Time for Change Read online

  “I want you here.”

  Slamming the door closed she turned on him. “I don’t want to be here with you fucking every slut who will take you. Claire warned me about this, but I never knew you could be this big of a prick.”

  Shoving him in the chest, she moved toward where she dropped her bag near the door. Bending down, she picked it up and put her hand on the door handle, ready to leave his life for good.

  Opening the door, she yelped as his hand went beside her head and closed the door hard. She tried to open it again, but he was too strong. Rachel should have known she wouldn’t be able to best him. He was the strongest person she knew, and she had watched him work out more than enough times at the gym. She’d joined the gym to keep him company and hoped to get fit. But running, while staring at him or other slim blonde women, was not her idea of fun, and she quit.

  The jealousy had gotten to her, and then she’d felt guilty at her feelings. Chris was her dead sister’s husband, and she shouldn’t be having any feelings for him.

  He leaned in close. His breath caressed along her neck. Closing her eyes, she tried to stop the feelings running through her body. He was the only man who’d sparked any emotion inside her.

  She wasn’t a virgin, but even the men she dated hadn’t made her want them as much as Chris did.

  Stop this. He’ll never be yours.

  “Don’t go,” he said.

  “You don’t need me.”

  “I do need you. She was just a distraction. You know what today is.”

  Closing her eyes, she felt herself beginning to cave to him.

  “Please, Rachel, don’t go.” His hand rested on her hip as his head seemed to start to nuzzle her neck, and he stopped.

  She frowned, turning toward him. One of his hands still rested against the door.

  “Tonight, I’ll stay tonight so we can visit their graves, and then I’m gone.” She lived in a small apartment near the restaurant where she worked. In the bad economy, not a lot of jobs were available, and she had yet to finish her degree in business. This was her third job in three months.

  “You don’t have to leave.”

  “I do have to leave. I can’t keep doing this, Chris. You’re going to move on soon, and then I’ll be alone anyway. I can’t stick around constantly watching you mess around with women.”

  She brushed past him, missing his touch the moment he let her go. Would she ever stop feeling so connected by him?

  ****

  Chris watched her go behind the counter. She started to arrange saucepans on the stove. He stood watching her. In the first few months when he moved in Rachel had lived with him in the spare room. Thinking back to that time, he recalled bringing a woman home, and within days Rachel was moving out. He’d not given it much thought at the time, but he must have been the cause for her leaving.

  Running fingers through his hair, he took a seat at the counter. That one woman had turned into two, until he’d finally fucked his way through the hospital. It was much easier relieving the stress through sex than thinking about everything he lost. He didn’t even keep a photo of his girls. No, his only reminder was Rachel, but he couldn’t let her go either. Every time he tried to leave her alone, he found himself going back to her, wanting her. The women meant nothing to him. The times in his life he enjoyed were the moments Rachel was part of it.

  “How’s the restaurant?” he asked.

  “Still going strong. At least I’ve not lost this job, and it’s keeping me in rent and food.” She shrugged her shoulders, stirring something as she did.

  “You don’t need to be living like that. You can stay here, and I’ll be happy for you to be here.”

  “No, I’m not staying here. I’d soon cramp your style when you brought more women here to screw.”

  Chris couldn’t say anything. If she was here then he’d stop fucking other women. They meant nothing to him at all.

  “I want you back,” he said, meaning it.

  She stopped to look at him.

  He stared back seeing her, really seeing her. Rachel didn’t have the first clue as to why he’d brought that woman back when he did. She’d been driving him crazy with her presence. Rachel didn’t have the first clue how sexy she was, and when he’d first noticed, it had scared the hell out of him. She was Rachel, Claire’s little sister, the complete opposite of his wife. Where Claire was slender and blonde, Rachel was curvy and a brunette. Staring at her now, Chris admired all of her full curves covered in tight jeans and a long shirt.

  On closer inspection he saw it was one of the shirts he’d given her when she spilled something on her shirt, which he still owned. Great, he was turning into a crazy person, keeping her clothing and occasionally sniffing it when he needed to be comforted.

  So many times he’d been tempted to tear her clothing from her body and have his way with her. Instead, he focused on talking about something else.

  His thoughts were drawing a blank. This lust he felt for her shouldn’t be happening. He’d taken care of her for so long that she shouldn’t be more to him than a sister.

  She’s never felt like a sister.

  This attraction terrified him. She shouldn’t be getting past his defenses and making him want her.

  “What are you cooking?” he asked, trying to distract his thoughts. Her cooking had improved in the last three years, and he looked forward to whatever she cooked for him.

  “Pasta and sauce.”

  “Look at me,” he said.

  Her gaze fell on his. Tears filled her eyes as she stared at him. “What, Chris? What do you want me to say?”

  Biting his lip, he stopped himself from saying something he’d regret. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  She shook her head, stepping away from the stove. He watched her wipe the tears from her cheeks before they tracked down her face. “I’ve been asked out by Richard, the chef at the restaurant,” she said, startling him.

  “What?”

  Rachel stepped closer to the stove and began stirring once again.

  “I know, he surprised me, too, but I don’t know if I should date a chef. I mean, they’re so controlling and like things done their way,” she said.

  He couldn’t believe she was using him for dating advice, again. Chris hated being this person for her. He didn’t want to tell her who to date or how to date.

  “Don’t date him,” Chris said, before he could stop himself.

  She stopped stirring and looked at him. “What? Why?”

  “Because he’d not right for you.”

  When she’d lost her virginity, he’d known. Chris hated every new boyfriend or date that came into her life. He’d seen this Richard at the restaurant where she worked. Every time she got a new job, he checked the place out, making sure it was okay for her to work. Rachel’s care and safety meant everything to him.

  “You don’t even know him. I want to date him.”

  “No, you don’t.” He stood up, moving around the counter to take the spoon from her.

  She glared at him, stomping to the other counter to get two plates from the cupboard. “I didn’t say anything to get your permission. I was telling you. He’s nice and sweet. Claire would have loved him.”

  Chris couldn’t let her date another man. He needed to get his point across. “What if he’s messing with other women?”

  “I’m going on a date with him. I’m not sleeping with him.” She hit him with her hip to budge him out of the way. “Besides, when are you going to be serious about one of your women?”

  “I’m not.”

  She served them both some food then took hers to the counter to sit. He sat beside her, inhaling her vanilla and cream scent.

  They ate in silence, and all the time, Chris was thinking of how he could stop Rachel from dating the chef.

  “Stay tonight,” he said, needing her to be close.

  “Fine. I’ll stay.”

  Christmas was a month away, and he didn’t want to spend it alone. Chris didn’t
want to spend any more time alone. His feelings for Rachel were scaring him though. The women were a distraction, nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t a good enough excuse, and he shouldn’t be using women to make himself deal with his feelings. Claire would kick his ass if she was alive.

  The women had to stop, and he needed to figure out how to handle his feelings for Rachel. He wasn’t going to lose her because of his stupidity.

  Chapter Two

  Rachel rubbed her hands together even though she was wearing gloves. Chris was bending over to leave some flowers, and she was admiring the curves of his ass. She was a bad person for checking out his ass. Her sister was dead and had been for three years. There was no way he’d even look at her the way he looked at Claire. No words were spoken; there never needed to be.

  The tears were no longer present either. Was she becoming a bad person for the fact she could no longer cry?

  Shaking her head, she bounced on the heels of her feet to try to bring some heat back into her body. It was cold. Even wearing jeans, a sweater and a coat, she was still cold.

  Chris took a step back, taking hold of her hand as he did.

  “I do miss them.”

  “I know.”

  “I’ve accepted that they’re dead.”

  She nodded. “They’re still loved though. We’ve got by without them.” She blew out a breath. “When Claire was going through her morbid stage she mentioned to me about letting you move on. Have you thought about dating again?” she asked.

  Screwing everything in sight was a little different from dating. It would kill a part of her to see him settle down with another woman, but he deserved to find love again.

  “I hated her morbid phase. I never thought anything she said would come true. It freaks me out when I think about it.” His hand tightened around hers.

  “I know what you mean. I think she meant every word she said. I mean, she’d probably be happy with you finding someone you love. You need to get back out there and date someone.”

  She smiled at him, trying to make light of it.

  “Let’s go and get some coffee.” They’d not gone back to the café where they heard the news. She was surprised when he took her to the place where she worked.

  “I didn’t know you knew where I worked,” she said, laughing.

  He entered without smiling, and Steven, the guy on the door, greeted them.

  “We’ve got your seat waiting for you,” he said.

  “Wait? Seat?” she asked, looking from Steven to Chris.

  “Thank you,” Chris said, escorting her through the room. She’d never eaten at the restaurant as she spent enough time serving customers rather than being the customer.

  He helped her into her seat. She glanced over toward the bar where they served drinks. Rachel reached for the menu. Chris stopped her from taking the menu with the prices on. There was no way she could afford this place, and she always put half toward lunch.

  “Chris, I need to see the cost.”

  “No, you don’t. You’re eating with me. I can afford this food.”

  “Even working part time?” she asked. She’d been by the phone this morning when the call went to answer phone. The head of the hospital was begging for Chris to change his mind. The hospital needed him as he was a good doctor.

  “I was going to tell you about that soon.”

  “When? You love taking care of people.” Rachel folded her arms, glaring at him.

  “We’ll talk about this another time. What do you want to eat?” he asked, ignoring her question.

  “Whatever is cheaper,” she said, glaring at him. She served food in the bar but never actually took the time to look at the menu. Rachel didn’t have the first clue what was cheapest.

  “Why are you being so difficult?”

  She glanced toward the kitchen doors. For once the doors were open, and she got a clear shot of the kitchen. Rachel saw Richard working and knew Chris had done this on purpose.

  “Why did you bring me here? What have you got against me going on a date?” She leaned forward ready to grill him some more when the waiter arrived. It was Jared, and he wore a smile on his face.

  “Rachel, it’s great to see you here.”

  Chris took over, ordering their food. No wine was ordered. It was too early for wine, and she hated the stuff.

  “I’ll tell Richard you’re here.”

  She smiled even though the last thing she felt like doing was smiling.

  “He seems nice,” Chris said.

  “Will you be settling down with someone?” she asked, bringing the focus back around to him. She liked Richard, but he never gave her a buzz like Chris did. Rachel cursed her thoughts. After all this time she was still comparing the way men made her feel to Chris. He was never going to be hers. She’d seen the women he slept with. They were all blonde, slender, and beautiful, the complete opposite of her.

  She wasn’t gross out ugly, just plain. There was nothing startling about her. Claire used to say there was more to her than looks and would compliment her curves. At twenty-six she knew the real world, and in the real world men didn’t go for the fuller women who liked their food. She’d never hidden her true nature from Chris. He was the one person she stayed the same for.

  “I’m not settling down with anyone. You’re beautiful when you’re angry.”

  Rachel frowned. “What are you trying to do?”

  “Do you really think that fucker in there is perfect for you? I imagine there’s some bet going on to get you in the sack.” Chris lifted his water and took a sip. She noticed how sturdy his hands were and wondered how they’d feel caressing her body.

  Get your mind out of the gutter.

  “You’re being crude.”

  “I’m thinking like a man. You’ve not dated anyone from here before, and it has been three months. You’re a challenge to every male in this room.”

  She shook her head, ready to bite his head off.

  “Rachel, it’s so good to see you.” Richard’s voice stopped her from saying anything to Chris. She smiled up at him, begging for a spark to be there. He kissed her cheek, lingering a little too long for her liking.

  No, there was no spark. Glancing over at Chris, she saw the glint in his eyes.

  “Who is this?” Richard asked.

  “This is Christian. My brother-in-law.” She made the introductions wishing Chris would stop looking at her like that. What the hell was going on?

  They’d not argued once in their lives together. She asked him about a potential date, and he was blowing up as if she’d asked his opinion on robbing a bank.

  The tension between the two men was clear to see.

  “I’ll, erm, make sure your food is brought to you. I made it with special care.” He leaned down to kiss her again. Rachel gave him her cheek, wishing he’d leave them to argue.

  ****

  Chris knew he was being a bastard. Fisting his hands underneath the table, he tried not to lose it at the sight of another man touching her. She was his. He stopped, trying to process all of his thoughts. Rachel was not his woman. They’d never even shared a kiss.

  Sure, he’s kissed her cheek, hugged her and held her through grief, but nothing ever overstepped the grounds of their relationship.

  She watched Richard leave before turning to him. “I’m going on a date with him this Friday. I don’t want you to ruin my chance of being happy.” She threw her napkin to the table and stood.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, hating the fact he didn’t have any control over her. Rachel was a free agent. He couldn’t do anything to stop her from walking away from him.

  “I’m going to the bathroom. Try not to screw another woman until I get back.”

  “Why? Do you want to watch?” he asked, lifting his water glass to take a sip.

  “You never know. I might learn a few tricks from you.”

  She walked away.

  He’d watched her move away from him many times. The jeans molded to her ass l
ike a second skin. What would it feel like to screw everything to hell and simply take her? She was attracted to him. He saw the signs in the way she looked at him. Chris had even clocked her comparing him to the fucking chef when he came to the table.

  “I’m fucked,” he said, whispering the words. What would Claire think of him lusting after her sister? The feeling that Claire would be okay with it filled him. He didn’t know why. “I’m going insane.”

  Jared walked to the table carrying two plates of food. He hesitated when he saw Rachel was gone. The guy looked like a weak link.

  “She’s gone to the bathroom. She’ll be back in a moment.” He watched as Jared delicately placed their plates on the table. “So, do you know Richard well?” he asked.

  The other guy looked nervous, glancing toward the kitchen. “He’s, erm, he’s a chef.”

  “Does being a chef make him an asshole?” Chris asked.

  “No, no, he’s not an asshole.” Jared held his hands up.

  Chris had enough. He saw through everyone. What with years of being a cutthroat bastard and also having a knack for reading people, he cut through the crap. “How much is being put on Richard fucking my friend?” he asked, getting down to business. Jared went red.

  “I don’t know what you mean, Sir?” Another awkward glance was sent to the kitchen.

  “No? Okay, I think I understand everything. Leave, and tell your chef I want a word with him outside in thirty minutes.”

  He spotted Rachel heading toward him. Jared left his side, and he focused all of his attention on the woman in front of him. Making a quick decision, Chris knew there was never going to be another woman in his life. He was going to find some way of having Rachel in his.

  Claire would want both of them to be comforted by each other. He wasn’t hurting his wife’s memory. Chris was going to make sure he gave Rachel everything she wanted.

  “Fine, I’ll accept your date on Friday,” he said. “You’ll call me to make sure you arrived safely, and then you’ll let me know when you’re leaving.”

  When Rachel had walked back to him, she’d looked ready to go to war. Her shoulders slumped as he caved in to her demands. Chris got what he wanted, though. The Rachel he’d come to adore was sat at the table, eating.