Ryan's Christmas Miracle Read online

  “Jemma?” Hearing her name and sensing how close he was made her tense up. Her nipples budded painfully against the sports bra she wore. His husky voice tempted her to turn around.

  “I can’t,” she whispered instead.

  Fear over the feelings consuming her, she waited for him to turn away and leave.

  When he left her forehead would be connecting with that cupboard. Someone or something needed to smack some sense into her.

  “I can’t wait any longer.”

  His words didn’t register straight away. Nothing registered but the pressure as his hand moved to grasp her elbow, swinging her around. Ryan trapped her against the sink, before she could protest his mouth smashed down on hers, taking her lips in a full kiss.

  Tense to begin with as everything processed through her mind, in no time at all her arms circled his neck, holding him as she moved her lips against his. There was nothing soft or loving about this kiss. Rough, raw, lusting desire, they tore at each other, bumping teeth and biting lips. She felt his hands move to the back of her head and pull at the bobble which tied her hair up. He yanked the offending restriction aside and sank his fingers into her hair. Jemma moaned as the contact seemed to bring her closer to him.

  Opening her lips, his tongue thrust forward, filling her mouth with the delicious taste of him. The subtle hint of beer and food couldn’t mask his natural taste. Pressing as much of her body as she could against him, there was no denying the ridge of his hard cock resting against her stomach.

  “More,” he growled against her lips.

  He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he held her.

  Her cunt—even covered by her tracksuit bottoms and the fabric of his jeans—welcomed the hard cock. She cried out as Ryan put her down, resting her on the edge of the sink. His lips traveled down her neck as his hands now free searched for the hem of her shirt.

  Jemma pulled his shirt out of his jeans exposing those muscles, her nails scored the skin. He hissed as he tore the stained shirt over her head, pulling her breasts out of her bra, no time to undo the hook. She stifled a scream as his teeth bit down on her swollen nipples.

  “Oh my God.”

  He leaned away to pull his own shirt off, and then he was on her again, loving her breasts with his mouth. The stubble of a day’s growth running over her sensitive skin was driving her crazy. Jemma cupped his head as his lips nipped and nibbled her flesh.

  Her cunt was dripping with cream.

  A scream from Megan ruined the moment. Ryan let go of Jemma so sudden she ended up in the sink with a wet butt. Yelping, she jumped from the hot water. Unprepared for her weight, Ryan caught her, but then both fell to the floor in a heap.

  Naked from the waist up, wet and flushed they stared at each other. His hands rested on her back.

  “Are you all right?”

  Her heart contracted as it suddenly dawned on her how he was always concerned for her safety.

  “Yes,” she replied, breathless but totally fine.

  Megan screamed again.

  “I’d better go...” Jemma pointed to the ceiling.

  Ryan nodded. “It okay if I stay on the couch?”

  “Yes.”

  They parted after Ryan helped her to her feet. Jemma tucked her hair behind her ear as he offered her his shirt, his face averted from her nakedness.

  Jemma dressed and without another word made her way up the stairs to her child who at least still needed her for something.

  Chapter Two

  The following morning had Ryan on tender hooks. Jemma acted as if nothing had happened the night before between them. As if he hadn’t felt her passion, her heat even, through his jeans. He wanted her so much his control slipped, it was the only way to describe what took place last night. Seeing the way she’d walked over to the sink, the dejection, the slump of her shoulders spoke volumes to him.

  Not being able to control his reaction, after keeping it in check for well over five years, he couldn’t help the wave of lust that had taken over him. Who could control the desire to show the woman they loved how much they wanted them?

  Grasping her elbow had been the final straw. Holding her, even for a small time, had been precious. He wanted more than to wait around for her.

  His hard won control cracked and before he knew what was happening, Jemma was in his arms and he was dying of love and pleasure.

  He sat and waited for her to get back from dropping Billy off at school, Megan at the local pre-school and Sean off at Simon’s parents. They still played a huge part in all of their lives. In fact it had been Mr. and Mrs. Stein who had suggested he take his feelings for Jemma to the next level. “We may be old, son, but we’re not stupid. How do you think Simon was conceived?” the two had said to him. They must be the only forgiving parents he’d ever come across.

  He stood up, stretched, pulled his jeans on, but didn’t do the buckle up. He folded the spare bedding, grabbed the coffee she’d left on the table and stood looking out the front room window. It wouldn’t be long until snow covered the ground and going out in the car would be useless. He checked his watch and waited. Today they had food shopping as well as the last toys to collect, they’d agreed sometime ago to wait until today and that way they could go together. Ryan saw her coming up the driveway, her blonde hair escaping her hat.

  She came in shaking from the cold. Ryan winced as it drifted over his naked torso. So much for tempting her with his half naked body, he was bloody freezing.

  “Brr, won’t be long now and we won’t be able to get out,” Jemma said as she walked into the living room. Ryan pulled a shirt over his cold skin.

  His ego got a boost as her eyes wandered over his exposed chest. As his shirt settled in place, he couldn’t help but inhale her sweet scent. She hadn’t washed it yet.

  “See something you like?” he asked, stretching, showing his body off as much as possible.

  He saw her swallow and drag her eyes up the length of his body. His shaft pulsed and he was relieved he’d left his jeans unbuttoned otherwise he’d be in pain now.

  “Do you want another coffee before we go?” she asked.

  Ryan shrugged going toward the bathroom.

  How could he move to the next level with Jemma? To show her he wanted everything? This was impossible. The love of his life and the family he adored more than anything was waiting for him and he was too scared of rejection to move forward.

  He used the shower and the reserved toothbrush to freshen up, and then removed his stubble with a fresh razor. Afterward, he stared at his reflection trying to find some sort of miracle or at least a clue that would give him the answer to his heart.

  In truth, he wanted to talk to his best friend. Shaking his head against the uselessness of everything, he went out to join her. She sat at the table looking worried.

  “Why do I feel a drama coming on?” Ryan took the seat opposite her and waited.

  For the longest time, she just sat and stared at him.

  “I don’t want anything to change,” she began.

  Ryan stopped her, taking the coffee cup out of her hands and going to his knees in front of her. Placing his hands on her thighs, he opened them so he could move between. He took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him.

  “Look at me,” he demanded. Now was a better time than any.

  “Don’t do this Ryan,” she pleaded.

  How could he not? Their time together was running out, this was their moment, the time for feelings to come to the surface.

  “I have to Jemma.” He laid a gentle kiss to her mouth. “I love you,” he whispered the words against her lips and heard her gasp. The release of those magical words made his heart lighter. For years he’d kept his feelings under wraps never wanting to cause waves. He loved Simon like a brother, he’d seen Jemma first. But he would never do anything to destroy their love or their family.

  He knew in his heart of hearts Simon would want her to be with him. If anyone loved he
r as much as Simon had it would be Ryan.

  “Don’t do this.” Her hands went to his cupping her face while tears fell from her eyes.

  “I love you and I don’t want us to go back to what we were before Simon died. I want you Jemma, always have and always will,” he promised. There would be no other woman but the one who sat before him.

  “Simon was your best friend, my husband...” she began to argue.

  “We both loved you and Simon would want you to be happy. To be loved,” he spoke the truth. He knew Simon would want her to live, to stop mourning him.

  “Can we just go shopping please?”

  Ryan saw her tense up and withdraw from him. He sighed.

  Whenever Simon was mentioned, she pulled away from him. He understood her pain but she didn’t need to feel guilty over moving on.

  He removed his hands and nodded, there was no point continuing this conversation.

  “Yes, let’s go Christmas shopping.”

  * * * *

  The week went by in a blur, so much to do between gathering the last of the presents and the food shopping. She had the turkey on order which she’d done months in advance, so that was a weight off her mind. Billy had a Christmas play in which he had the part of one of the three wise men. Ryan came with her while Simon’s parents watched Megan and Sean. She tried to make sure she was never alone with Ryan after his confession. It didn’t help that Simon’s parents were hell-bent on getting them together. Billy had been so happy to have Ryan there he’d cried out in happiness as they were collecting their children, running to him, so he could scoop him up in his arms.

  Jemma had watched the scene with a fuzzy feeling in her stomach. Her children still needed and craved the attention of a father. Ryan was with them all the time and so all the fatherly duties were going to him. Megan refused to be tucked in at night by anyone else besides Ryan. He’d been at Sean’s birth and she knew her baby would see him as a father.

  At night she lay in her bed, knowing he was laying downstairs on the couch, wondering why he wasn’t somewhere else. Did he even have his own home? He seemed to spend all of his spare time with them.

  When Friday came, Billy and Megan were bursting at the seams ready to do the decorations.

  Ryan made a manly display of getting all the lights out and leaving some on the front lawn, which was now covered in snow. He’d also brought home a tree placed in a bucket with soil and compacted the thing so it would stick straight up.

  Jemma baked cookies and mince pies with Sean while Megan and Bill helped Ryan put the fairy lights outside, decorating the whole outside of the house. Christmas music drifted through each room on the stereo. Fantastic holiday cheer filled the house.

  They were like a proper family. The house sparkled and shined. When all three came in from their hard work, she had hot chocolate ready.

  Once all the work was done, Jemma and Ryan bathed the three kids and settled them all down. While she made popcorn, Ryan picked a movie.

  For two hours they sat down on either end of the sofa while Megan and Billy sat curled up between them and Sean changed places on their laps.

  * * * *

  Ryan watched the last few minutes of the movie. The animation had enthralled both the adults and children almost all the way to the end. Megan had fallen asleep with her arm around his stomach while Jemma had Billy curled around her and Sean on her lap. He smiled watching Jemma move off the sofa trying not to wake either of the boys. Within moments, she was free and taking Sean up to bed. Billy muttered something and snuggled against the pillow his mother had been leaning against.

  He enjoyed the view of her tempting ass as she made her way out of the room and up the flight of stairs. After she made her way back down, she pulled the popcorn bowl from Megan’s hand.

  “Could you take Billy? He’s getting a little too heavy for me.”

  Ryan waited for Jemma to take Megan, and then scooped up Billy, following close behind her. Megan slept in her own room so he continued down the hall to Billy’s.

  The noise from opening the door and moving around the chaos of his toys woke Billy up.

  “What’s going on?” he sleepily asked.

  “It’s time for sleep,” Ryan made his way toward the bed.

  “I love you Uncle Ryan,” he muttered snuggling against Ryan’s shoulder.

  His heart exploding within his chest, Ryan kissed the top of the boy’s head. “I love you too.”

  Pulling back the covers, Ryan settled him down. Billy opened his eyes and smiled at him.

  “I like you being here.”

  Ryan smiled brushing the hair off the boy’s face. “I enjoy being here buddy.”

  Leaning down, he kissed his head and made to leave. A small hand pulled on his. Ryan looked down at Billy.

  “Would you be my new daddy?” Ryan sat on the bed next to Billy.

  “You have a daddy Billy.” Ryan stroked his hair.

  “I know but daddy’s not coming back.” Ryan’s heart broke. “I want you to be my new daddy.”

  Ryan picked Billy up and cradled the small boy. He loved him as if he was his own flesh and blood.

  “I would love to be your daddy.”

  After putting Billy back to bed and making sure he was fast asleep, Ryan made his way down to the kitchen. Jemma sat at the table waiting for him, tears falling from her eyes.

  “You heard then?” Ryan went to the fridge grabbing himself a beer.

  “I’ve been so blind to so many things. It’s unreal.” Wiping tears from under her eyes, she got out of her chair and went to the stove. Taking a saucepan, she began making herself another round of hot chocolate. After dumping milk in the pan to heat, she went in search of her best quality chocolate.

  “You’re not blind at all.” Ryan stood next to her as she melted the chocolate and sugar into the warm milk.

  “I thought I could be everything, a judge, a juror, an executioner, mummy, daddy. You name it I thought I could do it.” She stirred the hot liquid, the movement jerky spilling some of the contents over the burner.

  Ryan took her into his arms and wrapped her up in his warmth. “Simon wouldn’t want you to do this alone. He loved you and expected to be with you for life.” He tightened his hold as he spoke “I know this. Simon loved you so much and when you had Billy and Megan he was the happiest married man alive.” He kissed her head.

  Suddenly, her arms circled his neck as her lips pressed against the sensitive column of his neck. Her tongue licked at his skin and Ryan surged forward trapping her against the stove with his body. His dick became erect as all his blood escaped to one part of his body.

  Ryan held her against him, rejoicing in every inch of her body pressed against his The union beautiful.

  “Touch me, Ryan,” she whispered.

  Her words penetrated his brain. For years he had fantasized and wished with all of his heart for Jemma to one day say those meaningful words. For him, Ryan, to be on the receiving end of her demands. He ran his hands up her back, going under her large shirt to feel her smooth flesh. Heat radiated off her. Ryan couldn’t help but notice how small she was within his arms—so fragile and vulnerable.

  “I can’t,” Ryan said as his hands went to cup her face looking into her tear stained eyes. It broke his heart to refuse her, still he stepped back after giving her one final kiss.

  “Why not?” she cried.

  Ryan stood near the backdoor, composing himself, trying to keep his raging emotions under control. Jemma was hurting and she didn’t completely understand what she was asking for. He didn’t want a one-night stand or to replace Simon. He wanted to be the person she came to for comfort. The man she craved to be with. Not as a stand in but as the man she’d come to love.

  “I can’t be him, Jemma,” he said while looking outside the back door. Snow littered the ground. Who would have thought one of the best days of his life would end like this? Never before had he felt more a part of this family.

  He heard her move closer t
o him and tensed, waiting for the touch of her hand on his shoulder. So many times he’d stood at this door, even when Simon was alive, and she’d comforted him.

  Ryan longed to feel her touch, only this time it didn’t come. He turned around and saw her standing a few feet away, her hand raised slightly but not moving any further.

  What did it mean?

  She stared at her hand and then at him, not reaching.

  Ryan could see the indecision. If she was to reach out and touch him, he would still be her friend and that is all they would remain, but if she stayed and placed her hand at her side, they could begin something more. He knew her indecision. He’d had many moments himself, where he could’ve taken their relationship from friends to lovers but hesitated. He didn’t know how long he stood there and waited, but finally she lowered her hand to her side. Her eyes stared into his as she did.

  Heart lifted, he moved from the door but stopped as she took a step back. Her palm outstretched to stop him getting any closer.

  Ryan stopped instantly. Having her place her palm by her side was more than he could have ever hoped for.

  “I…I don’t want you to be Simon. I’ve never wanted you to be him. The children will know and I hope love their father but I understand their need for more. Us? I don’t know. I feel something for you Ryan but I don’t understand, I’m not sure I even want to understand what I feel.” Jemma stopped and he watched as she licked her lips looking everywhere but at him. His heart breaking, he waited to see what else she wanted to say. “You should move in though. You spend more time here than anywhere else and Billy and Megan want you here.”

  “Do you want me here?” he asked, dreading the answer.

  Ryan died a little as she shrugged her shoulders, her entire attitude defeated.

  “I don’t know what I want anymore. I’ve been a wife and a mother for so long. I never thought I’d be at this stage—widowed and only twenty-five.” She shook her head. “I’ll get the room set up for you.”

  “I love you, Jemma. I always will,” he called to her retreating back, his heart in his throat.