... and Forever (Next Generation: Chaos Bleeds Book 1) Read online

  “You know, if he’s Ryan’s, then he has a right to—” He didn’t get a chance to finish what he was saying. She was done hearing him. Hearing all of this bullshit, and so she wrapped her fingers around his thick neck.

  In the past five years, Luke had gotten taller, bigger, more muscular. He was fitting right in with his club.

  “You don’t get to say his name to me. Understand? Nathan is mine. No one else’s. He is mine. He is my blood. My son.” Tears filled her eyes.

  “I would help you if you let me, Tabs. You know that. You know I’m here for you, always.”

  She gritted her teeth and pulled her hand away. “And I’ve told you every single time that you offer, no. I don’t want you, Luke. I’m not going to allow you to think there’s a chance for you. I’m not yours. I will never be yours.”

  “You’re still saving yourself for him?” he asked. “After all this time, you still think he’s coming back?”

  As she stepped back, her heart shattered into a million pieces. “He’s coming back.”

  “And after all this time, you’re going to forgive him? The Skulls and Chaos Bleeds handled this shit. The Monster Dogs covered this as well. We’re all in this together and you’re telling me, what? All is forgiven? He could have come back by now, but he’s still gone.”

  She tilted her head to the side and stared at him. “Do you really want his castoffs? Is that it? You see me and you, and you think we can, what? Be friends, be together? So what if Simon never comes back. You’d be happy being second best? Knowing that the moment he did come to town, he was where my heart truly lied.”

  Some people believed she was cold by telling him exactly how this was going to go down. She wasn’t. The truth hurt, and rather than let Luke continue to believe there was even the merest hint of a chance with the two of them, she cut him down.

  He deserved to find someone who could love him for him.

  She would never love him.

  One day, there might be a chance to fall in love with him, but again, it wouldn’t be the same. Her heart belonged to Simon, and being with anyone else just wouldn’t cut it.

  “I will always go to him, always.” She turned her back on him and went into the store. It was time to take her son home to allow him to get well.

  ****

  “You’re baking,” Anthony said.

  Daisy looked up and shrugged. “You’re pointing out the obvious.”

  “I heard what happened.”

  “Of course you did. It if wasn’t down to a couple of prospects, I’m sure Rachel had a fun time sharing, or was it Darcy this time?”

  “I heard my parents talking.”

  “Right, of course, yes. You have those.” Daisy pounded the cookie dough, anger rushing through her body.

  “Why are you so mad?”

  “I’m trying to bake here and you’re distracting me. Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” she asked.

  His brow went up.

  “Of course not. That would be easier for me to be pissed at something.”

  “You’re cursing out loud. I know something’s up.”

  She slammed the bowl to the surface and gripped the edge of the table. The Skulls’ clubhouse had a large kitchen. For as long as she could remember, this place had been her home, her family. Every single year, the old ladies would gather together, cook up a whole lot of food to feed everyone. If some of the nomad crew stopped by, they’d be right there, enjoying it with them. Her mother though, Lacey, she didn’t cook. The one time she was allowed to cook something, she set it on fire and Whizz came to the rescue to put it out. No one was injured but Lacey had merely been allowed to taste test. She was too much of a hazard to be left alone in the kitchen.

  Brushing the back of her hand across her brow, she shook her head. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “So deal with it. People lie all the time and we have to put up with it. It’s the way of the world, remember?”

  “It’s not like you to lie.”

  “Well, it’s not like me to have to deal with everything I have to. I’m adapting.”

  “You’re pissed off.”

  She growled, glaring at him. “What do you want?”

  “I want you to get it off your chest. I know it builds up inside you until you explode and when that happens. it’s not good.”

  She took a deep breath. “It’s Tabs.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why ask?”

  “You need someone to get it off your chest. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She picked up the wooden spoon. Baking usually helped to relax her. It wasn’t doing that. Far from it.

  Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sighed. “It has been five years, Anthony. Five years. I know something happened to make all the sticky details of Ryan’s death go away. I get it. He shouldn’t be hiding. He should be right back here with her, but still, he’s being selfish, doing what he wants to do, while we have to continue to pick up the pieces.”

  “Are you pissed that he’s not dealing with her, or that we have to?” he asked.

  “I don’t know and that’s what is so frustrating to me.” She dropped the spoon and stepped away from the dough. “I don’t even know if I want him to come back. He doesn’t deserve her. She’s twenty-three years old and hasn’t been on a single date. It has always been Simon and where is he now? Where was he when she went through all that crap? You and me. We’ve been the ones to keep her together. Miles as well. Us.”

  “She’s ours, Daisy. You know this.”

  “But what if he comes here, and she doesn’t get angry? What if she forgives him easily?”

  “And you don’t want her to?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “He did what he did, and how he created all this mess and then he just left, like it was no big fucking deal. Tabs has been through enough. If he truly loved her, he wouldn’t have left, and it makes me so mad because deep down, I know she’ll forgive him. They’re soul mates.” She shook her head and turned, needing some air. Opening the door, she stepped out into the night, bending over, putting her hands to her knees, and taking big gulps of air. Once, twice, three times.

  Anthony followed her. He placed a hand on her back, and she kept on taking big gulps of air.

  “It’s going to be okay.”

  “You keep saying that, but I don’t see it. I really don’t. He has no right to her, or to Nathan. He just left.”

  Anthony pulled her into his arms. “We’re going to be here for her. We always are.”

  “But will she listen to us?”

  “Tabitha will always make her own choices. You know this. We’re her friends. It’s our job to keep her up when she falls. It’s all we can do.”

  Chapter Two

  Tabitha wiped at her brow. Sweat still slid into her eyes but she wasn’t going to stop until every single weed was out of her garden path. She hated weeds; they always made her lawn untidy.

  Sitting back onto her feet, she brushed the dirt off her gloves and rested her hands on her thighs, watching her son.

  Nathan sat near a flower bed, digging into the soil and planting the flower bulbs she’d picked up at the florist the other day.

  I can’t believe I’m actually gardening.

  This was a far cry from the days of fighting and running around causing trouble. Tomorrow, she’d be taking him to the fair. He was excited about it. She hadn’t been back to see Daisy since their cross words and she wasn’t in a rush to go see how happy her best friend was.

  Her back ached a little from being bent over for so long. Gardening helped her to pass the time. It gave Nathan time outside and she got a pretty decent-looking front yard out of it. She’d been blessed with an adorable kid.

  “Do you want me to get you some lemonade, Mommy?” Nathan asked.

  “Of course. I’d love it. Can you reach?”

  “Yep, and I will only use the unbreakable glasses.”

  She chuckled
as he quickly brushed his hands and rushed inside. She’d be lucky if he remembered to wash his hands.

  Getting stuck back in, she gave the dandelion weed she was currently fighting a nice big tug, grunting as she did.

  She looked up as a large, somewhat wrinkled hand wrapped around the weed and pulled as if it was nothing more than a tiny little weed that hadn’t gotten a chance to grow.

  Tiny, her father, smiled down at her as he threw it into the pile of other dandelions. “I’ve got to say, I didn’t exactly see you as the gardening type.”

  “We’re all so very different.”

  “That’s true.” He glanced toward the house.

  “Nathan is getting me a drink,” she said. She pressed down the mud on the patch and hoped the grass would grow over the nice little indent she’d created. Once done, she stood and glanced up at her father. He was always so much taller than her. “What are you doing here?”

  “That’s not a nice way of saying hi to your father.”

  She chuckled. “Dad, in the past four years of me living here, you’ve rarely come around for a visit. What gives?”

  He sighed. “I was just looking forward to visiting with my daughter. Is that such a shock?”

  “Not a shock. You normally have better things to do.”

  “Now you’re being hurtful.”

  “I’m telling you the truth. It sucks, doesn’t it?” She reached down, picked up the now-dead leaves, and carried them toward the compost bin. She was doing everything she could for the environment. Composting, avoiding plastics, eating healthy. Nathan liked to do his part for the planet as well. It was their little adventure. For every plastic not bought, or at least recycled, was another that didn’t end up in landfills or the ocean. One day her son wanted to be a pirate, but a good one. The kind that went around helping sea life out of man-made products. It was where he was going to find himself a nice mermaid and marry her.

  It was one of her son’s many dreams and as usual, she didn’t have the heart to tell him mermaids didn’t actually exist. She hoped he’d go to high school, see a sweetheart who she’d hate, and they’d take it from there.

  “Grandpa!” Nathan let out a squeal as he ran out of the house. Of course, he didn’t pay any attention to the lemonade he spilled over the side of the glass.

  Tabitha took both glasses out of her son’s hands, laughing at how little was in them as he threw himself at Tiny.

  Her father wrapped his arms around him and held him close. This moment was always a double-edged sword for her. She loved that Tiny had gotten over his issues with Nathan, but at the same time, it reminded her of how he wasn’t accepted in the early years of his life. She doubted he would be if it was left to other club members. This was why Angel deserved the right to be the President’s wife. She was an amazing woman.

  There was a time she truly thought Angel was a little too weak to play the role by Lash’s side. Now, though, she saw the inner strength in the other woman and was glad for it. Even her own mother hadn’t been quite so accommodating with Nathan. Still, that was for her to know, not Nathan.

  “You’re dirty.”

  “I’ve been gardening.”

  “Your mom’s got you out here gardening?”

  “Yep. We’ve got to make it all look pretty so the bees come. We’re helping the bees.”

  Tabitha chuckled. “And you’re doing a wonderful job. I’m going to go and fill up our glasses. Head around the back for me. You know I don’t like you out here all alone.”

  “Okay, Mommy.” Nathan wriggled out of Tiny’s arms, made a dash for his little gardening bag, and headed toward the fence. He reached the string, gave it a tug, and the gate opened.

  She walked over, locking it before heading into the house. Her father followed close behind.

  “This must be a very important visit if I’m going to have your company for a lot longer than a few minutes. I’m going to fire up the grill. You want something?”

  “Is it real meat or that fake stuff?”

  She laughed again. Ever since she and Daisy agreed to not eat meat, she’d never gone back. Of course, there were plenty of options at the supermarket. Nathan happened to love them as well, so she never bought actual meat.

  “It’s the fake stuff that you love.” A couple of years ago, Angel got fed up with all the guys complaining about how difficult she and Daisy were being. At a clubhouse cookout, she served them all plant-meat, and well, they were all shocked into loving it. Of course, Adam, the British member, said he could tell the difference. They all knew he was lying.

  Tiny snorted. “I’d love to stay.”

  “Great, I’ve got potato salad and macaroni salad as well. Both are going to be delicious.” She headed to the kitchen, putting the glasses into the bowl of water and washing them. She always kept a bowl full, ready to wash anything.

  Having an accident-prone son, she was always cleaning up his messes. Again, it wasn’t something she minded doing. She’d also learned to have a medical kit of Band-Aids and antibacterial wipes just in case. He liked to scrape his knees, knock up his elbows, and the worst was bruising his cheek from falling down on a toy. That one had scared the hell out of her.

  Tiny pulled out a chair at the table. She filled up three glasses, handing one to her father before taking the other out to the small table for Nathan, who drank it in a few gulps and disappeared again back into one of the flower beds.

  From the kitchen, she could keep an eye on him.

  She’d drained the potatoes for the salad and had allowed them to cool down while she’d been out in the garden. Taking out some celery, herbs, and dressing ingredients, she got to chopping them up as Tiny sat at the chair.

  “Dad, you may as well come out with it, whatever it is.”

  “Simon.”

  She paused in her cutting. “What about him?”

  “He’s been seen.”

  “Of course he has.” In the past five years, there had been a few rare sightings of the man who’d crushed her heart. She tried not to think of just how painful that moment had been when he’d walked away from her. She didn’t want to think about it or remember it. That night would forever be one of the worst of her existence.

  She finished chopping, putting her ingredients into a bowl. Angel was all about the measuring, whereas she liked to just go with the flow. No measuring. Going by eye and taste. She added the mayonnaise, a few dashes of vinegar, and her personal favorite, some pickles, which she’d diced up.

  She poured all the potatoes into a bowl and gave it a nice big stir, making sure everything was evenly covered.

  It looked lovely and she took a bite. Closing her eyes, she was happy.

  Next, the macaroni salad.

  “Honey, are you even going to listen to me?”

  She went to the fridge, finding the rest of the ingredients for the next salad, and paused to look at him. “Why do I need to listen to you? So he’s been seen again. There’s nothing you guys are going to do about it. The first year he was gone, I begged you to go and find him, and you refused.”

  “It wasn’t like that. We were still dealing with the fallout of him killing—”

  “Don’t say his name.” She held up her hand for him to stop.

  “Honey, have you ever considered going to therapy?”

  She burst out laughing. “When I go and talk to a bunch of people I don’t know to tell them about my pain? No, thank you.”

  “You’ve never spoken to anyone about what happened.”

  “Because I don’t need to. I don’t need to do any of this.” She put the tomatoes and cucumbers on the counter.

  After pulling out a fresh bowl, along with the jar of olives, she got to work chopping, trying to ignore the pain in her body.

  Simon was once again seen.

  She’d spent way too much time hoping it meant he was coming back to her. There had been so many nights she’d lain awake hoping and wishing. A few sounds of a bike’s engine had filled her with excitem
ent but nothing had come. She’d stopped expecting a long time ago.

  “You went through a lot.”

  “I know. I went through a lot. I dealt with it. No one needs to talk their feelings to death, Dad. I’ve got a handle on all of this.”

  She dropped the diced tomatoes and cucumbers into a bowl, more herbs and mayo. She couldn’t think of what else to put in it, and so she added the pasta, stirred, tasted, and then remembered some cheese.

  Grabbing a pack of pre-grated, she tipped the contents into the bowl, gave another stir, and then she was done.

  “Don’t walk away from me,” Tiny said.

  “Dad, I’m not walking away. I’ve got a son to take care of. I don’t need to go thinking about stories of my husband. Believe me, it’s … I just need to focus on Nathan. That’s all I need right now and you and Mom should be happy about that. Why aren’t you?”

  “We know you’re hurting.”

  She licked her lips. “Look, I spent way too much time hoping for him to come back. Simon’s got his own life now and so have I. I’ve got a son I love more than anything. My life isn’t so complicated. I work. I take care of him. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not living at all. All you’re doing is getting from one day to the next.”

  “And it’s working. I don’t need anything else. Not right now. Please, don’t make me think about more of this.”

  “We could reach out.”

  She shook her head. “No. If you were going to reach out, you’d have done it years ago. Now it’s just, it’s sad. That’s what it is. I don’t need Simon. I never did. I’m not waiting around for him anymore.”

  “So does that mean you’re dating someone?”

  “Is that what all of this is about?” she asked. “Me dating?”

  “What if your mom and I set you up with someone?” Tiny asked.

  “No.”

  “Come on. It will then give us peace of mind that you are fine here.”

  “My word means nothing?”

  “Your word does mean a great deal.”

  She laughed. “I can’t believe this. You do realize in my entire life I’ve only been on one date. That’s all. One.”