Love in Chaos Read online

  “Are you trying to teach me now?”

  She chuckled. “I would never presume. You’ve got to look at your factors, mark which ones are important. I’d say food and safety are high on that list, but more importantly, food. We can’t keep ourselves safe if we can’t eat.”

  He cupped her ass. “You’ve been able to keep yourself well-fed. Do you have any idea how many times I fantasized about these curves?”

  “I’m going to assume often.” She slid her hands up his chest, wrapping them around his neck. “And I rather like that.” She pulled him down close, kissing him. “I survived because I studied a lot. I knew what plants would help me to survive, and I got lucky. I stayed in one place long enough and even with the world ending, I knew potato chips are not a healthy snack.” She pressed her head to his. “You’re going to find somewhere. I know you are.”

  She kissed him again and pulled away.

  He watched her go.

  Her complete and total faith in him startled him. Clayton didn’t know what he’d done to deserve so much trust, but he was going to do all that he could to make sure she was right.

  Heading back to the camp, he rounded everyone up. Their supplies were dwindling, so he’d have to make a decision soon.

  He nodded for Lee to come to him.

  “What’s up, boss?” she asked.

  In recent weeks, Lee had gotten close to Maggie. His woman had proven herself and her ink to everyone. She pulled her weight, even when he didn’t want her to. Now that she was pregnant, he didn’t know how he was going to be able to cope with her doing anything.

  “I need you to keep an extra eye on Maggie.”

  Lee looked to where Maggie was preparing to leave, fitting a bag onto her back. He noticed she was having to adjust the straps to make it fit around her waist.

  “Why? Is everything okay?”

  “I think she’s pregnant.”

  Lee gaped. “Does she even suspect anything?”

  “No. I don’t even think she’s figured out how long she’s been with us.”

  “Your girl’s not stupid or anything, is she? It’s not like she thinks you have to be married or anything to have a child.”

  He glared at her.

  Lee held up her hands. “Okay, okay, fine, but you’ve got to wonder why she hasn’t said anything if she hasn’t had her cycle.”

  “I imagine it’s down to the time. She doesn’t think about it. She’s just moving forward like everyone else.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on her, but we’re going to need a pregnancy test to figure this out. Fuck.”

  “What?” Clayton asked.

  Lee pressed her lips together.

  “Just tell me.”

  “Some … women die in pregnancy. They died when the world wasn’t fucking backward. Look around, Clayton. No doctors. No medicine. Only what we find. What if she needs a C-section? What if she needs blood? We have no way of testing that shit. We’re just back to the old ways of fucking hoping.” Lee shook her head and then hit him in the arm. “Couldn’t you have bagged that shit up?”

  “Don’t alarm her.” He’d be going fucking crazy for the both of them.

  Lee glared at him some more before heading over to where Maggie was already waiting. His woman had pulled her long blonde locks into a bun at the back of her head. She was so beautiful. He’d always found her striking, but the last few years, she’d gotten even more so. The ache he had was to keep her all to himself.

  Clayton would do everything he could to keep her safe.

  Now, he just needed to figure out how to tell her she was pregnant.

  Chapter Six

  Another town with even fewer supplies than the last, but Maggie saw this one a hell of a lot differently.

  Leaving the group, she made her way around the back of one of the houses and came to a stop. Someone had turned their entire yard into a vegetable and fruit patch. It was getting colder, so some of the produce wasn’t edible.

  At a large string of peas, she picked a couple and opened them up to see perfect green peas. Smiling, she put them in her mouth.

  Tucking her hair behind her ear, she spotted what looked like a potato leaf. It wasn’t in the best condition as she pulled it, but beneath the surface were fresh potatoes.

  “Clayton!” She screamed his name.

  This was more than any other place. They had fresh produce. There were times throughout history people that were able to store and preserve this stuff.

  Clayton arrived with his gun drawn, ready to start shooting. She frowned and realized she’d screamed his name.

  “I’m so sorry. I was excited, and look.” She rushed over to him, grabbing his arm and pulling out some peas and feeding them to him. Next, she crouched down and began to uncover the potatoes.

  “Why the hell did you think to leave the group, Maggie?” he asked.

  “Don’t be pissed at me.”

  “I need to be pissed at you.”

  “Fine. Whatever. Be pissed, but at least look!” She pointed down at the fresh food. “This ground is fertile. It could mean that most of the grounds around here are fertile. We could settle here.”

  “What about safety?”

  “We can make it safe.” She got to her feet. “You’re worrying about sticking around. This garden alone could feed us all for a couple of weeks, at least, so long as we’re careful with rations and we eat every last scrap.” She took his hand within her own. “There are houses, and we can find something. Anything to keep this place safe. We’ve all got the skills.”

  Clayton stared at her, cupping her face. “I need you to come with me.”

  She frowned but followed.

  “Gather everyone in front of this house,” Clayton said as they passed one of his men.

  Over the past few weeks, she’d started to learn everyone’s name, but she was still in the process of remembering them.

  They moved away from the house, going down the long street. She hadn’t noticed a sign, but there was a pharmacy symbol on the building he entered.

  “Are you sick?” she asked, fear rushing through her entire body.

  He didn’t say anything, going through the shelves until he came to a stop. He grabbed something, turned around, and handed it to her. “You need to take this.”

  Looking down at the box, Maggie held it tightly.

  A pregnancy test.

  She’d been scared about what her lack of a cycle meant. She knew immediately it could only mean one thing.

  Clayton hadn’t worn a condom, and it wasn’t like she was on the pill. They hadn’t been careful. Instead, she’d just hoped they wouldn’t get pregnant. Actually, that was a lie. Like most things in this world, she wanted to get pregnant but also knew the risks were higher now than ever before.

  No doctors.

  No hospitals.

  No medicine.

  It was back to the old ways.

  She looked up to find Clayton frowning. Biting her lip, she glanced down at the test. “Do you love me?” she asked.

  “This is serious. I need to know.”

  Her heart broke a little more. He was more interested in finding out if she was pregnant than telling her how he felt.

  “Right.” She brushed past him and went to the bathroom. Her hands shook as she pulled the sticks out of the box, opening them up. The words were all a blur.

  Clayton entered the bathroom.

  “Please leave.”

  “Maggie?”

  “No. I don’t want to talk to you. I’ll take this test, okay? And I’ll let you know the results.” She refused to look at him. If she did, she’d cry. He’d broken her heart and he didn’t even know it.

  Seconds passed, then minutes, before he finally walked out. She breathed a little sigh of relief, but it didn’t make her feel better.

  Swiping at her falling tears, she read through the instructions. She entered the stall, dropped her pants, and sat on the toilet. Her hands shook as she took the test.

  Th
is was pointless. She knew what was going to happen. She was pregnant.

  After peeing on the stick, she placed it on top of the toilet roll holder before standing to pull up her pants.

  Once done, she went to the sink and washed her hands as the stick let her know her fate.

  It was rather anticlimactic. Pregnant. The results didn’t shock her.

  Nodding her head, she took a deep breath and left the bathroom.

  “I’m going to join the others.”

  “Maggie, stop it.” Clayton grabbed her arms.

  “Get your hands off me. You want the results, they’re in the bathroom.”

  “Don’t do this.”

  She continued to look at him, waiting for him to back down, which he did. He stepped back, and she moved forward, joining the rest of the crew.

  “Are you okay?” Lee asked.

  “Fine.”

  “You look pale. Where’s Clayton?”

  “He’ll be joining us soon.” Maggie stared straight ahead. When Clayton joined, she ignored his stare.

  He let everyone know they were going to be settling in this quaint little town. She didn’t know the name of it. The signs had rubbed out long ago, not that it mattered anymore. Then he let the group know some very special news. He told them that she was pregnant and everyone turned toward her, congratulating her, but she hated it.

  Rather than smile, she acknowledged the well wishes and didn’t speak.

  Staring at the ground, she waited for everything to move on.

  Clenching her hands into fists, she knew she could only rely on herself.

  ****

  Clayton knew he’d fucked up.

  “Do you love me?”

  It was a simple question and yet, he hadn’t given her a simple answer. He’d ordered her to take the damn test. No wonder she was pissed at him, angry. He would be too. All day, she’d ignored him and even now, she hadn’t joined the rest of them outside where they’d set a fire and started to make plans.

  Lee came out of the house where Maggie had discovered the vegetables.

  “How is she?” he asked, getting to his feet.

  “I don’t know. I think … she’s heartbroken.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah. She’s not smiling, nor is she happy. I think she’s really sad about being pregnant. It’s not good. Moms have to be happy.” Lee ran fingers through her hair. “At least this means she won’t give birth in the winter. We’re looking at a spring into summer baby.”

  “I need to go and see her,” he said.

  “Do you love her?” Lee asked.

  He stopped and turned toward her. “Why are you asking me that?”

  “Because it’s what she asked you and you refused to answer her.”

  “Did she tell you that?” he asked.

  “She didn’t need to tell me that. You just did. Ever since Maggie got here, I knew she was totally in love with you. I had no doubt about it. The way she looks at you. The smile she always reserves for you alone. No one can even come close to that level of love, but the question is if you love her or if is she just a willing pussy for you.”

  “Don’t speak about her like that.” He couldn’t stand for anyone to even think Maggie meant so little to him.

  “Like I said, whatever happened between the two of you in that pharmacy has upset her. You’ve got to fix it, and fast.” Lee slapped him on the back as he passed.

  There was no comfort in what she offered him.

  Tapping his fingers on his thigh, he looked toward the house where the woman he wanted more than anything waited for him.

  Why hadn’t he told her there and then that he loved her? That he’d fallen in love with her when she was a student in his class and it was entirely forbidden?

  He moved forward, entering the house, and found her in the sitting room, staring ahead. “There’s food outside.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Stop being stubborn. You need to eat something.”

  She didn’t say anything. Both of her hands were pressed to her stomach.

  He moved and sat on the wooden coffee table, watching her. “Talk to me, Maggie.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “We’re going to have a baby.”

  “No, we’re not. I’m having a baby.”

  He gritted his teeth. “I never answered your question in the pharmacy.”

  “I always imagined when I was pregnant, I’d be married. I know that having unprotected sex gets you pregnant, but I figured I’d be married and I’d be in love.”

  “I love you, Maggie.”

  Her tear-filled gaze turned to him. “In the pharmacy, if you’d have said that, I’d believe you. Now, I don’t.”

  “Damn it, Maggie. I speak the truth. I love you.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “So damn much, I can’t think straight.”

  She pulled her hand out of his.

  “I fucked up. I know this. I needed us to know the truth.”

  “Baby or not, you should have told me how you felt. You didn’t. You were angry.”

  “I was scared, Maggie. Do you know how fucking scary this is?”

  “Yeah, go ahead, tell the pregnant woman how many have died in childbirth. Why don’t we compare everything from now to over a hundred years ago? That’s how close we are, right? That’s how long it has been.” She glared at him. “I know the risks, Clayton, but I don’t care. I love you with all of my heart, and I have loved you for a long time. This baby is a gift. I know it’s not at the best time, but he or she will know my love.”

  He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. “It will know my love as well, and you’re not going to push me away.”

  “I’m tired.”

  “Then I’m going to go and get you some food, and I’ll be joining you. If you think to lock me out, I’ll break, smash, or crush anything you put in my way and that, my dear, is a fucking promise.”

  He made his way back outside, grabbing her a plate of food. Lee raised a brow at him, but he ignored it, heading back inside to his woman.

  She wasn’t downstairs, so he made his way upstairs, finding her sitting on the bed. She’d kicked off her shoes, socks, and jeans. The shirt she wore was also on the floor. She wore a vest and a pair of panties.

  Her hands were on her stomach, touching, gliding over.

  “Can you feel it?” he asked.

  She stopped touching her stomach and sat up more. “I don’t want to eat anything.”

  “You’re going to eat. You’re going to need this now more than ever.” He put the tray on the bed. “If you don’t eat, I’ll fucking feed you. How is that?”

  She glared at him but took the tray. She rested it on her lap and he waited as she started to eat. Taking a deep breath, he knew this was going to be a battle with her until he convinced her of his love for her.

  Maggie finished the whole tray of food. He took the tray back outside and returned to find her already curled up in bed.

  He used the bathroom to splash water on his face. They were going to have to set up a watering system of their own and work this town. He’d make it work. For his woman and for his future children.

  Going back to the bedroom, he then slid beneath the covers and wrapped his arm around Maggie. Even as she tensed up, he refused to let her go. She would sleep by his side, wrapped around him.

  Pressing his face against hers, he breathed her in. He’d make it up to her.

  She loved him and he loved her. He’d just gone the wrong way about telling her.

  Chapter Seven

  “It’s not my business to pry,” Lee said.

  Maggie chuckled, looking up from where they were cleaning potatoes. They’d discovered four houses on this street alone with fresh vegetables. From what she could see, they had been growing from previous years. The grounds would need to be turned and changed, but it was sheer luck and good nutritious soil that had meant they were able to harvest as much as they did from the land.


  “But you’re going to pry, anyway.”

  “He loves you and you love him,” Lee said. “We’ve been here three weeks and still, you don’t talk to him. The crew are talking.”

  “They can talk. I don’t mind.” She put the washed potatoes onto the table, going back to the tub. There was a time she’d be by Clayton’s side. He wouldn’t let her out of his sight, but since the first morning, she’d been focusing on helping with the food. What they needed to do was find some way to keep it fresh as long as possible. In the first house, she’d discovered all the books, most of them dusty. She’d been seeing how best to keep potatoes, onions, and other fresh vegetables for over the winter. They needed to store them away from the sunlight. No warmth, but it also needed to be protected from the frost.

  Clayton and the men were finding suitable accommodation for their vegetable friends.

  “Maggie. Don’t push me away.”

  “I’m not pushing you away. I don’t know what to say. Not really. I asked him if he loved me and instead, he ordered me to take the test. It’s not a convenient time to tell me he loves me. I just … I don’t believe him. I want to. I’ve loved him for as long as I’ve known him. It started out as a silly school girl crush.”

  “School girl?”

  Maggie winced. She’d never told Lee that Clayton was once her teacher. She quickly filled in the blanks before her friend went a little crazy.

  “Did he take advantage of you in high school?”

  “No. Absolutely not. He would never … ever do anything like that. It only happened now.” She forced a smile.

  Lee breathed a sigh of relief. “I wouldn’t want to hurt him but I would if he was … you know.”

  “He’s not.” She frowned. “I don’t know what we are right now. We’re going to be parents and he’s persistent.” Tears filled her eyes. Her hormones were all over the place. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying.”

  “You don’t need to apologize for crying.”

  “Any other time, this would have been a dream come true. Now I just … he’s telling me he loves me because of the baby, no other reason.” She sniffled. “And that, I don’t think I can stand that.”