Ashamed (The Family #3) Read online

  “Why?”

  “Tonio and Maria had an affair when they were younger. He wanted to run away with her, start a whole new life away from The Family. There was a time I thought he could do it. Where we could run and hide, pretend we weren’t who we were.”

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “Maria pretty much laughed at him. She didn’t want to start a life, risk having to work for a living. Dad had her married off within the year, and she had to start earning her living by taking a beating. She had a chance to have a normal life with my best friend, and she chose pain and greed over happiness.”

  Raine held his hand tightly. “Where is she now?”

  “She couldn’t deal with the guilt, and killed herself. She’s dead.”

  “You don’t seem cut up by it.”

  “I wasn’t. To be honest I always saw her as a pain in the ass. Someone that I had no choice but to deal with because she was too much of a fucking pain.”

  “I’m really sorry you felt that way.”

  “Yeah, well. We can’t exactly get the family we chose, can we?”

  “No, we can’t.” She released his hand, taking a sip of water. “So, moving on. If it wasn’t for your current position, what would you have liked to be?”

  “I’ll ask you the same question,” he said.

  “I know.”

  He leaned back in his chair, thinking about it. “A doctor.”

  “You’d like to help people. Cure them?”

  “Yes. Spilling blood is a job I don’t want to have to do. I’ve been born to do it, nurtured to do it. I have no enjoyment in it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry. I knew there was no turning back for me no matter how much I wanted it.” He stared into her brown eyes. “If I wasn’t taking lives, I’d want to help them. Take care of them, and fight the illness within their body for them.”

  She released a breath. “That’s really sweet, did you know that?”

  “I can be a sweet guy sometimes. Take away the crap with The Family, and what I’m forced to do. Look at me. Think about me, and what do you see?” he asked.

  “You want me to answer?”

  “Yes.”

  “I see a very confident, sexy guy,” she said.

  “Sexy, I like that, Raine. Want to know what I see when I look at you?”

  She averted her gaze, and shook her head. “No.”

  “I see a beautiful woman. An innocent woman who wants to get out and explore but can’t. I can help you with that.”

  “I’m sure you say that to all of the girls in your life.”

  “Only the good ones.”

  She fanned herself. “You’re talking dirty again.”

  “I’ve got to find some way of getting you naked again.”

  “Yeah, I still can’t get over the fact we’re sharing a bed, and we’ve shared a shower. We’re doing this whole dating thing backwards.”

  “Give me a time and a place, and I can really blow your world.”

  Her mouth parted, and he saw all the dirty thoughts playing inside her head as they were playing in his, too.

  “First, tell me, Raine, what would you like to be when you grow up?” he asked.

  “A lawyer.”

  “Oh, that does surprise me.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I imagined you saying you wanted to be a chef, or a nurse, or a hairdresser.”

  “Wow, talk about a little sexist there.”

  “I’ve never known you to have a love of the law.”

  “I don’t have a love of the law. Before my parents were killed they were in some kind of legal battle with the neighbors. I don’t know what it was or why. They were stressed about it all the time, and I remember thinking to myself that I could help them. If I knew the law, and knew what the hell I was doing, I could have found a way to help them. The law is about being understood, challenged, adapted, changed. I like a challenge. I also love cooking, but that’s what I’d have loved to be.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I took an online course, and law is complicated. Scarily so. It was crazy what I learned, and I realized that I didn’t have a place in law. I could want all I wanted.” She smiled. “I’m not cut out for that cutthroat world. I guess I’ll be a nurse or a hairdresser.”

  “Why not the chef?”

  “I like to cook for myself. I couldn’t deal with all of these people, and changing everything just to suit their needs. I’m not good with that stuff.” She shrugged. “We know a little more about each other.”

  “We do.”

  “What do you hate most about being who you are?” she asked.

  “You’re really hitting with the questions tonight.”

  “You can ask me anything. Whatever you want to ask, go right ahead.” She held her finger up. “After you answer mine.”

  Luiz stared at the blank table. They would have to order some food, as he was getting hungry. Taking a sip of his water, he thought about it.

  “The shame.”

  “Shame?”

  “Of knowing what I do, of what I’m forced to do. The Family, as you read, had to set examples. Some of them weren’t very good ones. I’ve been forced to hurt innocents, kill people for no reason other than they wanted to get out. They wanted freedom from the control.” Luiz ran a hand down his face. “There are times that I’m ashamed to look in the mirror because the man I see is not the man I wanted to become. This life, it has a great deal of advantages. When a drugged out whore is sobbing at your foot, begging for her life, and your father has a gun to your temple, telling you to end her … it takes time to come back from something like that.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Each of us, Donnie, Tonio, and Jake, over the years at our fathers’ hands, we lost something of ourselves. I believe that everyone has a natural way they are. Whether it be kind, or cruel, or helpful, they are destined to be those people. I think I was destined for something else, but fate put me in this path.”

  “That’s really deep,” she said.

  He snorted. “It’s the truth.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Luiz. You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “Good. Now, can I ask you some questions?” he asked.

  “What is that look in your eye? You’re planning something, aren’t you?” she asked.

  “I’m planning something that I’m more than sure you’re going to enjoy.”

  “Okay, ask away. I’m listening.”

  “You’ve never had sex.”

  She swallowed her water and immediately started coughing. Placing the glass down, she covered her mouth. “That’s what you want to ask me?”

  “I’m curious about you, about what you want.”

  “This is going to be embarrassing, isn’t it?”

  “No. Not at all. It’s not my intention to embarrass you.”

  She took a deep breath, and nodded. “Go. I’m ready for them.”

  “The kiss we shared. Was it your first?” he asked.

  “Yes. It was.”

  “What else have you done?”

  “Nothing. You know that. I’ve spent all of my life with Xander and with Christie. There wasn’t time for anything else.” She pushed away a stray curl.

  Paige had done wonders with Raine’s hair. She really was a beautiful woman, and he was a lucky guy.

  “Have you touched yourself?” he asked.

  “No. I’ve not. I’ve been on a couple of dates with Bradley, and whenever he went to kiss me, I always turned away. I didn’t feel comfortable. Can we change the subject?”

  “Would you like to have sex? To play around. To have fun.”

  She blew out a breath. “Yes, I would.”

  “Good.”

  ****

  The date with Luiz had been insightful, and at times sad. Raine knew more, and understood him a lot more now than she ever had before. Riding back to their apartment, she was awar
e of the mounting tension between them. Every time he touched her, she felt awakened. His questions had been as bad as she imagined they would be.

  Yes, she did want sex.

  She wanted to know what it was all about.

  Why there were so many books about it? Was it as good as they made it out to be?

  She was twenty-two years old, and still a virgin.

  Pulling up into the parking bay, she didn’t wait for Luiz to get her door. Raine climbed out, and by his side, they walked toward the elevator.

  Christie was spending the night with Paige and Donnie.

  The elevator doors opened, and she bit her lip. They stood together, and she watched him in the elevator to find his gaze was on hers. Neither of them was touching, and yet to Raine, it felt like he was stroking her with his gaze. The lust, the promise emanated from out of him, and she found it hard to ignore.

  She licked her lips, and Luiz moaned. “I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” he said.

  “Why?”

  He moved suddenly, and had her pressed against the corner of the elevator. Luiz cupped her face, and ran his thumb across her bottom lip. “So fucking plump, and so beautiful. You make me think of how good these would look wrapped around my cock, baby. I want you to suck me while I lick your sweet pussy.”

  “Luiz?”

  “Don’t be afraid. I’d never do anything you didn’t want, and I’m not hiding who I am anymore, what I want. I hid because I didn’t think you could handle me, but I know you. I know you’re strong, and you can handle anything, even me.”

  Luiz pressed his thumb against her lips, and slid inside. She sucked on his thumb, and moaned as he thrust his whole body against her. The hard ridge of his cock pressed against the front of her stomach, showing her exactly how hard he really was.

  The elevator doors pinged open, and he pulled away. This time, he grabbed her hand, and took her toward their apartment. The moment they were inside with the doors shut and locked, he had her pressed up against it. Her hands above her head as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.

  Raine closed her eyes, unable to fight his dominance, nor did she want to. She was completely surrounded by him, needed him more than she needed anything else.

  Heat flooded her panties, and she tried to press her thighs together to create some friction and to ease the pain.

  He wouldn’t let her.

  Luiz inserted a leg between thighs, stopping her.

  “Is your pussy nice and wet for me, baby?” he asked.

  She nodded. “I think so.”

  He kept her hands above her head, locked under one of his. With his other, he stroked down her body, gliding down her arm, over her breasts past her stomach, to her thigh. Using his fingers, he gathered up her skirt until he felt flesh. The moment his fingers touched her, she gasped out, unable to deny the eruption of pleasure from his touch.

  “You make me want to do some crazy things to you, baby.” He slid his hand between her thighs, and she cried out. His thumb pressed against her slit, rubbing across her panties and her swollen clit.

  “Your panties are soaked, baby. You want this, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  She’d never felt anything like it, and didn’t want it to end.

  With one yank on her panties, they tore, and he threw them away. “I think I like the thought of you not being allowed to wear panties again.” He cupped her once again, and his finger this time slipped between her folds.

  Luiz added a second finger and began to stroke her clit, rubbing her between the two digits.

  “I want to taste this pretty pussy. I want you to keep your hands up there, understand?” he asked.

  She nodded. She would do anything he asked just so long as he didn’t stop touching her. Her body was no longer her own, or at least it didn’t feel like it, not right now.

  Luiz released a hold on her body, and she watched as he sank to his knees before her. He lifted up one leg, and then his lips were on her body. She cried out his name, unable to believe the kind of pleasure that was coming from his lips.

  His tongue swept over her clit, going down to circle her entrance, and back up again. “I’m going to take that cherry, baby. I’m going to own it.”

  She believed him, and never doubted him for a second. He had complete control over her, and she let him have it as well.

  “So pretty,” he said. “So perfect.”

  Closing her eyes, she moaned as he sucked her clit into his mouth, using his teeth to create just enough pain to make the pleasure to the point of being unbearable.

  “Look at how swollen you are, and so wet. You’re all mine, Raine. You always were.”

  She knew he was right. There was no one else she could imagine being like this with.

  “Please,” she said.

  “Do you want to come, baby?”

  “Yes, I want to come. I want you, please, Luiz.”

  He used his fingers and his tongue, attacking her clit with both kinds of pleasure. It was too much, and she splintered apart. If it wasn’t for Luiz holding her, she would have collapsed.

  Luiz wouldn’t stop even as she begged him. Only when he was ready to stop, did he do so. He stood up, and she saw his lips glistening with her cream.

  “You taste amazing,” he said.

  “I want to have sex,” she said, blurting the words out. She hadn’t had any wine with dinner, or before, nor after.

  Raine had a clear head, and knew there was no such thing as a perfect time. It simply didn’t exist.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  Cupping his face, she kissed his lips, tasting herself on his tongue, and not caring. “I’m sure.”

  She let out a scream as he picked her up. “I can walk.”

  “I know you can. I want to carry you.”

  He entered their bedroom, and he placed her on the edge of the bed. She watched as he stood back, and pulled his shirt apart, spraying buttons everywhere. “I’ll pick them up later,” he said.

  “Oh, you’ll pick them up?”

  “We’ll have some fun picking them up together, how about that?”

  “I like that.” She wondered what kind of game he could have in mind. Then, she stopped thinking altogether. Luiz removed his gun, and placed it on the chair, before coming back toward her with his shirt completely off. “You keep throwing clothes in the trash, we’re going to be completely broke.”

  “I’ll worry about money. You just focus on me.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is, and you know it is.” He took her hands, pulling her back up. Luiz turned her to face the wall, and in the mirror across from the bed, she saw them both.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said.

  “You’re not so bad yourself.” She didn’t know how to handle his compliments, or if she even believed them. She wasn’t the prettiest woman in the world, and she didn’t mind that, not at all.

  The sound of the zipper at her back echoed around the room. It was almost deafening, giving her the chance with every second that past for her to put a stop to what was about to happen.

  She didn’t want to stop it.

  This was what she’d been craving for so long. Luiz’s touch. His arms wrapped around her.

  “You can make me stop at any time,” he said.

  “I don’t want you to stop.”

  He pushed the dress off her shoulders, and eased it down her body. She closed her eyes as the weight of the dress fell at her feet.

  Luiz banded his hand around her stomach. His lips grazed her shoulder. “Open your eyes.”

  She wasn’t slim, or smooth. She had lumps, bumps, and curves that drove her crazy. Dieting had always failed. She’d put weight on rather than lose it. After so long of hating her body, she’d finally grown to love herself. She wasn’t perfect, nor would she ever be. She was just herself, and she was happy with that.

  Opening her eyes, she stared into his. There was no mistaking that he liked what he s
aw. His cock pressed against the base of her back, and in the mirror she watched as his hands moved up to cup her breasts. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he asked.

  He sucked on her neck, and she whimpered.

  Her body erupted in goosebumps at his touch.

  Luiz cupped her breasts, and he tugged down the cups of her bra, exposing her tits to the air.

  “So pretty. So beautiful,” he said.

  This was so much better than anything she had imagined.

  Chapter Ten

  Raine’s tits were larger than he remembered. They spilled out of his hands, and her nipples were large, begging to be sucked. Her body was fuller, rounder, designed to take a man as big as he was. His cock was so damn hard that it was hurting him.

  All he wanted to do was throw her to the bed and ravish her body. Take what he wanted without a second thought. He forced himself to hold back. He needed to take his time. Raine was a virgin. He’d already given her a couple of firsts. Her first kiss. Her first orgasm. He was going to be the first man to make love to her, to fuck her, to take her every which way he could, and to give her even more.

  They were bound together, and there was no chance of them coming apart. This was their future. He didn’t find it a curse, but a relief.

  Staring in the mirror, he watched as her head fell against his shoulder, and she moaned.

  “Do you like that, baby?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m going to take off your bra.”

  “What about you?” she asked. “I’ll be completely naked.”

  Luiz flicked the catch of her bra, and removed the offending item. He wanted her completely bare without anything between them. Stepping away from her, he watched as she turned toward him, and he kept his gaze on hers, and removed his pants.

  He winced as he moved the zipper down past his cock.

  “Have you hurt yourself?” she asked.

  “No. I’m just hard, baby. It makes it a little difficult.” The moment he removed his pants, he felt a lot better.

  Raine’s eyes went wide as she looked at him. He stared down at his stiff cock, seeing that the tip had already started to leak pre-cum. Wrapping his fingers around the length, he covered the head in the cream, and slicked the rest of his cock.