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  “Dean, you’re not a kid anymore and you’re a patched-in club member. You do something to bring heat, we’ll deal with it,” Devil said. “That patch has to stay earned. Don’t make me regret bringing you in.” Devil told him Tabby’s address. “That’s where she’s living. I’m guessing you don’t have a key.”

  “That’s right,” Simon said.

  “If she keeps you locked out, come back home. Don’t cause any trouble.” Devil turned on his heel and walked away. Something was going on. Simon didn’t know what but he intended to find out.

  “So the whole patched-in member thing?” Dean asked. “What exactly does he mean?”

  “You’ve got to put the club before your own pettiness. Any kind of shit you wanted to take out on your parents, you’ve got to run it by the club first. They will vote on if it’s good or not. Anything you do with the intention of causing shit, the club will deal with you.” Simon paused on his way out. “As your patched-in member status, surely you know that.”

  “Kiss my ass, Si.”

  “Nah, I know where it has been.”

  He left the clubhouse and made his way out to find Dick once again meditating on a patch of cold earth, beneath the stars. His wife wasn’t with him, which was odd as she normally joined him at the clubhouse. She was probably home.

  “What are you staring at, boy?” Dick asked. One of his eyes was open, looking right at him.

  “Nothing. I wanted to say thank you.”

  “You don’t need to.”

  “Why do you do this?” Simon asked, coming to stand in front of him. “You weren’t the kind of guy to meditate nor do yoga.”

  “I also wasn’t the kind of guy to be counted on. I lived with my head in a drug-infused state. I got clean for the club and for my woman, and I will remain that way.” He lifted his hands up in a circle, drawing them together and bringing them down to his chest. “I do this as it gives me peace. It allows me to think of everything I’ve got in the world. I remind myself multiple times a day, every single day, and I will never fall back.”

  “Why did you do this for Tabby?”

  “She needed time. Her head was filled with darkness. I know what that’s like. I’ve had my share of darkness. Most of it brought on by myself by being the biggest dick alive. She didn’t deserve the pain. I didn’t know if it would work, but she smiled. I helped to bring her peace.” Dick released a final breath. “You’ve got a good woman there, strong. Don’t screw it up.”

  “I’ve got a lot of people telling me not to screw it up.”

  “Good. I also wanted to warn you, a few of The Skulls are dropping by. That’s the only heads up you’re getting from me.”

  “Is trouble coming?”

  “You tell me, Simon,” Dick said. “You will be the judge of what’s to come and what is not.” Dick got to his feet. “Now I’m ready to fuck. Excuse me.”

  Simon stood still.

  Dick, out of everyone was … an asshole.

  Shaking his head, he turned to his van and climbed on inside. He’d need to get his bike down at the clubhouse soon.

  Driving out of the gate, he took off to where Tabby lived. The streets all blurred as he focused on his woman.

  There was a small parking lot to the side of the large apartment block.

  After locking his door, he made his way over to the unit, trying the door.

  “Fuck!”

  It was late and he’d hoped to avoid arguing with Tabby. She might not let him up, especially with Dean meddling. People needed to learn to stay out of their business. He and Tabby would work their stuff out, one day.

  Pressing her name, he waited.

  “Hello,” she said, sounding tired.

  “Tabby, it’s me.”

  “Devil didn’t give you the code?”

  “No, no code.”

  She let out a chuckle. “What’s the magic word?”

  “Really?”

  “Come on, it’s fun.”

  He glanced around at the night. “Fine, unicorn.”

  “Ugh, you’re an ass.”

  The door buzzed and he smiled. Letting himself inside, he went to the stairs and walked up to the floor he needed.

  Tabby was already at the door. The bolt slid into place. “That wasn’t funny.”

  “You always think of the exact same kind of magic word. You need to become more original.”

  “Fine, magic words?”

  “You’re an ass.”

  He raised his brow, hand on hip, waiting.

  “I will let you in but I was thinking you were a fucking ass.”

  He chuckled. “And here I was thinking you’d be playing it safe because of Nathan.”

  “He’s in bed. He didn’t want to go to sleep.” Tabby stepped away from the door. She wore a large nightshirt with, of all things, a unicorn on the front.

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong. He wanted to see you before he went to sleep. He’s been talking about you all day.”

  His stomach growled and Tabby chuckled.

  “Do you want some food?”

  “Yeah, I’m starving.”

  “Didn’t they let you eat?”

  “No, I ate, but try cleaning a toilet that has over ten men pissing and shitting on it.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Nah, I’ll just stick with the nasty visual.”

  “If I was you, I would.” He rubbed his hands down his thighs. “I’m going to take a shower. Do you think I can go and see him when I’m done?”

  “Sure. Of course. I’ll cook you something.” She made to walk past him but he captured her. “Ew, please tell me you washed your hands.”

  “Scrubbed them.” He dropped his lips down to hers and after a few seconds, she slowly melted against him. “See, we can do this.”

  “Go and shower. I’ll feed you.” She walked away and he watched her leave. Her ass was a nice distraction.

  He found the bathroom, stripped out of his clothes, took the quickest shower known to man, and then wrapped a towel around his waist. He didn’t have any clothes, so he had no choice but to wrap himself in her bathrobe before going to see his son.

  The first bedroom was Tabby’s, and he smiled looking at it.

  The scent of her filled the room. Rather than stay in her room, he went to the next one and found a small light on and Nathan curled up. He had his thumb in his mouth. A book was on the floor beside the bed.

  He walked into the room, being quiet as he lifted the book up from the floor.

  “Daddy?” Nathan asked.

  He peered over the book and saw Nathan rubbing at his eyes.

  “I’m here.” He knelt on the floor, holding his son’s hand. “I’m here. You don’t have to worry.” He smiled at him.

  “I … I thought you’d left again. Mommy said you’d come back.”

  “Of course. I’m back. I just had work.”

  “Club stuff?”

  “Yeah, club stuff.”

  “Grandpa Tiny always said club stuff is important and when I hear it, I have to stop listening. I shouldn’t be listening.”

  “That’s okay. Grandpa Tiny is kind of stuffy and weird. You don’t have to stop listening, what you’ve got to do is keep it a secret.”

  Nathan nodded. “Mommy said that. She said no one is to know club stuff. It’s not important for them to know.”

  “Mommy’s right.”

  “She says that too. She’s right all the time.”

  He chuckled. “Yep, and we as her boys have to learn to listen. Do you think you can go to sleep?”

  Nathan nodded.

  “Great.”

  “I love you, Daddy,” Nathan said as he pulled up the blanket, settling it around him, getting him comfortable.

  He paused and waited. “I love you too.” He leaned down, kissing his head. “Hey, Nathan, does your mom ever sing to you?” He didn’t know why it had just entered his head, but Tabby hadn’t sung since he’d taken her or been in her life, not like
when they were kids.

  “No, Mommy doesn’t sing. Night.”

  “Night.”

  Nathan was back to sleep even before he left the room. Watching him for a few seconds, he smiled.

  This kid was so damn smart and sweet. His woman had done a good job with him.

  Stepping out of the room, he saw Tabby in the hallway. Tears were in her eyes and she tilted her head to the side, looking at him. She opened her mouth, closed it.

  “Thank you,” she said, mouthing the words.

  He closed the distance between them, cupping her cheek. “What can I do to make this better?”

  “There’s nothing. I’m not sad or angry. I’m happy. I heard him. I heard you. You love him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even if there’s a chance—”

  He silenced her with a kiss. “I don’t give a flying fuck what any piece of paper says. He’s my son. He’s part of you and I love you. He’s a good kid.”

  She pressed her lips together but gave a nod. “Thank you.”

  “I mean it, but I’ve got to ask something, Tabby.”

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Why don’t you sing?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When we were kids, you used to sing, Nathan hasn’t even heard you sing.”

  “Simon, really?”

  “Yeah, really.”

  She looked past his shoulder and released a breath. “I guess I just don’t want to and don’t have a single reason to.” She shrugged and it broke his heart to know he’d affected her so badly.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tabitha made Simon sleep all night on the sofa. It wasn’t like it was a bad sofa. Devil and Lexie had fully furnished the house with all the nice things money could buy. There were no complaints from her.

  Holding her jacket together, she watched Nathan as he got higher and higher on the swing. There was a time he had a fear of heights but little by little, he’d slowly learned to conquer it in order to find fun.

  It was so damn cold, but she’d promised him a trip to the park if he finished all his homework. He was settling in so much better than she thought he would. She hated that a little part of her had hoped he wouldn’t so she’d have some excuse to move. Not that living in Piston County was a bad thing.

  Chaos Bleeds had cleaned the place up and it was actually a pretty decent place to live. A good environment to have kids, raise a family. All of it.

  “Uncle Miles!! Nathan suddenly screamed.

  He came down the slide and ran to the park gates. She turned to see Miles and Daisy there, watching.

  She smiled. “How long have you two been here?”

  “Long enough to know you need to get inside. You’re freezing your ass off. Me and the little guy, we’re going to go and grab a decent pizza. How about it?” Miles asked.

  “You don’t have to do that. I can cook. I do know how.”

  “I know, but my treat. I want to spoil you guys.”

  Daisy held her hands open, and together, they met in the middle, hugging tightly. “Come on, let’s get out of here. It’s so cold. What are you doing hanging out in a park?”

  Tabitha laughed. Holding her friend’s hand, they walked toward the apartment building. Typing in her code, she let them in, and they went up to her apartment.

  As she removed her jacket, she was pleased she left the heating on to keep the place warm while she’d been out. She would’ve been screwed otherwise.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “In the flesh. I know it’s going to be a hard time for you. With everything going on, I didn’t want to give you a choice.”

  Tabitha went to the kitchen, filled up the kettle, and put it on top of the stove. “You want a coffee?”

  “Yeah, love one. Miles will probably bring back beers. I’m the driver for tonight,” she said.

  “Who else has come?” Tabitha asked.

  “Me, Miles, Anthony as well, but he’s back at the clubhouse. Lash, Tiny, Eva. She’s with Lexie. She wanted to come but I told her I’d let you know we’re here first. They’re trying to organize something for Thanksgiving but with Simon back, I think they’re just pretending to be too busy so you can stay home.”

  “Oh.” Thanksgiving was one of those subjects she tried not to think about. Staring at her friend right now, she knew she’d have to make a decision eventually.

  “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

  “Believe me, you don’t do anything to make me sad. Just … I can’t come home.”

  “You still see it as home?” Daisy asked.

  “It is home.” She turned her back on her friend, pulling down two mugs and adding in some espresso. She needed something to do right now. Everything felt messed up.

  “It’s not your home, Tabs. Unless you want to come home.”

  She paused. “Do you want sugar?”

  “No thanks.”

  The kettle had finished and she made their drinks. “Let’s have a comfortable seat.” She carried them through to the sitting room. Putting out two coasters, she placed them on top, being delicate. Inside her head, she was screaming. Ignoring the drive to let loose, she sat down and finally turned toward her friend.

  “You’re pissed?”

  “I’m not. Honestly. You’re right. Fort Wills, I need to stop seeing it as my home. It’s just hard, you know. I’ve got a lot … there are so many memories there.”

  “I miss you,” Daisy said. “We all do.”

  “I guess it’s not the same here at the moment. Simon’s living here, I think. He stayed the night on the sofa. He’s good with Nathan.” She told Daisy what he said about her son.

  “You know, I’ve always found Simon a pain in the ass, but I can’t help but love him a little bit.”

  She giggled. “I know. I … everything is so messed up. I don’t know what to say or do half the time. He’s a great guy. I know he is, but we have that history.”

  Daisy took her hand. “What you need to do is stop thinking about your history. Or if you do, put it back into a context.” She held her arms open. “This here is the span of your and Simon’s life together. From the first moment you met, ’til now.” She pointed between her hands, circling them, showing how much life they had together. Then she circled a large chunk of invisible air. “This here, this is the section pre-Ryan. He didn’t matter. You and Simon, together, forever. Remember? You were always supposed to be together and whenever anyone asked, you’d always say you were going to be together forever. Kind of creepy, but even I remember you guys constantly talking about your future together. Even when we were kids.”

  Tabitha smiled.

  “Now this section. This is the C-Ryan section.”

  “C-Ryan?”

  “Yeah, current Ryan section.” Daisy moved her finger to a point. “This is where it all started. What he did and the decision Simon took into his own hands. It’s all relevant. The only problem is when this should be the post-Ryan era, it keeps on coming back. You’ve either got to forgive him or make a decision to move on.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Fuck, I hate this. I hate crying.”

  “I made you cry?”

  “Yes.”

  “I feel like this is a big deal for me. I made you cry. You, the queen of no emotions.”

  “Wow, you’re such a bitch. I cry. A lot actually, and it pisses me off.” She moved quickly to the bathroom, grabbing some tissue.

  Daisy followed her. “I’m not saying your feelings aren’t relevant here or that you have to forgive him or move on. What I’m saying is, you’ve got a whole lot of time together to just throw it all away. I get that you’re hurting and as your best friend, I’m on your side.”

  “But you’re not going to tell me how I should pick this.”

  Daisy hugged her tightly to her. “I’m not the one who’s going to be with him for the next fifty-plus years, or alone. I don’t want to see you alone. You’ll never be with anyone else. It’s not i
n your nature. If it had been, you would’ve been dating a lot sooner. You’re not.” Daisy ran her fingers through her hair.

  “We’re back,” Miles said, calling out to be heard.

  “I’ll go and take care of them. You compose yourself, okay?”

  “Thank you.” She hugged Daisy close. “I love you so much.”

  “You’re becoming soft. I remember a time you were so hard.” Daisy chuckled. “You’ve got this. I have no doubt.”

  Daisy left the bathroom. Wiping at her eyes, she turned toward the mirror. Her face was a little flushed and her eyes were red. She needed to get a grip on her emotions. It wasn’t good for Nathan to see her so miserable.

  She wanted him to be happy.

  Why were The Skulls in town? Was it to discuss family matters or something more important? She wasn’t sure what was going on, nor did she know if she wanted to. For so long, she’d cut herself off from the club and being part of their world.

  Splashing some water onto her face, she joined them at the table. Nathan and Miles were talking about their adventure to get pizza. She laughed, thankful no one pointed at her swollen eyes. After a short time, she just enjoyed her friends and her crazy brother.

  Time ticked on by and Nathan yawned, letting her know she had to put him to bed. She waited as he had a bath and she picked out his pajamas.

  Once he was dressed, she tucked him into bed, kissed his head, and went to join Daisy and Miles.

  Their conversation stopped the moment she was inside.

  “Okay, now that makes me nervous,” she said. They were doing the few dishes they’d made while eating the pizza. The box was nowhere in sight so they must have taken it down to the trash.

  “It’s nothing,” Daisy said.

  “I’m not stupid.”

  “We never said you were.” Miles finished washing his hands on the towel and turned toward her.

  “What’s going on? You guys are here and it’s nearly ten. I know Simon has all of his prospecting duties, but I know there are five more guys who have taken the patch as well. Something is going on. Out with it.”

  Miles and Daisy looked at one another.

  “Look, I can kick your asses, do you understand? Out with it.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” Miles said.