... and Forever Read online

  “I’m not on a tight leash.”

  “We do what we want,” Lash said. “You think we let a couple of billionaires dictate to us what we do and won’t do? Fort Wills is my fucking turf. You want to bring on a war, go right ahead. I’m ready. It has been a long time, but you see, I’m still standing. As is my club. We’ve had no end of fucking shit come knocking at our door. We’re still here. Our enemies, their bones are in the dirt, fertilizing the ground. Think about it.”

  She pushed some hair out of her eyes. “You’ve underestimated us for the last time.”

  “If your boy is a Monster, his rightful place is here!” Luke’s father said.

  Tabitha shook her head. “No, he’s with me. You forfeited any right to him when you threatened my family. I’m not some little girl to be pushed aside or bullied. I’m a fucking queen, and I will protect my family. So what’s it to be? Will you be burying a son today?”

  ****

  “I can’t stand this.” Simon paced the length of the apartment. Miles and Daisy were eating popcorn while Anthony took one of the chairs. They all watched him. Nathan was still in bed. He’d only gotten up to go to the bathroom.

  The time ticked on by and no one reached out to him.

  No phone call.

  Just a never-ending darkness he couldn’t stand. He hated being kept in the dark but what he hated more was that it was his woman who was once again out there for him. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked toward the door.

  “You can’t go,” Daisy said.

  “Patience, man,” Miles said.

  “Screw fucking patience. I’m done waiting. I’m done with all this shit.” He didn’t move toward the door. “I’m not afraid of them.”

  “Never said you were,” Anthony said. “You’ve got to let her do what she needs to do.”

  “Tabby’s been on her own for far too long.”

  “Hey,” Daisy said, frowning. “She hasn’t been on her own, okay? She’s always had us.” She pointed at each of them. “It’s tough for her to ask for help. We’ve always been there for her.”

  “Just sit your ass down. If you were worried, you wouldn’t have left her,” Miles said

  Simon was on the verge of sitting down, but now he was up and ready to fight. “What the fuck did you say?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Come on then if you think you’ve got a shot at me.” He was ready to fight.

  “Enough!” Daisy growled the word. “Seriously. We’re in her apartment. Nathan’s asleep. This isn’t about the two of you or what you guys think. This is about Tabitha. What is wrong with you guys?” She threw the bag of popcorn at Miles and stood. “Stop making this about you. Can’t you see what a big deal this is?”

  Simon stared at her as Daisy glanced at each of them in turn. “I’m surrounded by assholes.”

  “This is the first time Tabitha has entered Monster Dog territory,” Anthony said, speaking up. “They’ve always had to come onto our turf. If she’s going to them now, it shows how far she has come.”

  “Exactly.” Daisy licked her lips. “We all know what happened. None of us have talked about it. Tabs has handled it in her own way. Always. It’s what she does. She’s never opened up to me, Miles, or Anthony. It’s just been what happened. You know?” She blew out a breath. “This is a big fucking deal and I don’t want to screw it up. Not for her. Not for us. Not for anyone. This is big.”

  She ran fingers through her hair. “I need to use the bathroom.” Daisy walked away. Simon stared at the spot where she’d stood.

  Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes, rubbing at his temples.

  “Sorry,” Miles said. “I shouldn’t have said the shit I did.”

  “You’re right. I left and now look at me. I sleep on the sofa. I’ve got a kid that I don’t know. All of this is messed up. What’s more, my friend made patched member before me. How is that crap even right?”

  They all chuckled.

  “I never thought it would go this way, I didn’t.” He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry for putting you through all this shit.”

  “I care about Tabs,” Miles said. “She hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone. It’s like she was a shell of who she was. Her backbone bent. She was sad. Broken even. I don’t think it was all because of what happened.”

  “We all know she was mourning his loss,” Anthony said. “None of us could do anything to help her.”

  “I can’t believe you never told me about her having a kid.”

  “It’s not something you needed to hear and I’m not going over this ground with you again. You know what happened. I don’t want to argue with you anymore,” Anthony said.

  They were all silent.

  “Do you know?” Simon asked. Anthony had leaned back and closed his eyes. He reached out and kicked him, making him look at him.

  “Do I know what?”

  “Whose Nathan is?”

  Miles sat up.

  Anthony nodded.

  “Whose is he?”

  Anthony frowned at him. “Does it matter? You’ve claimed him as yours.”

  “I know but … I…”

  “He’s yours,” Anthony said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  Simon took a deep breath. “It wouldn’t matter. I mean, of course, it wouldn’t. He’s innocent.”

  “And Tabby loves him,” Miles said. “It’s all that counts.”

  Simon agreed and leaned back. It had been a long night and there was no sign of Tabby returning soon. He wasn’t going to go to bed though.

  He was way too wired for that.

  ****

  The following morning, Daisy was the first one to wake up. They’d all camped out in the sitting room. She checked her phone to see if there was any news from Tabitha. No messages or missed calls. Nathan got out of bed and she got him to get dressed and to play in his room while she set up breakfast.

  Opening the cupboards, she smiled when she saw Tabitha’s writing on a jug marking pancake batter.

  She’d slept over a couple of times when Nathan was first born, and Tabitha had a craving for pancakes. Daisy had been doing all the cooking so she hadn’t labeled anything.

  Tabitha had thought the mixture in the jug at the time had been custard. She’d already taken a mouthful before she could warn her. She’d been violently sick, and since that day, Tabitha labeled everything.

  Turning a couple of plain jars, she saw leftover tomatoes and even some tofu. All neatly packaged and labeled. Tabitha had changed a great deal over the years. The disorganized girl she remembered from high school was no longer there. Tabitha was a mom.

  “You’ve been staring into that fridge for a long time.” Anthony put his hands on her hips and she stood up.

  He pressed his lips against her neck and she couldn’t help but sink against him. His arms went around her, holding her close. She’d gladly stay in his embrace for the rest of her life.

  “I’m just remembering the good old days.”

  “Lash called. They’re on their way back.”

  “Do you know how it went?” she asked, grabbing some butter to help make pancakes. She went hunting in cupboards for more flour to make more batter. What was leftover wouldn’t feed all of them.

  “They’re alive. That’s all I know.”

  “Do you think they could start a war?”

  “It’s club, Daisy. Anything could happen.”

  “Chaos Bleeds are far away. It would draw us into it.”

  “There’s nothing we can’t handle. I hope you know that.”

  “I do.” She put the ingredients on the board and moved toward the entrance to the kitchen, looking into the sitting room. Simon was still fast asleep. “You lied to him last night.”

  “So.”

  “We know whose Nathan is.”

  Anthony rubbed the back of his head.

  “Don’t you think he has a right to know?” Daisy asked.

  “Why?” Anthony asked. “To know
that his kid is a rapist’s? That Tabitha carried him to term on the fifty-fifty chance he could be Simon’s? Does it matter?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Lexie took care of him, and he wasn’t hers.”

  “That’s different. Lexie is an aunt.”

  “And Nathan is an innocent kid who has a chance to have a good life.” Anthony frowned at her. “This world is fucking shit, Daisy. We know what it’s like. It’s filled with guys like Ryan who turn into men. They hurt people and they continue to do so. No one stops them. Women are sold and pawned like cattle. Kids are hurt. So are animals. Nothing good would come out of telling him the truth. Not now. Not when he can walk away.”

  “You think he would?”

  Anthony moved toward her. She didn’t back away. “Would you be able to look at the evidence of what happened to your woman? How you failed? How she was hurt every single day? Simon and Tabitha are strong. They could overcome this. But what if they can’t? What if he learns the truth and walks away? She’s been through a lot. I’m not going to put her through anything more. She’s our friend. I’m taking care of her.”

  “And what if the truth comes out one day? It did with Simon.”

  “If the truth comes out, then he would have had a chance to influence Nathan. He’d have the opportunity to love him without that dark stain. Give them that. Besides, only a few of us know the truth. There is no physical evidence lying around. Just human word unless he demanded another test.”

  “I wouldn’t tell. Ever.”

  Anthony put his hands on her neck, his fingers dancing across her pulse. “I know.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tabitha climbed out of the car at the Chaos Bleeds clubhouse. She and Devil had made a stop, along with Lash and Tiny, for a quick nap. Exhaustion hit her hard. All she wanted to do was go and collapse on a bed.

  “Mommy,” Nathan said, running to her. She picked him up, spinning him around. Simon was there, as were Anthony, Miles, and Daisy. She held her son tightly and he wriggled out. “Grandpa Tiny!” He giggled as he threw himself at her dad.

  She tucked some hair behind her ear.

  “Hello, my little bug,” he said. “Have you been strong?”

  “Yes, I have.” Nathan lifted his arm and flexed. She smiled, watching them, aware of Simon’s gaze on her. She’d feel him anywhere. “Can you take me to the park?”

  “Not today, scamp. I’ve got to head back.”

  Nathan groaned and pouted. One day that wouldn’t be so cute.

  “But you just got here.”

  “I know. How about Thanksgiving? You come back home and we can spend the entire day at the park?” Tiny asked.

  “Actually,” Tabitha said. “We’re not going to Fort Wills for Thanksgiving.”

  “Tabs?” Tiny said.

  “I know, Dad, another time.”

  “Nothing bad is going to happen.”

  “I know. I do know that, but I’m not…” She looked toward Simon, the Chaos Bleeds crew. “This is my home now. It’s time I become part of it. Simon’s back and we’re going to be here, with his family.”

  “Tabby,” Simon said, but she held up her hand.

  She’d already come to a decision. For a long time, she’d been holding on to the illusion that Fort Wills was her home, and in a way, it would always be. It was the home she grew up in, but she wasn’t a child nor was she a teenager anymore. The time for looking back had long passed.

  She was a full-grown woman and it was time for her to make her own choices, and that wasn’t about going back. It was time to move forward. “Maybe next year,” she said.

  Nathan wriggled out of his arms and she moved to stand beside Simon. He wrapped his arm around her.

  Silence met her decision.

  Lash clapped his hands. “Devil, we’ve got to talk, but right now I’m thinking we should do that tomorrow. See how the lay of the land is.”

  Devil and Lash shook hands. “Thank you,” Devil said.

  “No.” Lash turned toward Tabitha. “Thank you. You … you put it back into perspective for me. I won’t let anything cloud my judgment again.”

  She leaned against Simon, wanting more than anything to go to sleep.

  Daisy came to her, hugging her close. “I’m going to miss you. Call me.”

  “I will.”

  She hugged Anthony and kissed Miles’s cheek.

  Finally, her dad. She walked toward him and hugged him. Her mom was there with tears in her eyes.

  “I don’t like leaving you here,” Tiny said.

  “You’re not leaving me. We’re saying goodbye until the next visit.” She pulled away. “I’m not going to cry.” She swiped at her cheeks. “I’ve spent way too much time crying. I’m determined to stop it. It’s a bad habit I want out of.”

  “We’re a phone call away,” Eva said. “All you’ve got to do is pick up the phone.”

  “I will, Mom. I promise.” She held her mom tightly.

  Stepping back, she went to Simon. Sleep was what she needed right now.

  She waved at them, watching them disappear out of town. Rather than be sad and alone, she knew it was the right decision. Fort Wills was the past.

  “You look dead to the world and I know that feeling,” Lexie said. “Come on, sport.” She held out her hand to Nathan. “He and I can have some fun.”

  Tabitha chuckled. “It’s fine. Really.”

  “Tabitha, you’re with family. Go and relax. Simon, take her to your room.”

  Simon lifted her up in his arms and she let out a little squeal. “I can walk.”

  “I’ve been given orders from my mom. I’m not going to let her think I’m disobeying her.”

  “Really?” she asked. “You’re going to do as you’re told?”

  “I’ve been naughty for too long. I’ve got to do something right.” He carried her through the clubhouse. No one stopped them. She was glad.

  She no longer had the energy to fight. Between the main club room and Simon’s bedroom, she must have dozed off because the next thing she remembered was Simon taking off her shoes.

  “Should you be undressing an unconscious woman?” she asked.

  “Only to make her more comfortable. Do you feel better?”

  “I’m sleepy. Really sleepy. I could close my eyes and not open them for a week. It’s a long drive to Fort Wills.” She opened her eyes as his fingers went to the button of her jeans.

  “You can’t sleep in them, and they’ll be uncomfortable.”

  “I think you’re trying to get me naked.”

  “You know me, Tabby. I don’t need to try to get you naked. I could just ask.”

  “True.”

  He slid her jeans down and she turned on her side, snuggling against the bed. His pillow was so soft.

  She heard him remove his leather cut, kick his boots off, and finally lower his own jeans.

  He joined her on the bed and she opened her eyes. All she wanted to do was sleep, but having him so close, she put her hand to his cheek.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” he said. “How was it?”

  “Let’s not talk about it.”

  “You can cut everyone else out, and play the big girl with them, but not with me. I deserve more than that. I’m your man, Tabitha. Don’t push me away.”

  She ran her thumb across his bottom lip. “You called me Tabitha.”

  He pushed some of her hair off her face, cupping her cheek. “Yes, I did. I’m here for you. I’m not going to go off the loose end. I’m fine. I’m here for you. I will always be here for you.”

  “But what if you go away again?”

  “Not happening. You saw me wear the patch. I’m here. I’m going to stay. I love you more than anything else in the world. I will never be far from you.”

  She smiled as tears filled her eyes. “Damn it. I’m sick of crying.”

  He stayed still as she wiped at her tears.

  Licking her suddenly dry lips, she leaned in close and ki
ssed him. “I hated it,” she said, closing her eyes and whispering the words. “I didn’t want to be there and the moment I saw it, I wanted to run.”

  “You didn’t have to stay.”

  “I did.” She pulled back, opening her eyes. “They won. They got that stupid, messed-up agreement. I hate that they got that. They had no right. An eye for an eye. They took and took. Not anymore. They won’t take another thing from me. I don’t know what they wanted, but they’re not getting you or Nathan. I had to put them in their place.”

  “And how did that feel?”

  “It was scary. So scary. While I was there, it was like I stepped back in time. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt weak and I don’t know, something clicked inside my head, and I realized I didn’t need to feel this way. I’ve done nothing wrong. They did. They raised a bastard rapist. That’s not on me. I wasn’t going to allow them to blame you.” She slid her hand down, going toward his heart. “They threw the first stone. You threw it back, and it should have been finished then. Not five years later. I’m sorry, Simon.”

  “No, you don’t have to say sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry. I … I should have done things differently. I’ve lost five years. I’m not going to lose any more. I know tomorrow we’re going to be doing this dance until you trust me again, but one day soon, you’re going to trust me. I’m going to earn back everything that was taken from us.” He kissed her lips. “I’m your man. One day, you’ll see it.”

  “I already do.” She closed her eyes. “Simon, I’m sleepy.”

  “Then sleep.”

  “Please, don’t leave.”

  “Never.”

  “Be here when I wake up.”

  “Always.”

  “And, Simon?” she said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Even when I want to kill you, please love me.”

  He chuckled. “No doubt about it, I will belong to you. We’re meant to be together.” His lips pressed against her head and she sighed. Finally relaxing, she heard him breathing, and she rested next to him, sleep slowly claiming her.

  ****

  Simon didn’t want to move nor make a sound. Tabby had been out for the count all night. At first, he watched the clock, seeing the time going by slowly. There was nowhere else he needed to be other than in this bed, holding his woman. Running his hand up and down her back, soothing her if her dreams seemed to get a little dark.