment, driving straight back to the clubhouse. Daisy, Crazy, and Knuckles were all sitting at the bar when he made his way inside.

  “I fucked up,” Crazy said, lifting his finger in the air. “Leanna shot me right down. She already figured out that I wanted her for my kid.”

  Raoul snatched the whiskey out of Crazy’s grip, swigging from the bottle. “Fuck off,” he said to her. “My woman just realized she wasn’t the first virgin I fucked. She won’t let me near her.”

  He took a long swig of whiskey, relishing the burn as the spirit went down his throat. At that moment in time he’d give anything to get rid of the shit going on inside his head. He was breaking apart, and it was all his own fault.

  “Shit, man,” Daisy said.

  “Yeah, she didn’t even hear the truth from me. Mary opened her fucking mouth, not that I can blame her. It’s my fault in the first place.”

  “What are you going to do?” Crazy asked.

  “Wait it out. Give her time.” Raoul took another swig. He was going to get shit-faced tonight. “What about you?”

  “I’ve got to show Leanna another side to me. Her guard is up now, but I’ve still got Strawberry on my side. Did you know Leanna smells like strawberries?” Crazy said, his voice slurred. “I’m not going to leave the club tonight. I’d embarrass myself in front of her.”

  Raoul forced a laugh, checking his cell phone. There were no messages from either Zoe or Landon. He didn’t like this.

  He’d planned to have a party to celebrate their finals for this year. Instead, he was sitting here, nursing a bottle of whiskey.

  Later that night, he took the whiskey to his room, and watched the video of Zoe that was on his phone. He’d fucked up big time, and now all he had as a reminder was this one video on his phone.

  No, he wouldn’t give up on Zoe. He loved her.
She was his old lady. The love of his life. She wasn’t going to get away from him that easily.

  ****

  Three days after forcing Raoul out of her apartment, Zoe got a job at a bar in the center of the city. After finding out, Landon had also gotten a job in the same bar. He was pissed to find out she’d taken a job without consulting him.

  She knew Landon texted Raoul about her work. The job helped her to stop thinking about Raoul. She’d serve in the bar until the early hours of the morning, dropping down in exhaustion at bed at night. When she woke up, refreshed, Zoe got herself a second job in a café during the day.

  Landon was even more pissed off. Her body needed to stop thinking about Raoul. There were times she found herself thinking about him and what had happened. Each time was like a blow to her heart, a physical blow that couldn’t be healed with kind words. It was hard to even allow herself to think about him. She wanted him back, and that hurt. Zoe wanted him to suffer like she was. The instant she thought about him, she was tempted to call him.

  “If you keep this up you’re going to end up in an early grave,” Landon said. He’d not been able to get work at the café, but he spent every day sitting here, reading or watching her.

  “Is the Trojans worth wasting all of your spare time?” Up until the revelation about Raoul and Holly, she’d believed the Trojans were worth anything to be part of.

  You still do.

  Get over this.

  You love him.

  Call him.

  Instead of listening to her head, she kept on listening to her heart.

  “Yes, they are, and if you weren’t determined to not call him, you’d realize they were. Have you spoken to Raoul?” he asked.

  She flinched at the mention of his name. This was part of what she hated, that hearing his name spoken aloud caused her to flinch. It was like another element of armor fighting against her. She weakened a little more after hearing his name. “Please don’t keep talking about him. I don’t want to keep being reminded of him.”

  “You being his old lady is not going to go away, Zoe. He lied in order to protect you. Yes, I understand why you’re hurt, but he loves you. Holly didn’t get to be his old lady. You did.”