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  “What are we doing here, Nate? We’re keeping it a secret, and I’m lying to my friends, and you’re lying to yours.”

  “I don’t know.”

  The underlying problem.

  He was a jock.

  She was a nerd.

  Now they were living in the same house, and there was no way either of them could get past that.

  “I don’t know what we’re doing, Shawna, but I know I don’t want it to stop.” He pressed a kiss to her lips.

  Both of them froze as the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the house.

  Nate stared at her, and that was when they heard Belle and Daniel.

  Within seconds they were apart, and Nate was gathering up his clothes. She was rushing everything toward her bedroom, and when Nate was gone, she closed the door, and went to take a quick shower, washing off their sex.

  Guilt gripped her.

  Her mother trusted her, and she was abusing that trust. When she had finished her shower, she got changed and made her way downstairs toward the kitchen where she paused at the doorway.

  Daniel had Belle pressed up against the fridge, and was kissing her passionately.

  She watched for seconds trying to recall if she ever saw her own parents do that.

  No, they hadn’t.

  Clearing her throat, she entered the kitchen, trying not to be a little embarrassed as they pulled away.

  “Hey, guys. Did you have fun today?” she asked, taking a seat at the counter.

  “It was fun taking your mom shopping. Does she like Christmas, Shawna? I don’t know.”

  “She loves it. Be warned, the whole house is going to sparkle and shine for Christmas. She loves everything about it, and the cooking. Don’t you do a turkey and a ham, Mom?”

  “I’m not that bad,” Belle said, laughing.

  “Not that bad? You drove the whole street crazy with your cookie baking. She would feed the street for weeks when it came to her baking. It’s all good stuff, though.” She paused as Nate entered. His hair was still damp, and she worried that her parents would jump to the right conclusion.

  “It’ll be nice to have a good Christmas,” Nate said. “Dad and I try to cook a turkey every single year, and we end up burning it, and even making it undercooked too, which makes no sense.”

  She laughed, and saw Daniel looking a little pale. “I hate turkey.”

  “Leave it to me, honey. Shawna and I love cooking. Don’t we, sweetie?” Belle asked.

  “Yes. I love it.” Nate sat beside her, and she felt it was too close. His masculine scent surrounded her, making it hard for her to think. “Do you like presents?” he asked.

  “Love them.”

  “Good.” He winked at her, and she wondered what kind of present he was going to get her.

  Chapter Eight

  “Bonfire this evening, and you’re not going to say no,” Buster said Friday at homeroom.

  “Huh?”

  “It’s bonfire time, and we’ve got booze, girls, and music. You’re going to come with us. I’m not going to take no for an answer.”

  “I don’t know if I can make it.” He had a date with Shawna planned. He already had the movies in his backpack, and he had been looking forward to it all fucking week. Him and Shawna, alone as their parents were heading away for the weekend, and now it looked like he was going to have to attend a fucking party.

  “What? Not make it. Fuck off, you can make it. What the fuck is going on with you, man?” he asked.

  Looking at his friend, it was on the tip of his tongue to tell him the truth. He stopped, and he didn’t want to have to deal with him or the questions. “Nothing is going on with me.”

  “You’ve not been out with us since you got yourself a new stepsister.”

  “She’s not my stepsister.” He wasn’t screwing his stepsister, and Shawna was of absolutely no relation to him.

  “Then what the hell is going on? Don’t you want to hang with us?” Buster asked.

  He sighed. “I’ve just been really focused on other things. It has nothing to do with you, honestly.”

  “Well, Amanda is going to be there, and she wants you there as well.”

  “Amanda isn’t the fucking boss of me.” Nate stood as the bell rang signaling the end of class. He lifted his bag up and hiked it onto his shoulder. How was he going to attend the bonfire, and then be at home with Shawna?

  Crap, fuck!

  There was no way he was going to be able to do it, and he was going to have to cancel their date. It wasn’t even about the sex either.

  No.

  They were going to watch a couple of movies, share some popcorn, have some fun. It was her time of the month so nothing could happen. Besides, she had spent the past two days snuggled up to a hot water bottle. When their parents went to bed, he’d sneak into her room, snuggle up, and rub her stomach, setting her alarm early enough to go to his own room. It was starting to tire him out, but he was more than willing to do it for her, for them.

  “Dude, what is going on?” Buster asked.

  “Nothing. I’ll be there. No problem. I don’t mind.” He did, but right now, he couldn’t do anything about it.

  He went through his next two classes, all the time checking to see if Shawna was around. When it came to lunch, he hung back long enough for her to visit her locker. The moment she appeared, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the girl’s bathroom.

  “Nate, what the hell?” she asked.

  “I can’t do tonight,” he said.

  “Oh, okay.”

  There it was, the disappointment. He saw it for a split second before she covered it up, and forced a smile to her lips.

  “Don’t worry about it. Honestly. Go and have some fun. I figured you would go to the bonfire,” she said.

  “You knew about it?” he asked, confused.

  “Of course I did. My friends asked me as it’s a big deal, but I turned them down. I’m not up to going.”

  He knew the truth even if she didn’t speak it aloud. She had picked him over her friends, while he had picked his friends. Pain hit him square in the chest. “I can change it. I don’t have to go.”

  “You do. You want to go, Nate. It’s more than fine. Honestly.” She smiled. “Have fun.”

  No, he wasn’t going to let her walk out like that. Sinking his fingers into her hair, he pressed her against the wall, and slammed his lips against hers. He had to have her, and taking no for an answer wasn’t acceptable. Her lips were nice, plump, and she opened up to him instantly.

  He didn’t give a fuck who caught them. All he knew was that he wanted her more than anything else in the world.

  She pulled away. “I’ve got to get to class, Nate. We can’t do this here.” Her hands rested against his chest, and he watched her shoulders slump. “I’ll see you later.”

  Nate blew out a breath as she ducked underneath his arm and left.

  Fuck! Fuck!

  He slammed his fist against the wall, and winced at the impact. Fuck!

  Everything had gone crazy, and he didn’t know what the hell to do. This was supposed to be simple. Him and Shawna, fucking. Now it was more, and he couldn’t handle it, and yet in his life it was the only thing that made absolute sense.

  The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Shawna stayed with her friends, and he stayed with his. All the time he was aware of how dejected she looked, and he fucking hated that.

  When he got home, he saw Daniel and Belle loading their things into their car.

  “Everything okay with you?” his father asked.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I don’t know. Shawna went straight to her room looking a little sad. I didn’t know if you two had a fight or something?” His father glanced toward the door where Belle had gone back inside the house. “She worries about Shawna a lot.”

  “Does Belle know that I’m sleeping with her daughter?” Nate asked.

  He hadn’t lied to his father. Hone
sty was something his father demanded, and with it, they had a trust that strengthened their father-son bond. He wouldn’t do anything to ruin it, especially not hurting Shawna.

  “No, she doesn’t.” Daniel looked uncomfortable with that. “You care about her?”

  Nate turned toward the door to see Shawna there, hugging her mother. Her brown hair was pulled back, and the glasses that he’d once thought were ugly but now found cute were nestled on her nose. She didn’t have to wear them all the time, and he knew they hurt her nose when she wore them too long.

  “Yeah, I really do.”

  He cared about her a lot more than he thought was possible.

  “Son, I made a big mistake marrying your mother and having a child with her. I don’t regret you, and to me you weren’t the mistake. She was the mistake, and I wish I could change her in your life. I know she has hurt you so much already. I hope you can forgive me for now being stronger.”

  “Dad, it has nothing to do with you. She wouldn’t have changed. We both know that. Stop blaming yourself because it’s not fair to you.” He hugged his dad. “I won’t hurt her. I promise. You taught me better than that.”

  Shawna wasn’t like any other girl, and he had stopped thinking about her as a quick fuck. She was more than that, so much more.

  Walking toward the door, he smiled as Belle hugged him tight. In the past couple of months she had been more of a mother to him than his own. “I’m going to miss you two. Do you think you can survive without me?” she asked.

  “Of course, Mom,” Shawna said. “We’re nearly grownups. College next year, and then the real world awaits.” Shawna winked. “I’m going to pig out.”

  While he went to the bonfire.

  “Okay. Our contact numbers are on the fridge. Do not hesitate to call. I want to know that you are both happy and safe.”

  Standing in the doorway with Shawna at his side, they both waved off their parents.

  When it was done, he followed Shawna inside, closing the door behind him.

  “When does the bonfire party start?” she asked.

  “I’m going to get changed and head straight over there. If I show up, I can leave early.”

  She nodded. “I hope you have a great time.”

  “Why do we have to be secret?” he asked.

  Shawna stared at him, frowning. “Secret?”

  “Why can’t we tell everyone that we’re together? I don’t understand the secrecy.”

  He watched as she pulled out a cartoon of chocolate ice cream and served herself two scoops. “You wanted it, Nate. It’s what you asked. After our first time, and just before I was getting changed to head home, you begged me not to tell anyone. You said that I should be grateful for you fucking me.”

  His stomach plummeted.

  “I just did as you asked.”

  The hurt was there. Why was he suddenly hurting her when he’d been doing everything in his power to make her feel good?

  “Shit, Shawna, I’m so sorry,” he said.

  “Don’t be.” She picked up her bowl of ice cream. “Have fun tonight, Nate.”

  He should have stopped her from leaving, but he didn’t.

  * * *

  Shawna sat on her bed and flinched as the front door closed. Nate was gone, and when she looked at the time, she saw it was only a little after five. He’d looked so gutted when she told him the truth, which she didn’t get because he was the one who had told her that he didn’t want anyone to know.

  A text pinged through on her cell phone, and she clicked on the message. Nigel’s name showed on the screen. Opening up the message she saw that it had a selfie attached to it.

  She smiled as Nigel pointed at the bonfire, and several of his friends around him.

  It’s awesome! You should come.

  The invite had been sweet, but she had wanted to spend time with Nate more.

  Not 2night. Have fun. :)

  She added the smiley face, hoping no one would ask her what she was doing, or why she was missing a very important bonfire. She didn’t have a clue why she was doing it either.

  Looking back at the television, she picked up the plate of pasta and began eating once again.

  It was that time of the month, and when she had told Nate they couldn’t do anything, he’d still wanted to hang out. She was looking forward to hanging out with him. For a few days she had begun to believe that something more was developing between them. She didn’t know what that something more was, only that whenever she was near him, she felt it in her core. Only now, she was having doubts about her own thoughts and feelings. Maybe she was feeling something for him, but he only saw her as an easy lay.

  It’s fine.

  You don’t need him.

  It’s just a little fun.

  Twirling the pasta, she tried not to be sad at the thought of him only using her. She was using him just the same. When he had asked why they were keeping their relationship secret, she had a spark of hope, but there was no point in hoping.

  This was just a little fun. A high school fling that was going to be over before it had even begun.

  * * *

  “You have got to admit this is a rocking party,” Buster said, handing him a bottle of beer.

  Nate held it and pretended to have a sip of the drink, even though no beer got into his mouth.

  “It is.” He was bored fucking shitless.

  It was hard for him not to look down at his watch to see when he could leave. When he did, he saw he’d been there an hour, and already he felt like he’d been here half a fucking lifetime.

  “The girls are fucking late as usual. What exactly do they waste their time doing? I mean, it’s not like we care this late. It’s almost dark out, and I couldn’t give a fuck what they looked like. Besides, I can close my eyes and pretend it’s anyone.”

  Nate didn’t say anything, trying not to think of Shawna, sitting at home, alone. Fuck! He’d been looking forward to tonight for weeks. It wasn’t about sex either. No. With their parents gone they were going to snuggle up on the couch and watch television. They’d cook themselves some food, and it would be without the secrecy that he’d been hiding from their parents.

  Yes, he sneaked into her bedroom at night and held her close. When morning came, he sneaked right back to his room. There was no leisurely time in between. He wanted the other things. The kisses with morning breath, the chance to hold her hand walking downstairs, or even better, in high school.

  He was turning into a girl.

  “What has gotten into you, man?” Buster asked.

  “Huh?”

  “I’m talking to you about Rachel, and you’re not even there.”

  Rachel was one of the cheerleaders, and a friend to Amanda.

  “What about her?”

  “She hasn’t gone to the next step. We’ve done some serious heavy petting. Do you think she’s taking me for a ride? There are plenty of girls out there that will put out. I don’t want to sit around waiting for something she’s not going to give me.”

  Nate chuckled, and then stared at the ground. Buster was his best friend. He was exactly like Buster. The moment a girl got difficult, or started doing girly things, he was fucking gone, and now he was finding that kind of shit offensive.

  “Buster, do you like her? Rachel, I mean. Do you like her?”

  “She’s all right.”

  “Why the fuck are you with her, man?” Nate asked.

  “No other guy has been with her. Haven’t you noticed that? She’s like a fucking virgin of Ridge High School.”

  Nate was struggling to keep in his laughter right now. “The only reason you want her is because no one else has?”

  “Not at all. Look at Amanda, okay? No offense, man, but half the football team talk about her and what she does. I don’t want that. I’ve banged half the cheerleading squad, and she’s like, so nice.”

  It was an anomaly. Rachel was the nicest of the group.

  “Wow, this is, wow,” Nate said.


  He hadn’t drunk any of the beer, and like the others before it, he tossed it in the trash.

  “What’s going on with you, man?” Buster asked. “No bullshit. You’ve been different ever since Shawna moved in with you.”

  “You know her name,” Nate said.

  “Of course. I’m an asshole, but of course I know her name. She giving you a hard time?”

  He stared at Buster, and wondered if it was possible to tell his friend the truth.

  For a split second, he was about to cave and spill all of his thoughts and feelings. Then Amanda and her crew came walking through the woods. It was freezing outside, but all of them, apart from Rachel, were dressed in short skirts. To Nate, they looked fucking cold.

  Releasing a breath, he shoved his hands into his jacket pocket and watched.

  The rest of his team came to join around him, embracing the girls as they came toward them. Several of the guys grabbed the girls’ asses, and Nate shook his head. How had he been happy being this kind of asshole?

  That was exactly what he’d been. Buster sounded bad, but Nate had been worse.

  “Hello, stranger. I thought you had forgotten about us,” Amanda said, running her hands up his chest and circling his neck. He wasn’t interested, and after a few seconds, he grabbed her hands and removed them.

  “Yeah.”

  Amanda glared at him. “What is up with you?”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. Not for the first time he wondered how Shawna was doing. She was alone in their home, with no one there to keep her company.

  Amanda folded her arms. “Does this have to do with that fucking nerd living with you? Is she rubbing off on you now? You turning into a nerd?”

  “Leave Shawna out of this. She doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

  “Yeah, Amanda, leave him alone,” Buster said.

  “No, I’m not going to leave him alone. He’s been dumping our asses, and for what? Huh?”

  “You know what, Amanda? I don’t owe you anything, and the last time I checked, I didn’t have to clock in with all of you. If I do, you can fucking shove it.” He looked around at his friends. Some of them looked a little uncomfortable. “Fuck this.” He shoved past them and headed back toward his car.