Not Damaged Read online

  The orgasm fulfilled what he needed at that moment but it wouldn’t entirely sate his appetite. The only person he wanted was the sweet Jesse. Cleaning up his mess with the towel, he left his bed to place it in the laundry basket.

  He settled back into bed, closing his eyes to sleep when he remembered the need reflected in Jesse’s eyes.

  She didn’t think for a second she was damaged even though she behaved like it. Ryan, if it was the last thing he did, would prove to Jesse she wanted and could have the same as other women. A life, a family, and above all, love.

  * * * *

  Jesse counted down the moment until she escaped the clutches of work. For the first time in her life she looked forward to being out of work rather than inside. Tapping her fingers on the desk top, she glanced down at the appointment sheet in front of her. Before she left three signatures were needed to let her know the men and women were out of the building.

  Her work didn’t require too much thought. The interactions with clients were down to a minimum, only needing to show clients to their lawyer’s office and make tea. Some of the men tried to hit on her, but she kept them at arms-length. She wouldn’t give any man the thought they could have her. However, none of the men she’d met left her feeling like Ryan had the night before. Her body awakened under his scrutiny. Part of her wanted to invite him to her home.

  You wanted so much more.

  Cutting off the craving for what Ryan could give her, she focused on arranging the schedule for Monday. Every Sunday the office was closed unless there was a big case for several lawyers to deal with.

  “Have you got anything exciting planned for this week?” Denise asked, approaching the reception desk.

  Denise looked tired as she rubbed a hand down her face. She was one of the lawyers who handled divorce cases, who once asked her to become a personal assistant. Jesse frowned, realizing three of the other lawyers within the large office also asked her to be their personal assistant.

  “You out for today?” Jesse asked, avoiding the question.

  “Yeah, I’m done with men cursing their wives and vice versa. I wonder why they ever got married in the first place.” Denise shook her head.

  “You’re married, aren’t you?” Jesse tapped away on the keyboard.

  “Yeah, fifteen years, three kids and still going strong.” Denise shrugged. “I don’t know. I sometimes think you young ones hate hard work. A good marriage takes hard work from both sides.”

  “I imagine so.” She really did like Denise. The older woman always made her feel included in life while her own family kept her at bay, afraid she’d crumble at the first hurdle. She’d survived a lot even if her family didn’t see the truth glaring them in the face.

  “Anyway, any hot date or prospect on the horizon.”

  Most of the time she shook her head, denying any involvement with a man. Thinking about Ryan made her want to tell Denise the truth.

  “Actually, I’ve met someone. We don’t know each other all that well but we’re going on a date today. After work in fact.” Speaking the truth out loud and knowing she’d be seeing Ryan very soon made her smile.

  “Well, when’s he turning up? I’d love the chance to meet him.”

  She checked the time, biting her lip. “Another ten or fifteen minutes. I don’t know, this is our first date. He might not even remember.” Jesse hadn’t thought about Ryan forgetting about her. Crap, what if he didn’t show up and she’d worn her best heels as well. Glancing down at the red stiletto heel shoes, Jesse fought a rush of tears. Walking home in these shoes would be an absolute nightmare.

  “Honey, any man who forgets you is not worth the time worrying about him in my book. I can’t stay to meet him. I’ve got to get on. Hubby wants me to be there for a footy game. The man will not settle down. Have a wonderful weekend.” Denise waved her goodbyes. Watching the other woman go, Jesse took her seat again and finished off her work. The woman who’d booked in over an hour ago left without a look in her direction.

  Jesse was used to some of the clients looking down their noses at her. She got through work ignoring them.

  Earlier in the day one of the clients tried to hit on her but David, one of the lawyers came to her rescue. Most of the time David tried to hit on her and she turned down his constant offers of dates. When the man who had hit on her earlier left the building, Jesse tensed as she saw David making his way toward her. They were probably the only two in the building. Her bags were resting beside her ready to head out.

  No sign of Ryan made her feel nervous. What if he stood her up? She couldn’t handle the rejection.

  “Hey, gorgeous, can I offer you dinner and a night out on the town?”

  She shook her head. Jesse disliked David’s flirting, yet she never wanted to seem bitchy to him as he was her boss. “I appreciate the offer, David. I’m meeting someone today.”

  He ushered her out of the building, closing and locking up the front. The company was large and a security team would be taking over for the remainder of the weekend. When he grabbed her arm, she tried her hardest not to flinch away from his touch.

  Why? Why could she stand for Ryan to touch her but not David? None of her feelings made sense. Thinking back to the previous night she thought about Ryan’s touch. He’d not tried to hurt her or dominate her yet his voice showed her without him even touching her, he expected to be obeyed.

  She looked up and down the street, wishing Ryan would magically appear.

  “Your friend appears to be late. We could have some dinner and I promise you a good time.”

  Smiling, she did her best to think of a reason not to go with him. David was kind even if a bit scary. He took no for an answer but wouldn’t stop.

  “Erm, I appreciate the—”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry I’m late.” Ryan spoke up, coming to her side. He wrapped an arm around her, drawing her away from David’s touch. The moment he held her, Jesse forgot all about the uncomfortable feeling the other man inspired. Sinking against his body, she inhaled his masculine scent. He wore a pair of jeans with a white shirt with the buttons open at the top.

  His scent made her melt. Crossing her thighs, she gritted her teeth to stop her moan but she was unsuccessful as a slight sound escaped.

  “I guess I know the answer to my question,” David said. The sound of his voice pulled her out of her haze. Crap, what had she done?

  * * * *

  Ryan stared at the man opposite him. He knew David as the guy frequented the club regularly. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to back down. He loved the sound of Jesse’s little moan, which clearly showed the other man who she belonged to.

  “I guess I know the answer to my question,” he said.

  “I’m sorry, David, I did try to tell you.” Jesse’s voice sounded on the verge of orgasm. Smiling, Ryan shook his hand.

  “It’s nice to meet one of her colleagues. Thank you for standing with her. Traffic was hell but I don’t intend to be late next time.” He saw his message was received by the other man.

  “I’ll see you on Monday, Jesse. Try not to kill yourself in those heels.” David nodded at both of them before turning and heading in the opposite direction.

  He checked out the heels she wore, whistling at the killer shoes.

  “I, erm, I wanted to look nice for our date.”

  “They’re going to hurt for what I’ve got planned. Come on, I’m parked illegally and I don’t want to get a parking ticket.” Holding onto her firmly with an arm around her back, Ryan led the way to his car. He helped her inside before going around to the driver’s side.

  The picnic rested in the trunk of the car, waiting to be devoured.

  “I didn’t think you’d come,” she whispered.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Erm, I’ve never been on a date and at first I didn’t think you’d stand me up but then I started thinking and once that started, I panicked.”

  “Jesse, baby, I can promise you I’ll always
keep my word. If I say I’m going to be there for you then I’m going to be there. I’d never leave you standing around waiting. Stupid fucking traffic kept me away today.” He hated traffic.

  “You weren’t exactly late.” She giggled.

  “I know but look what happened. I was a few minutes behind and another guy tried to steal you away from me. I’m not having that.”

  Her giggling stopped. “I wouldn’t have gone anywhere. I’m not easy or anything.”

  Reaching across, he grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “I never said you were, baby. You’ve got to know how hot you are. So many men want you. They’re all ready for me to move aside so they can have you to themselves.”

  “Not happening.” She squeezed his hand back. When she made no move to pull away, he kept their fingers locked together, driving one handed. He liked her touch. Happiness shined from her face when he glanced toward her.

  The drive took over twenty minutes before he found a parking space in an underground unit. Paying for the parking, he climbed out going to the trunk. “I’ve got a picnic for us to enjoy.”

  She rubbed her hands together.

  “I’ve also got the perfect location. Come on.” He offered his arm and she linked hers through his. Together they headed out to the warm summer afternoon. The streets were busy but they made it over the road and into the park area where people could eat. “Have you ever been here before?”

  “Nah, I usually eat a sandwich outside or wait until I get home.”

  “Come on, I’ve got a good spot near the pond.” He led the way through the throng of people toward his favorite area. The pond was busy with plenty of ducks, birds, and swans.

  “Wow,” she said, resting her hands on her hips.

  Her heels were sinking into the grass. Grabbing the blanket bound on top of the basket, he placed it on the ground before easing her down. Going to her feet, he slid the heels off.

  “Oh, what are you doing?” she asked. Her cheeks were a lovely rouge color.

  “We’re in a park. You don’t need to be wearing these killer heels but I’ll certainly be asking you to wear them again.” His thoughts were filled with how the heels would feel digging into his back as he rode her pussy hard.

  Placing them beside her, he took a seat on the other side, getting close to her.

  “Did you sleep well last night?” he asked.

  “Yes, did you?”

  She was always so polite.

  “Yes.” After he’d brought himself to orgasm, cleaned away the mess he slept like a baby with no dreams at all.

  They sat together staring out across the pond. Several small children were throwing bread to the ducks. Every time he came to this spot he always felt at peace.

  “This is a lovely place,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

  “Good. I think it’s a great place to wind down from work, especially dealing with clients I imagine you get all the time.” He rested back on his hands, liking the way she rested against him.

  “Yeah, we get all kinds of cases. Divorce, murder, family, and a few others that have gone out of my head.” She rested a palm against her forehead. “It’s hard at times watching them all come through knowing some of them are suffering.”

  He listened to her talk. Ryan believed part of her problem was she rarely got the chance to really talk without someone dissecting everything she said.

  “I see some women who come in and are happy to be getting a divorce. They’re happy to get severance pay or something for time taken. I don’t like them so much, especially if kids are involved. I’ve seen gold-diggers at first hand. It’s surprising how upset some of the men get when they realize they’ve been used.”

  “It’s a hard business, honey.”

  “Yeah, then there are the women who love their man and they’ve been replaced by a younger model.” She sighed. “I think I need to look for another job. I’m starting to sound depressing.”

  “No, it’s good to talk.”

  After several minutes of silence he reached out toward the basket. “Are you ready for some good food?” he asked.

  “Yes, I really am.” Her beautiful smile stopped him for a moment. Something different was happening to him. The woman before him wasn’t just a challenge to him, she meant so much more.

  They barely knew each other and he forced that knowledge to the back of his mind. There was no need for him to get all serious. He’d take each day as it came before heading into any kind of relationship.

  * * * *

  How did he do it?

  Jesse watched him unload the picnic basket he brought, wondering what it was about him that made her feel so comfortable. Not one member of her family asked about her job, not one. They never allowed her to talk about her life. Thinking about her time with her family, most of her time was spent listening to them talk about their achievements.

  Everyone disappeared when she tried to talk. All of them thought she still suffered and preferred not to listen.

  Jake only listened to part of her life. He still saw her as damaged. How could she move on when no one would let her?

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “What?” he asked, dishing out little portions of everything onto a plate.

  “For letting me talk. It has been so long since I’ve talked about work or anything.” She frowned, looking up at him. “It’s insane.”

  “No, it’s not insane." He offered her a spoonful of something. "Open.”

  Opening her lips, the flavor of a pepper pasta salad exploded on her tongue.

  “Good?”

  “Very good. I like everything with spice in.”

  “Do you cook?” he asked, offering her something else.

  “Yes, I love cooking. I live in a small one bedroom house on the outskirts of the city. I’ve got a proper range cooker but I don’t always get a chance to use it.” Her family rarely asked her to bring anything to dinner.

  They’ve been there for you.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “You were thinking something you didn’t like, what was it?”

  “Erm, I was thinking about my family and how they’ve been with me over the years. I don’t know.” Tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear, she stared out over the lake.

  “They’ve been there for you yet you feel they’re keeping you trapped in a little box labelled fragile?”

  She gasped, turning back to look at him. “How do you know?”

  “I know you. You’re a lot easier to read than you realize.” He shrugged. “You’re not a hard person to understand.” Another forkful of food was pressed into her mouth.

  “They rarely let me talk about my life after what happened.” She ate some more food, watching him as he took some for his own.

  “You talked to someone about what happened?”

  “Yes. I’ve been talking to the same woman for the past ten years.”

  “Tell me how you feel. Don’t hold anything back.”

  “You’re a stranger. I can’t talk to a stranger about this.” She sat up, crossing her legs in front of her.

  Ryan placed his jacket over her legs. “I’m not having any other man looking at your pussy. You were showing everything that’s mine.”

  Heat filled her cheeks at the intensity of his stare.

  “Thank you.”

  “The psychiatrist you spoke to started out life as a stranger. Why not talk to me? I’m not going to hurt you or make you tell me something you don’t know.” He passed her a made up plate, which she took from him.

  Watching him eat she found herself relaxing in his company. “Once I start talking about what happened people have a tendency to disappear.”

  “I’m not walking away, and I’m not asking you to relive what happened. Just talk about your own feelings about what you want.” He ate in between talking.

  Silence fell as she stared across the pond. Unlike her family, Ryan wasn’t pressuring her or de
manding that she seek help. He wasn’t even trying to make her see someone to help her deal.

  Licking her dry lips, she thought back to that time.

  “I was taken for two days,” she said. “He tied me to a chair to start off with.” They sat in the open air with people walking around them but not too close they could hear her speaking. “He talked constantly about the future. At first I was terrified, actually I was scared throughout it all. I didn’t know who he was, and I wanted to go home. He fed me and at night he, erm, he forced himself on me but it wasn’t painful beside the loss of my virginity.”

  Ryan touched her hand, offering her strength.

  “Anyway, afterward I found out he’d done it to other girls in three different states. They finally found him and it ended in a shootout where he died.” Eating some of her food, Jesse talked about what happened without feeling sick or hurting. She only wanted to get passed everything and to move onto something more.

  No man ever stuck around after she told them the truth. Jesse told Ryan everything, how the man had made love to her rather than physically hurt her.

  “I had nightmares a couple of weeks after but once I talked with my psychiatrist I stopped. I’ve always been able to deal with everything that’s happened to me logically. It hurt and I hate the fact I suffered it but I don’t want my whole life to be about what happened over ten years ago. I’m stronger than that.” She pressed a hand to her heart really feeling the words she spoke down to her soul.

  “What does your family think?”

  “They think I’m fragile and I’ll break at the first hurdle. I’m not damaged or broken. You know, today was the first time I talked about my job.” She laughed, the noise sounded forced even to her. “What’s worse is I know my family love me and they wouldn’t dream of letting me think like that.”

  “You’re family love you, Jesse. I’ve got no doubt of that even Jake loves you like a friend but they’re afraid. They don’t know how to move on.” He released her hand to finish eating.

  “What do you suggest I do?” she asked.