Ashamed (The Family #3) Read online

  “What you need to think about is why it hurts you so much.”

  “It doesn’t hurt me.”

  “You’re lashing out, wanting to piss me off, Luiz. That’s new, even for you. What the hell is going on? Just the other week you were telling me how the end of The Family was coming. You were prepared to take Christie into your life, and keep her there. What’s changed?”

  “The Family has changed. That’s what.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Luiz checked to make sure his baby girl couldn’t hear him. “Donnie called us all into the office today. If we don’t continue to take over, there will be others determined to take our place.”

  “So? Didn’t you boys think of that?”

  “I thought of it. I figured I wouldn’t care.”

  “The only way someone will be able to take over from The Family, and to come to power, would be to hand over all four of your bodies. The moment you killed your parents, and slaughtered your enemies, you made yourself the target, Luiz.”

  “I know that now. I don’t need this shit with Raine.”

  “You care about her?”

  “She’s my daughter’s auntie. Of course I care.”

  Xander shook his head. “I’ll let you be delusional. I don’t have the energy to fight with you, and it’s incredibly boring to do so. Just know that life is short, and you know what you want, Luiz. Stop fighting it.”

  Rolling his eyes, Luiz took a seat at the kitchen counter. “What’s the kid’s name?”

  “Bradley. He’s a good boy, and he’s had his eye on Raine for a while. She was worried you would think she was breaking your rules.”

  “Only you.”

  “You’re telling me that when you look at Raine, you don’t feel anything?” Xander asked.

  “What do you feel?” Luiz answered with his own question.

  Seven years he’d been part of Raine’s world. She was there to listen to him, to guide him when it came to his little girl.

  “I feel protective of her. She has been amazing, Luiz. You should realize that.”

  “I know she has given everything up for herself. I appreciate that. I really do.”

  “You do?” Xander asked.

  “Of course. Lora would want me to take care of her.”

  Xander scoffed. “You’re an idiot.”

  Luiz ignored the insult. “Can I stay the night?” He was only going to drop in, but now he wanted to stay, spend some time, and find out what the hell was going on with Raine.

  “You know it is, and I know why you’re staying.”

  “Bite me, Xander. I’m not in the mood.”

  “Go ahead. Go and get settled in. I’ll try and not burn the sixth batch of brownies.”

  Leaving Xander in the kitchen, Luiz made his way upstairs, toward the back of the house where his room was. Christie and Raine’s room was beyond his. He made sure they were together so that he would have time to deal with any threat. When he brought them here, he’d made Raine go through several practice runs in case they were ever attacked. There was an escape for her only, and he made sure it was hidden so no one could use it to actually get in. Pausing at his room, he glanced at Raine’s door.

  What could it hurt to go into her room? The house was his anyway. He simply allowed them all to live here. All the bills were paid by him. Even though the house was in Xander’s name, everything came down to Luiz.

  Seeing no reason to not go into her room, he stepped toward her door, and without another thought, opened the door.

  Raine’s room was a pale peach color, and the instant he entered, the scent of cinnamon filled his senses. She loved cinnamon, and used it in as much baking as she could.

  He’d never been a big fan of the spice until Raine converted him with a coffee-style cake.

  Closing the door, he moved toward her bed and looked around. The room was bare of any personal touches. No posters on the wall, or photos. The only photo he saw was a single one by the side of her bed. He knew the photo as he had one himself, locked away in his safe back at home. It was a rare photo of all four of them taken one Christmas two years ago. Raine had wanted it taken so badly. She’d forced them all into a small spot, and they were all so happy to be there. Christie was on his lap, Raine perched on the chair, and Xander was behind them all, watching over them.

  It was a powerful photo, even to him.

  This was a dream he’d had many times.

  All four of them, able to live in peace.

  It would be so simple to take them all back to his world, but Xander wanted no part in it, not anymore.

  Xander had once been his bodyguard when he was a baby. During an attack, Xander had lost everything, his wife, his kids, and nearly his life. If it hadn’t been for Luiz finding him years later, without his father knowing, Xander would have probably been six feet under by now.

  He shouldn’t be in this room.

  Luiz left, and he didn’t want to think about Raine, or the pain that he was experiencing knowing she was on a date.

  It was an entirely new sensation, and not one he liked.

  ****

  Waving at Bradley, Raine wondered if he was disappointed with her. She hadn’t invited him in for coffee, nor had she accepted the kiss he’d wanted to give her. When he had leaned in, about to put a kiss on her lips, she’d panicked, giving him her cheek instead. Kissing wasn’t something that came naturally to her.

  She’d never been kissed by anyone.

  Maybe she should have let Bradley kiss her, and get over it. It would have made her life a lot easier. Entering her home, she locked the door, and heard some commotion in the kitchen. The scent of burnt chocolate was heady in the air. The smell turned her stomach.

  Xander came out of the kitchen, covered in chocolate and looking a little frazzled.

  “You’ve been baking?” she asked.

  “I tried to bake thinking it would be easy. Guess what?”

  “It’s not.”

  “You make it look easy.”

  “My mom used to bake all the time, and I stood with her. It’s what I love to do. How much chocolate did you use?”

  “All of it.”

  “Wow, you went through all of my supply. The chunks, the chips, the bars?”

  “Yep. I’ve got to go shopping tomorrow for you. No problem. I’ll just include it with the flour, sugar, and spices. Oh, and Luiz is home. How was your date?”

  “Luiz is here?” she asked. She would not get excited. The urge to go looking for him was strong, but she held back.

  “Yeah. Bradley, how was it?”

  Before she could answer Luiz was coming out of the kitchen. “I put Christie to bed.”

  “Hey, Luiz,” she said, feeling a little sick. This wasn’t good, and was the red lipstick still on, and did he like it or did he think it was silly?

  Crap, this was not going to go anywhere.

  “Xander told me you went on a date.”

  “He made me go.”

  “Did you enjoy it?” Luiz asked.

  Why was it whenever he asked a question, she felt like she didn’t have a choice but to answer? It was so frustrating.

  “I did. Yes.”

  “Where did you go?” Xander asked.

  His excitement was infectious.

  “The little Italian place in town. It has just opened up. They have the most amazing spaghetti with clams. So good.”

  “You like Italian food?” Luiz asked.

  “Yeah, I do. It’s my favorite. My mom was obsessed with it. Lora was more of a Chinese girl.” It was a lot easier to talk about her sister now. The pain was still there, just not as bad. They walked back into the kitchen. “I had no idea you were coming tonight.”

  “We never know when he’s going to turn up,” Xander said.

  She sat at one of the chairs near the kitchen counter, and smiled at Luiz. “I bet Christie was excited. I know she loves it when you visits, and hates it when you leave.”

  “It’s not easy f
or me either.”

  “I’m just going to head to the bathroom to wash up. Do you think I can leave you two alone for a few minutes?” Xander asked.

  “Of course.” Raine never knew how amazing it felt to actually go on a date or be part of something like that. Bradley had been attentive, charming, and so sweet … but he wasn’t Luiz. Shut up! “What brings you home? Good news? Bad news?”

  “I just wanted to stop by and see everyone.”

  “So it’s bad news?”

  “Why does it have to be any kind of news?”

  “You only come by unexpectedly when you’ve had some awful news.”

  “I come by all the time.”

  “Not all the time, sweetie.” She touched his hand, feeling the prickle of awareness that his touch always created. Xander had to be right if she was starting to feel something more for Luiz. “Most of the time you plan your visits. A phone call or something like that.”

  He rolled his eyes, and she chuckled. “Something bad did actually happen.”

  “What?” She tensed waiting for the bad news.

  “It’s not so bad. You don’t have to worry too much, baby.”

  Baby? He called her baby.

  “Hit me with it. Will we have to move?”

  “You want to be with Bradley some more.”

  She heard the disgust in his voice. “I went on one date, and it was at Xander’s urging. If I need to move for Christie, I will. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  “You’ll always do that?”

  “Of course. I love Christie, and I’ll do anything for her. So please tell me.”

  “Okay. That’s good to know. Do you think you and Bradley will be a big thing?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. It was one date, and he asked me to go out again. I told him I’d have to see Xander first. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

  Luiz sighed. “I’m remaining part of The Family.”

  “I thought you said that you wanted it to be over. That you were making it easier so that you can have a life without threat.”

  “We were all fools. There’s no way for me to walk away. If we walk away, we’ll be the ones on the chopping block. Someone else will just come and take my place.”

  This was going to be her life forever. There was no getting away from the secrecy, from the fear. Even after seven years there were times when she heard bumps in the night that made her afraid.

  She suddenly felt the overwhelming need to cry. Glancing down at her clothes, she released a sigh. “I’ve got to go and get dressed.”

  Without waiting for Luiz to say anything, she left him sitting at the kitchen counter. On her way to her room, she passed Xander.

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing. He said nothing. I’m going to call it an early night, okay?” She kissed Xander’s cheek, and quickly rushed toward her room. Closing the door, she collapsed against it, and pressed her face against her hands. Her chest was so tight, and she was hurting inside. There had always been hope that maybe one day this would all be over. She had wondered if Luiz was just being overprotective of them over the years. They had never been attacked here, but then he’d always taken care of everyone that even got close to them.

  Moving away from the door, she grabbed her stuff, and went to the bathroom. Washing away the night, and the illusion of a future, she changed into her pajamas, and walked back to her bedroom, brushing her hair.

  She gasped when she caught sight of Luiz on her bed. He was sitting, staring down at her bear. She still had a bear that she enjoyed, sue her. This was nothing like any of her sexy dreams where Luiz was completely naked, and wanting her.

  “What are you doing in here?”

  “I don’t want you to be upset.”

  “Did Xander send you up here?”

  “No. I came here because I know you were really upset.”

  “I can’t do this right now. There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, Luiz.”

  “I’m here for you, Raine. Not for me.”

  She moved toward him, and took a seat. “It’s nothing that a good’s night sleep won’t fix.”

  “You’ve given up so much for Christie, and I really appreciate it.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You were hoping for a future though, right? A future of your own.” He took her hand. “You can tell me.”

  “I’ll never give up Christie. I promise I’d never do anything to hurt her, but, she’s not going to be a little girl forever. She’s going to be eighteen and twenty-one, wanting to go to prom, to have some fun, fall in love, go on dates.”

  “That’s what you want?” he asked.

  “I didn’t know what I wanted until tonight. It’s amazing what one date can do.” She chuckled, but it was a forced sound, not natural.

  “You’ve never been on a date?”

  “Never been on a date. Never kissed a guy before, and I didn’t think it mattered, but it does. I’ll be thirty-three when Raine’s fifteen. I’ll probably still be a virgin.” She shook her head. “Can we leave this? I really don’t want to talk about it with you.”

  She didn’t want to be talking about her virginity, or how she was reading dirty books at night, or that she craved being touched. When she took Christie out, or even if she went by herself, she watched couples, and craved the easiness that they all had, and it just wasn’t fair.

  “You can come to me for anything.”

  “No, I can’t. You cannot just drop everything for us, and I get that. I know you’re busy. I’m just being a girl, so ignore me.” She forced herself to look at him, and groaned when she saw the pity in his eyes. This was not what she wanted.

  “A guy has never kissed you?”

  “I’ve always kept my distance, Luiz. My first and only priority has been Christie.”

  Luiz cupped her cheek, and ran his thumb across her bottom lip.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Something I should have done a long time ago.”

  Before she could question him, Luiz pressed his lips against hers, shocking her still.

  Chapter Three

  Raine’s lips were softer than Luiz imagined. She was tense as he kissed her. He didn’t know why she was so surprised, and why he hadn’t thought of them being together until now. It made total sense. They were both young, free, single, and they had Christie in common. He’d dated her sister, but Lora and Raine were nothing alike. Raine was bigger than Lora ever was. She possessed way more curves, similar to Paige in size. Cupping her cheek, he tilted her head back, and became aware of two things. One, he was hard as fucking rock, and hadn’t felt this alive in years. Two, Raine was as tense as a board.

  Pulling away, he saw she was frowning at him, looking a little confused. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

  “Why are you kissing me?”

  “I want to.”

  She took his hand, moving it away from her face. “I don’t feel comfortable with this.” She spoke while getting up, and moving away from the bed.

  This was a new experience for him. He wasn’t used to being pushed aside, or ignored. He was Luiz Barone. An equal ruler in The Family. Every woman wanted to bed him, or to wear the title of being with him with pride. He didn’t see the problem.

  “Why?” she asked.

  “I figure what’s the problem? You want to experience stuff. I don’t like the thought of you dating someone, and putting Christie at risk. I can give you everything you’re looking for.”

  She scoffed. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about love?” She folded her arms over her breasts.

  “What about it? It doesn’t exist.”

  “Wow! Get out.”

  He frowned. “What is the problem? You want to experience this kind of stuff. I’m your guy.”

  “I mean it, Luiz. Get the hell out of my room.”

  “Technically, it’s my room.”

  She moved toward him, grab
bed his shirt, and shoved him toward the door. In one quick move she had the door open, and him pushed out. He didn’t fight her hold as he didn’t want to hurt her. Raine said nothing else as she slammed the door closed, and didn’t even look back at him.

  “What did you do?” Xander asked, making Luiz jolt.

  “I thought it would be convenient for her to use me for what she needs.”

  “You mean instead of her dating someone else?”

  “Yes. I can’t believe I’ve not thought of it before, but it will work.”

  “Luiz, sometimes you’re the biggest asshole on this planet, and a blind one.” Xander didn’t elaborate, and went back to his bedroom.

  Luiz was completely baffled. Entering his own room, he took a quick shower, and after thirty minutes, he still didn’t get it. What had he done wrong? She wanted something. He could give her whatever she needed.

  Grabbing his cell phone, he dialed the only person he would know who had the answer.

  “Who the fuck is calling you?” Donnie asked.

  “I don’t know. Hello?”

  “Hi, Paige it’s me.”

  “It’s Luiz,” Paige said.

  “Why is he calling you?” Donnie asked.

  “Maybe because I’m a lot nicer to him than you ever are. What’s the matter, Luiz?”

  In the background he could hear Donnie making threats.

  “I want to ask you something, as a woman.”

  “Okay. I’m awake.”

  Sitting up, Luiz stared at his reflection in the mirror opposite his bed. He let out a breath. “If a guy offers a woman the chance to be with him, shouldn’t she be happy about that?” No one knew about Christie and Raine. He wanted to keep it that way.

  “I have no idea. It would depend if the guy is an idiot.”

  “He’s … lovely. How about this? The girl has never been kissed, a complete virgin, and he’s just offered her everything.”

  “Luiz, why are you asking me this? You’re confusing me.”

  “I just. I had a dream, and I was just curious about it.”

  “You have weird friends, Donnie. Ugh, I don’t know how to answer this, Luiz. It would depend on what the woman or girl wanted. Does she just want sex? What does she mean to you? What’s she like? No woman is exactly the same.”