Ashamed (The Family #3) Read online

“Okay, what if it was you, and I offered you sex, and it was before Donnie?” he asked.

  “I really don’t feel comfortable answering this.”

  “Please.”

  “Fine. I wouldn’t have been interested in you, Luiz. I’m not attracted to you.”

  Luiz wasn’t attracted to her either. “Okay, fine. How about this? Say the girl is the younger sister of the girl he was actually with, and he had a kid with this girl?”

  “The younger sister?” Paige asked.

  “No, the older sister, only something terrible happened. Younger sister has been watching the kid, and she was too young to know better, and I, I mean he, offered her everything.”

  “Sex?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is the younger sister like?” Paige asked, yawning.

  Donnie was going to be on his case, but he just needed advice, and the only person he knew who could give him that kind of advice was Paige.

  Luiz smiled as he thought about Raine. “She’s smart, sweet, loving. She’s dedicated to helping to raise my—I mean his—kid.”

  “Are we talking about you, Luiz?”

  “No, it’s my dream.”

  “Look, I don’t know who this dream girl is, and frankly, I think it’s cruel to keep her from finding her own chance at love. You’re offering yourself, or your dream you, or whatever, is making yourself seem like it’s a sacrifice to be with this person. That’s not fun for anyone, nor is it fair.”

  “What—”

  “Luiz, it’s late, and I’m really, really tired. You’re confusing me, and I don’t think I can help you. This doesn’t sound like a dream to me.”

  Before he could stop her, she had already hung up the phone, and he groaned. Great, just great. He was back to square one again, and there was no way he was going to get any damn answer.

  He didn’t like Raine going on a date, and he didn’t care how nice the guy was. She belonged to him, and he wasn’t very good at sharing. He wouldn’t share her.

  ****

  Entering the kitchen, Raine saw that Luiz was already at the coffee pot. The music was on, and someone was belting out an old classic. Luiz hadn’t heard her yet, and he was dancing, which she had never seen before. She couldn’t recall if he’d ever been in such a good mood to dance. Leaning against the doorframe, she folded her arms, and watched him as he sang into the spoon.

  His voice was awful. She looked down his body seeing him in a pair of jeans, and green shirt. It shouldn’t have worked, yet it did. The clothes suited him, and he looked somewhat normal. Again, it was a strange thing, but she could live with it.

  “I wouldn’t quit your day job,” she said, entering the kitchen. She went toward the cups and pulled one down.

  “I didn’t hear anyone come in.”

  “That’s fine. Christie watching cartoons?” she asked.

  “Yeah. She came and got me up, jumping around excitedly.”

  She chuckled. “That’s Christie. She loves it when you come around. She misses you.”

  “I miss her, too. All the time.”

  Spooning some instant coffee into her cup, she tried to ignore the tingles that rushed through her entire body from being close to him. That kiss last night had made her cry, but she was attracted to him, and that made it harder for her. He was only trying to keep her in line, and she didn’t want that. Luiz didn’t feel the same for her as she did for him, and she had to live with that. She had already been living with that.

  “Have you ever thought of taking her with you?” she asked.

  “I can’t do that.”

  “The threat is always going to be there, and she misses you. She’s seven in a few days, Luiz. She should be with her father.” Pouring hot water onto the coffee, she gave it a stir, and took a seat at the counter.

  “You’re not going to add milk?” he asked.

  “I can do without the calories.” After last night’s dinner, she had made a new vow to go on a diet. She had been self-conscious last night. Not that she would ever tell Xander or Luiz that. Her love of food had never changed, not in the past few years, which sucked.

  “You’re fine.”

  “Thanks.” Great. She was fine.

  He’d forced himself to kiss her, and she didn’t want to think about what else he actually planned to make himself do, to keep her in line.

  “I can’t bring Christie into this world.”

  “Your father tried to kill her.”

  “And he took your whole family.”

  “You’re her father, and I think you need to consider that future for her. She’s going to want answers. She’s not going to be the adorable little girl for much longer, who likes a toy, and she’ll shut up. One day soon, she’s going to want answers. What are you going to do then?” she asked.

  She had tried not to think about it, but Christie’s questions were becoming more prying. Where did her daddy go? Why did Daddy have to go? What did Daddy do? Why couldn’t she have friends over?

  “Raine’s right,” Xander said. “We didn’t really think this through, and if we’re not careful, it’s going to bite us in the ass.”

  “No one knows about you, and that’s the way I want it to stay.”

  Raine sighed. “If that’s what you want.”

  She took her coffee, and walked into the sitting room, taking a seat on the sofa. Christie was sitting on the floor, eating some cereal, and watching the cartoons.

  “Do you love him?”

  “Of course I do. He’ll take care of me, Raine. I’ll be protected.” Lora touched her stomach. “I’m so happy.”

  A flash of pain rushed through her. She would do anything for her niece, anything.

  “I’ve finished,” Christie said.

  “Take it into the kitchen, and then go and get dressed.”

  Sipping the dark liquid, Raine wrinkled her nose at the bitter taste.

  “I think we should talk,” Luiz said, coming into the room.

  “There’s nothing for either of us to talk about. You don’t have to worry about me thinking you’re offering anything.” She smiled at him, even though it was the last thing she felt. There was no happiness, not really.

  They were all waiting for Luiz to come back, to pay a visit for their lives to move on. Only now it wasn’t going to move on. They were all going to stay in the same world forever. Waiting for him to arrive, and play with them, until he grew bored.

  It was how it was starting to feel.

  “I’ve got to head back.”

  “Of course you do.” And that didn’t hurt at all. Liar!

  “I don’t want you to go on another date with Bradley.”

  “I’m sure you don’t.” She didn’t know why she felt so angry, but it was so strong, and so instant. Gripping the cup tightly, she gritted her teeth, and tried to think of the good this was all doing. Christie was growing up in a semi-normal environment. Wasn’t she?

  “It’s good for Christie.”

  “Please, leave me alone, Luiz. Go back to your life, and we’ll be waiting here for our next lot of instructions. That’s what you do, right? Instruct, order? Stuff like that.”

  “You’re pissed at me.”

  “Wouldn’t you be at me?” She shook her head. “Forget it.”

  “Talk to me, Raine.”

  “No. I don’t want to talk to you. You’d just brush my concerns away. Go, and do whatever you need to do. Xander and I, we can fix it. Believe me.” They had been doing it for so long that it was almost second nature. “Go!”

  Luiz hesitated for a second, and then turned to go. She closed her eyes, waiting for the door to close, and of course it did, like so many times before.

  When the car was gone, she went back into the kitchen to find Xander sitting at the counter.

  “You okay, baby girl?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.” She poured the coffee down the sink, noticing that her hands were shaking. She didn’t want to think about how fucked up this whole situation was. “He’
s going to fuck up, and all of this is going to bite him on the ass. You know that, right?”

  “I know it. You know it. He doesn’t think it will happen. We’ve just got to keep doing what we do best.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Picking up the pieces every time he leaves.” Xander opened his arms, and she went into them. Every time Luiz went away, he took a part of her with him, and he didn’t even know it. Xander could clearly see that she had feelings for Luiz, and hiding them was the hardest thing she ever had to do. When Luiz was around, he made her forget about all of her troubles, and made her believe for a short time that her life could go back to being normal.

  “Will it ever get easier?” she asked.

  “I hope so, kid, for your sake.”

  Chapter Four

  Three weeks later

  “You’ve been acting weird,” Tonio said.

  Luiz ignored his friend, and looked over the books from several of the brothels and fighting rings they had in town. Nothing had changed, not really. The only difference between now, and seven years ago was the fact he didn’t have to answer to his father, and people were now afraid of him.

  “Donnie told us about your late night call,” Jake said.

  He didn’t know why his friends had descended on him this late Friday night, but he was intent on ignoring them, getting the books done, doing the rounds, and then making his way toward Christie and Raine. Three weeks had already passed since he last saw his little girl. Raine had avoided him as well, which he hated. He didn’t like this tension between them, and it was all his fault.

  “Do you have a girl waiting around for you?” Tonio asked.

  “Can nothing be fucking sacred anymore?” he asked, glaring at his two friends.

  “Not when you’ve been different,” Donnie said, entering the room, and turning off his cell phone.

  Jake turned his cell off.

  “Seriously? How old are you two?”

  “Old enough to know something is wrong with our best friend, and you are. You’re at least one of our best friends,” Jake said.

  “I’m not in the mood for this. I’ve got a lot of work, and I’ve got somewhere to be.”

  “It has been three weeks, and even Paige is mentioning how absent you’ve been,” Donnie said. “What’s wrong, man?”

  Luiz wasn’t interested in talking.

  “I’ve got work to do.”

  “It’s going to be there for you tomorrow. What’s wrong?”

  He closed his eyes and tried to stem the anger that was building inside him. He was so angry. So pissed off. Infuriated.

  Thinking about Raine’s face, the anger in her eyes, and how heartbroken she’d been, it tore him up inside.

  “Back off, Donnie.”

  “All you’re doing is working, man. We’re worried,” Tonio said. “This is not like you. You’ve not visited us, or hung out.”

  “I’m busy.”

  “Too busy for your friends.”

  He’d had enough. “You want to know why I’m not hanging around?” he asked. “It’s because nothing has fucking changed.” Slamming his hand down on the desk, he stood and glared at Donnie. “We had a plan, Donnie. We had a big fucking plan, and guess what, we’re not going to get a chance to see it through. We were fucking fools.”

  “We can still live our life the best we can, Luiz.”

  “Bullshit. We can’t do anything, and you fucking know it.” Picking up the file, he threw it at Donnie, and papers fell out, covering the floor. “We’re always looking over our shoulders. There’s always a threat of someone taking from us, threatening us. This is why we can’t lead normal lives, we’re always waiting for the next fucking threat, and I didn’t sign on for this shit.”

  “You think any of us signed on for this? You think we want to be constantly in this fight? I’ve got a family, Luiz. So has Tonio. We all know the risks, and yet we’re still fighting today, to keep on working, to keep on living to make sure we can still have a fucking life.” Donnie reached down, grabbing the paperwork. “We were born into this life. We are the ones that drew the unlucky straw here, and I get it. I do.”

  “You don’t get fuck-all.”

  Luiz walked around his desk, and headed toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” Donnie asked.

  “I’m going to work, because right now I think I’ll say something I’ll regret.” He stormed out of his office, and released a breath as he got into his car and was able to shut out all of those doubts.

  Pulling out of the office, he reached out to his cell phone, and dialed Xander’s number as he drove toward the first brothel. There was no chance of him going to his little girl. The last thing he wanted to do was to go to Christie when he stank of sex and desperation. He didn’t want his job to touch her.

  She had to stay innocent for as long as possible.

  “Hello,” Xander said.

  “Hey, how is everyone?”

  “They’re fine.”

  “Christie?” he asked.

  “She’s … fine.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “She’s upset. She had hoped that you would be at her school today as it was ‘bring your father to school’ day.”

  “Fuck, I completely forgot that. I’m sure there were other kids that didn’t have a dad there.”

  “Actually, there weren’t. She’s a little upset.”

  “Will you put her on the phone?” Luiz asked. He should have been there. He was missing everything, and as he thought about what he’d missed, he hated what he was doing. Raine was right.

  “She doesn’t want to come, Luiz, I’m afraid.”

  “Crap. Can you tell her how sorry I am?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “This is happening, isn’t it?”

  “Again, what did you expect to happen?” Xander asked. “It seems that you’re always making decisions here, Luiz, but you’re never here when it actually matters.”

  “I know. Fuck, I know. Is Raine there?”

  There was silence, and then he heard some muttering. “Raine can’t come to the phone right now.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “She’s busy washing her hair. I’m sorry, Luiz. I’ve got to go. We’re having a movie night.”

  “No more dates for Raine?”

  “She’s been on a couple because I’ve asked her to. I’ve got to go, Luiz. Bye.”

  Before Luiz could say anything, he cursed, and slammed his hand against the steering wheel. He was so pissed off and angry at himself, and at Raine. She didn’t need to go with anyone else. He was right here for her. Didn’t she realize that? He was happy to give her whatever she needed, and it didn’t have to be awkward.

  Pulling up outside of the first brothel, he stared at the building, which had men going inside and coming out. His cell phone went off again, and he checked the screen to see that it was Donnie.

  Picking it up, he ran a hand down his face. “What’s up?” he asked.

  “I know you’re pissed off. I know you’re angry with us. With me.”

  “It’s … nothing. I should have known we wouldn’t be able to do this. It’s fine. It really is.”

  It wasn’t. He was struggling between his responsibility with his daughter, and his best friends. He had to make a decision.

  The more he actually thought of having Christie and Raine with him, it sounded like a really good idea. He couldn’t think of having one without the other. Raine was just as important to him as Christie was, and having one without the other was out of the question.

  “I need you to be focused, Luiz. I hate to be an asshole here, but our enemies are always there.”

  “I thought we killed all of them.”

  “That’s the thing about enemies, they are everywhere, and it’s next to impossible to get rid them all. Someone will get through the cracks, and we all have to be careful if that ever happens.”

  “We can never leave, can we?”


  “No, we can’t. We have a job to do. All of us have a responsibility here. We were young and foolish to think we can walk away. Death is our only way out,” Donnie said.

  “What about our families, Donnie?” he asked. None of them knew that he had just as much to lose as everyone else.

  He had a little girl who was almost taken from him before. He didn’t want to think of life without her.

  “We protect them together. Unlike our parents, we band together. We know our parents only put up with each other. We’re partners in this. We’ll fight to the bitter end.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “I’m supposed to, right? It’s what I’m trying to do.”

  For the first time Donnie sounded tired, weary, and fed up.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I just, I don’t want to be fighting with my best friends for this to work, you know? I love you guys like you were my own brothers,” Donnie said.

  “You’ll always have us, that I can promise you.”

  “You sure you don’t need to talk to me about anything? I’m here if you need me.”

  “I’m sure. I can handle everything, I promise.”

  After another few minutes, Luiz closed his cell, turning it off. They had enemies everywhere. Was there a chance that any of them were watching him? Watching his family? He’d killed everyone who knew about Christie and Raine. There wasn’t a chance of them being killed, he hoped.

  ****

  One week later

  Raine laughed at Bradley’s joke. Xander had arranged for her to go out again, and of course they had both gone to the fair. She wished she had been able to bring Christie, but neither of them wanted to cause any trouble with Luiz. He had every right to have a say in his daughter’s upbringing. She had done everything she could to forget about the one kiss she’d had with Luiz. It didn’t help that the kiss had fed her erotic dreams, and now it always went further in her dreams.

  “You’re funny.”

  “Not really. Just stating a fact. You know, Xander and Christie could have come as well. We could have made this a whole family thing.”

  “It’s fine. Christie’s … not feeling well.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  Christie hadn’t been feeling well since her father had forgotten to go to her school. She hated seeing her little niece all heartbroken, and it was Luiz’s fault.