Ashamed (The Family #3) Read online

  “What? Where the fuck did that come from?” he asked.

  “I’m just curious. Your friends seem nice. Understanding and they like me. I was wondering if you were ashamed of your past. Of me and Christie, or of all of us.” She put the glass down on the counter, and turned toward him. “Well?”

  “I’m not ashamed of you.”

  “Then what the fuck is it, Luiz?”

  “Language.”

  “Right now, I really don’t care if Christie hears me. We’ve been through hell tonight. I’m covered in another man’s blood, and that of Xander. Nothing about tonight is all right. Don’t you get that?”

  “What can I say to make this all right?”

  “Nothing. That’s the thing. There is nothing for you to say, or do that is going to make this okay,” she said.

  “I’m not ashamed of you.”

  “Really? Because right now I’m starting to think that you are. You had a kid when you were a teenager, Luiz.”

  “I’m not ashamed of Christie, okay? I’m ashamed of myself.”

  She frowned.

  Seconds passed, and she folded her arms. “Now you’re going to have to explain that shit,” she said.

  “I fucked up. I’m no good for you. Don’t you see that? From the moment I was born I had blood on my hands. I’m not good for you, for Christie, or for Xander.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “Is it? Look at me, Raine. I can kill a man, and I don’t care.”

  “I just killed a man!”

  “Yeah, and you’re shaking. You look fucking crazy, Raine. You’re not like me.” He reached out, grabbing her arms. “You’re good. I’m not.”

  She shoved him hard.

  Luiz took the pain, wanting her to lash out at him. He would ruin her if given the chance. The more she hit him, the more he embraced it.

  “You killed him!”

  “I did. I did this, Raine, and I can’t let you get away from me.” He grabbed the back of her head, holding her still as he slammed his lips down on hers.

  She tasted heavenly. He felt like a drowning man, and she was his fountain of water.

  ****

  One second Luiz was kissing her, and the next, he was carrying her through his bedroom toward the en-suite bathroom. Raine slammed her fists against his back, wanting him to put her down.

  It was all just too much.

  Xander was gone.

  Her best friend, her second father, was completely gone, and she didn’t know how to handle that. Then Luiz was kissing her, and she wanted those kisses more than anything. She craved the feel of his lips against hers.

  “Let me go!”

  “No, never.” He put her down after he’d shut the bathroom door, and she fell, landing in a heap at his feet.

  “Ugh!”

  “You can argue with me, bitch, moan, and even use your claws on me, but I will take care of you.”

  “Fuck you!” In her heartache, Raine struggled to gain any control over her language. She was hurting, and it was all because of Luiz.

  “One day, you will.”

  For a few seconds she didn’t know what he meant, and when he looked her body up and down, she glared. “You’re not going to touch me.”

  “Oh yes I am. You’ll let me as well, so don’t even for a second pretend that it’s not something you want.”

  “I don’t want you near me.”

  “Right now I accept that. You and I, this was meant to be, and now I know what Xander was talking about the past couple of years.”

  She frowned. “What?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “What are you going to do about his body?”

  “Xander died over fifteen years ago, Raine. I can’t do anything more.”

  “The cops? His body. He has a right.”

  “They won’t find his body.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve already put a call to it. His body will be cremated, and I’ll collect his ashes. That’s all we’re going to be able to do.”

  Raine stared at the floor. The pain was consuming, and it hurt her chest. She rubbed at her heart, needing some respite from the pain. “Did he know that?”

  “Yes. He never wanted a big funeral. He always thought he’d be burying me long before he was gone. Always told me I was reckless.”

  He reached out, grabbing her shirt and tugging it open.

  She let out a little squeal and tried to swat his hands out of the way. “Stop that.”

  “We’ve got to get clean, and get rid of these fucking clothes.”

  Raine didn’t know why she was fighting. Seconds passed, even minutes, and they were both naked.

  Luiz dumped her into the shower, and the shock of the cold had her screaming and trying to get away.

  Too much.

  Everything was too much, and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Wrapping her arms around Luiz, she didn’t fight him. She held on as sobs took over, and she couldn’t contain the pain.

  He held her tightly, his hand pressed against the base of her back.

  She felt nothing but the comforting heat of his body. “He’s gone.”

  “I know, babe.”

  Raine looked up and saw Luiz was crying right along with her. “You’re crying.”

  “I lost him as well. Xander meant so much to me.”

  She dropped her head to his chest, and held him as they both cried for a fallen friend. Raine had felt this pain before, and she hated it. She wanted it to stop.

  “We’ll get through this.”

  “Are you going to dump me with another friend?”

  “No. I really thought I was doing the right thing.”

  “And now?”

  “I fucked up, and I don’t know how to apologize enough. You were right. I should have brought you all here.”

  Raine shrugged. “We can’t change what happened.”

  “No. I can make it better.” He stroked her cheek, wiping away the tears. “Please don’t cry.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “I can’t stand the thought of you crying, let alone seeing it.” He cupped her face, looking into her eyes.

  Every second that they were staring at each other, she felt him strip another layer away. She wanted to hate him, to put him out of her mind so she could find an excuse to move on. At the same time, this was everything she had ever wanted, and had been dreaming about. This was such a cruel twist of fate right now.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “We can’t change it.”

  “I know, and I fucking hate that. I want to change it.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “I want to make you happy, Raine. Please.”

  Raine took hold of his hands, and stared at them.

  This was all surreal to her. She was completely naked in the shower with Luiz, the father of her sister’s child.

  “You can’t keep me in the dark anymore.”

  “Fine.”

  “I also want to do something with my life.”

  “Spend time with Christie, Paige, and Zara.”

  She shook her head. “Christie needs to go to school.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  “Make it happen, Luiz. She is going to have a normal life. You’ve taken so much already. Give her this, otherwise I walk, and I take her with me. You’ll never find us together.”

  “You’ll never hide from me.”

  “Want to bet? The only reason you’ve been able to find us is because Xander wanted you to. He taught me everything he knew, and I know a lot. That’s all I ask.”

  “If I give you this, let Christie have as close to a normal life as possible, then you have to belong to me.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “No more dating, no more finding someone else. You come to me. I’m your guy. You belong to me, and that’s for everything.”

  “You’re blackmailing me to stay with you?”

  “Yes and no. If you want B
radley, then you can go to him. I’m offering you a life with me.”

  “No one else for either of us? No cheating?”

  “I won’t cheat. I’m not going to lie to you, Raine. I loved your sister, but that was the love of a seventeen-year-old. I care about you, and laying my cards on the table here, I didn’t like you going on that date. I think it killed me to know you were having fun, and it didn’t involve me. I bet that was what Xander was counting on.”

  “Why?”

  “So we could be together. We share a lot of history together, Raine. We’re perfect for each other.”

  “Great, so now you’re going to sacrifice your chance to find love.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “I don’t want to just be together because a bunch of people thought it was a good idea. I want love, Luiz. I want the chance to have children, and a family of my own. Not right now, but someday I hope to have that.”

  “I can give you that.”

  “Really. You think you can fall in love with me?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  Okay, that made her pause. She bit her lip and stared at him. “You’re just saying that.”

  “You’ve known me long enough to know that I don’t just say shit that I don’t mean. I can fall in love with you. I care about you, and I already feel jealousy at any guy who looks your way. They don’t deserve you. I do. I know I can make you happy.”

  He grabbed the soap and started to run it over her body. She didn’t fight him as he touched her, cleaning away the blood. Staring down at her feet, she watched the water tinted red run down, and away from them.

  “I can’t believe I killed someone.”

  “Why didn’t you run with Christie?” he asked.

  “I heard someone coming upstairs, and I’d locked my door, pushing my dressing table in front of it. I messed up because he was getting in. I wanted to be a distraction in case I wasn’t able to get Christie to safety before he found us. I’ll always do whatever it takes to protect her.”

  “I know. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect the two of you. When I saw that guy over you, I wanted to murder him with my bare hands, but I knew I wouldn’t get over to him fast enough. I can’t lose you, Raine. I can’t lose you or Christie. I don’t want to.”

  “You won’t.” She finally made herself look at him. “I’m not going anywhere.” There was nowhere else for her to go. This was the life she’d picked the moment Lora went with him.

  “Thank you. I promise to you that I won’t fuck this up.”

  They finished washing in the shower, and once they were back in his room, she grabbed a robe, and went to check on Christie. She was asleep in the spare bedroom, and right now, Raine didn’t want to think about where she was supposed to sleep, or what she was supposed to do. Her life was crazy. Leaning against the doorframe, she folded her arms, and watched as Christie slept. She held on tightly to her bear, sleeping soundly.

  Raine was thankful that she wasn’t having nightmares, or worried about people coming to get her.

  “She’s sleeping safely. We’ve got men in the hotel, and they’re on our side, wanting change for The Family,” Luiz said, coming to wrap his arm around her.

  “I trust you,” she said, looking at the small child in the bed. “There are times she reminds me of Lora.”

  “She was a little bossy.”

  Raine smiled. “Even when we were kids. I’m tired. Do you have another room here?”

  “No. You’re sleeping with me, and I’m not going to have you argue with me on this.”

  “I’m not going to have sex with you.”

  “I’ve not said sex, yet. I just want us to be together, okay? I want to hold you. Nothing wrong with that.”

  She nodded. She partially closed Christie’s door and stepped away, following Luiz into his room.

  They both wore robes, and even as they lay down, neither of them said anything, and she stared across at the wall, wondering what her future was going to be. She liked Luiz’s arms around her, and she finally fell into a deep sleep.

  Chapter Six

  “So you have a kid,” Donnie said the following day.

  “Yes.”

  “And you’ve had a whole other life?” Tonio asked.

  “Yes.” Luiz looked toward the kitchen where Raine and Christie were making pancakes together. Paige and Zara were at the kitchen counter, talking.

  Raine wore one of his shirts and a pair of his boxer briefs. They were the only things that were close to fitting her. He’d need to get her some clothes, and he wasn’t going to let her go back to the house in case there was someone watching to see if they went back.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” Jake asked. “We tell each other everything.”

  “Do we? Tonio didn’t tell me about his relationship with Maria.”

  “You fucking knew!” Tonio glared at him.

  “You didn’t tell me. Look, I met Lora one night in the damn diner. I loved her. She was everything this world isn’t. My dad didn’t have a clue, or I didn’t think he knew, but he did. He knew what I’d done, and he made me pay.”

  “Did you face him?” Donnie asked.

  “After I got Raine and Christie to safety, I went to face him. He didn’t have a clue that I’d gotten there. I’d saved my little girl, and her auntie. He didn’t know, so I vowed he would never find out.”

  “Did you ever visit her?” Jake asked.

  “When I could. Since we took our parents out, I’ve been able to visit them more often. Someone followed me, and decided to finish what my father started.”

  “Rafael is dead.”

  “I know, but clearly someone wants to take our place, and what better way to do it than to go after us one by one?” Luiz said.

  “We’re going to need to tighten security,” Donnie said.

  “I’ll do that,” Jake said. “I’m the one handling the soldiers. I’ll make sure we have double security in this building by the end of the day.”

  “Daddy,” Christie said.

  Luiz turned to find his little girl holding a small plate. “What is it, sweetie?”

  “I made you a pancake. It’s really tasty. I hope you like it.”

  He took the plate from her, putting it down on the table, and lifting her up onto his knee. “Christie, I want you to meet some of my friends. Would you like that?”

  “Yes.”

  “That scary-looking guy there is Donnie. There is Jake, and this weird dude here is Tonio.”

  “Hello, everyone.”

  Luiz watched as his friends smiled at her, showing their softer side. “Why don’t you go and thank Raine for the pancakes? Will you do that?”

  “Yes.”

  He let her down, and glanced up to see Raine smiling at him.

  They were going to make it work. He was more determined than ever before about making a go of this life with them.

  “She’s sweet,” Jake said.

  “Thanks.”

  “Her mom’s dead?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t get there in time to save her, but I got to Raine, and that’s what Lora would have wanted.” He took a bite of the pancake and closed his eyes. Raine was a damn good cook.

  “What’s going on between you and Raine?” Tonio asked. “Are you together in raising the child or not?”

  “We’re together. I want more, but like all things, it’s going to take time. I can’t expect something to happen overnight. It doesn’t work like that.” No matter how much he wanted it to.

  Waking up this morning, he’d taken his time to look at Raine. She’d been curled up with one hand underneath her face. In sleep she had been so peaceful. He’d finally gotten the chance to look at her, to see how beautiful she was. Her brown hair was long, thick, and glossy. There had been many times over the years that he’d wanted to run his fingers through the full length. He’d always held himself back, never wanting to cross that imaginary wall.

  “Do you know any of Rafael’s contacts
?” Jake asked.

  “I do.” This came from Tonio. “We killed them all. That’s what’s so confusing about this.”

  “The guy’s ID that I got. I recognized him. He worked with Rafael, and with our father. He was a soldier, a very loyal one. When the shit hit the fan when we took over, he fell through the cracks. I don’t remember every single soldier we’ve hired, and I don’t recall us keeping an entire file of everyone in our pocket either,” Luiz said. “That’s a paper trail, and they only used that if they wanted to hurt the person they were after. Bribery, blackmail, you name it.”

  “That’s got to be something that changes,” Jake said.

  “Do you think soldiers would want that?” Donnie asked.

  “Who gives a shit what they want?” Tonio asked. “This is what we need. We need to be able to keep an eye on our businesses, our families, everything. None of us want to be constantly looking over our backs. Let’s face it, we could have every single Tom, Dick, and Harry walk through that door, and not one of them work for us. This is what we need to do to survive in this world. There isn’t any other way. We’ve tried it other ways, and it doesn’t work.”

  “This is what I think we have to do. There’s a paper trail, but it ends with us. We have one file, we review it every week, remove and destroy who was lost.” Jake pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. “I decided to do an example to see what you guys think.”

  After Tonio and Donnie looked, Luiz picked it up. The example was of Jake. His picture was on the left hand side, along with his physical description, past jobs, and current status, including contact information.

  “One single sheet with the relevant details. No one can get caught for that. It could be anything, and we have officers on the force who’ll see that stuff like this gets lost,” Jake said. “This is our safest option.”

  “I like it,” Donnie said. “There has to be a whole new level of security around here.”

  “We can do it for everyone,” Luiz said. “The girls, all of the legit employees. We have the files, and we secure them. They have our word that they won’t go into the wrong hands.”

  “We’re all in agreement?” Donnie asked.